Young Writers Society

Killing everyone inside
Blind and weak, too dead to see,
The endless fucks ups that follow me!

Fuck, what did i do to deserve this shit?
Did God put me here for the fun of it?
I'm over the hurt in this fucked up life,
I'm drunk, and I'm stoned, I'll cry out the night.

I try to sleep but the Voices are creeping
Back into my damaged mind.
She whispers, she shares, the secrets, I hurt,
I can't take this anymore, make the voices go away!

I pull up my rugs around my head, start to pray;
I pray to be dead, for God to close my curtain,
I can't live my life this way.

Killing everyone inside
Blind and weak, too dead to see,
The endless fucks ups that follow me!

Fuck, what did i do to deserve this shit?
Did God put me here for the fun of it?
I'm over the hurt in this fucked up life,
I'm drunk, and I'm stoned, I'll cry out the night.

I try to sleep but the Voices are creeping
Back into my damaged mind.
She whispers, she shares, the secrets, I hurt,
I can't take this anymore, make the voices go away!

I pull up my rugs around my head, start to pray;
I pray to be dead, for God to close my curtain,
I can't live my life this way.

I don't know what to say about this, other than I'm sorry about the depression. I have had a depression myself and know how you feel.
But I don't really see that emotion you feel in the poem, I feel that it's only on the surface, what it's like on the outside, rather than what you feel on the inside. It gets better in the last to verses, but the two first is very low on emotion.
I know it's hard to look back at a time where you feel so hopeless, but if you do, you will feel it all again and then if you rewrite this the feelings will be stronger and more dominant. I myself have done this a lot, and it helps both with the poem, but also with your thoughts upon that period of your life.

Lol. Hi there, Zombirrel.

Baahaahah... Even drunk you manage to make your poems flow. Great job. The only thing I have to say is something that makes me shiver and everything...OO *dramatic* XD Lol All I's should be uppercase if you use them as pronouns. You just fix that. Other than that and the cussing, thanks for rating this 18+, xD this is good.

~Solly<3

Umm, can I ask the purpose of writing this? From the title, I thought it'd be alot different. I guess that's what I get for judging a book by it's cover. It should be under the category Very Dark if you ask me. Kind of horror- movie- scene like. Creeped me out a lot but it was still good. Next time, go for a brighter, more happy subject and use the "f" bomb less. Thanks and good luck.