Young Writers Society

She spins carefree
Through wildflowers,
Her arms outstretched
Fairytales sketched
Softly through the hours.

A baby girl
Of scarcely four
With windswept hair
Her skin so fair
Easy to adore.

She wears a crown
Of daisy-chain
Her seashell ring
A sacred thing
Tells all of her reign.

She dances with
The singing birds
Their songs of love
From high above
She hears as prince's words.

Baby girl,
Don't lose belief
Your perfect prince
He will exist
He'll steal your soul, that thief.

Beware, for there
Are charlatans
They'll lie to you
Break you in two,
They'll say they are your prince.

Sweet baby,
When you've grown enough
Don't be fooled
For not all "jewels"
Are diamonds in the rough.

But still he'll wait,
His perfect face
Hidden from sight
When time is right,
All heartache shall he chase.

Your dreams will be real,
Sweet baby girl.
Just wait, you'll see
And patiently
Watch as they unfurl.

Hey TinyDancer,

That poem was beautiful. Really, honestly, beautiful. It's so soft, and full of honesty.
I love the story it tells, I love the fact that he's waiting for her. Your rhyming is irregular and sometimes doesn't match up, but that's something I love about this poem. It makes it quirky and different and really gets your reader to focus hard and think about what they're reading, which ideally, is what you want.

"Baby girl,
Don't lose belief
Your perfect prince
He will exist
He'll steal your soul, that thief."

This is one of my favourite stanzas, mainly because of the controversy in the last line, "He'll steal your soul, that thief."
It's really almost humorous the way that is said, and it's sweet and keeps the mood light.

Earlier on, the description of the child's physical appearence is also very enduring. It is helpful, always, to have a picture painted in your mind of the writing's subject, and you did it really well. You never gave us a blunt picture: blue eyes, blonde hair, kind of thing, but what you did do was hint at it.

"A baby girl
Of scarcely four
With windswept hair
Her skin so fair
Easy to adore."

The last thing I'll point out that I loved was this one stanza, and I have to say I like it best. The use of the word 'charlatans' is beautiful. One of those instances where you use hard words in a soft context. No euphemism here!

"Beware, for there
Are charlatans
They'll lie to you
Break you in two,
They'll say they are your prince."

I love that. Just love it.
I can't wait to see the rest of your work!

NightWriter x

wow...this is is beautiful. the images are just amazing. i love the innocence behind it and it really reminds me of how people feel when they're young the whole 'i'm going to marry some handsom/pretty person' it's really great. keep it up.

My god, I think I'm in love with your work. Is that possible? I think so. haha everything I've ever read that you've written, (which might only be two pieces, but, still) I've fallen in love with instantly. I have no flaws to point out, no words that I found awkward or misplaced, and every stanza was filled with a certain substance that every poet strives for. This was lovely, and it left me gawking at my screen. Your work should be one of the featured works on the first page
Keep writing!

I love the poem, my favorite stanza was the one about diamonds in the rough, it was a great poem, keep up the good work.