Young Writers Society

Dude this is awesome. Not saying anything bad but it kinda rhymes like a really teenager-y doctor seusse type thing. I was reading the places you'll go today and was like 'why don't people write like this anymore, it's simple, it rhymes and it flows beautifully' and then you come along and make this piece of work. well done my friend. btw my friend loves the skulduggery pleasant series.

Hello Mithrim! Here is your review as promised . So this is a good piece, has a simple and easy idea behind with nice rhyming. Although sometimes in your writing the rhyming sounded a little force which is the obstacle that we all face in writing rhyming poetry. For example when you say:

"The bells ring, I walk, then again, I'm seated,
and it feels like school will never be completed"

So this is a little awkward with the seated part especially. So it seems like you are taking a test and listening to the clock and now you are out of school and taking your seat? That dosn't seem right and then the fact that you are "seated" which implies that someone else is sitting you down, it sounds a little out of place.

"When the bell rings my page is still blank.
I can feel it's vastness dropping my rank"

Ummmm I guess this kinda works but again it still sounds awkward with the rhyming bit, you are ranked in school I guess but it is a little odd rhythm wise.

So now for a more poetic approach! This poem is very good at telling a story, but it is missing some key components that are essential to making your story a fantastic one. There are three main ways to do this through three different writing styles:
1. Imagery- This is my favorite writing style where you write a poem and add strong imagery, painting an image in the readers head. This can also be extended to all the 5 senses, smell, touch, seeing, hearing, tasting. In this poem you briefly touch on hearing, but if you are going to base your entire poem off of hearing, your goal is to make the reader hear what you or your character is hearing in the poem. If you are doing seeing, your goal is to make the reader see what you or your character is seeing in the poem

2. Emotional- This is writing with emotions, which is very hard for me to do but I've managed to pull it off a couple of times lol. Anyways you again very briefly touch on the emotion of this poem with the "today is the worst day of my life" part. That is basically just a statement just scratching the real emotions that are really stirring in you. I know when I fail a test I am furious, nervous and not happy. Occasionally heart broken but that only applies to finals... Anywho! You need to go deeper into the emotion of this poem. How does failing the test make you feel? Does it weigh on your heart? Do you feel something breaking inside? And your goal as an emotional writer is to make the reader feel what you or your character is feeling.

3. Philosophical- Now this is arguably the hardest writing style of the three because you have to use strong description, strong vocabulary, and deep words to leave an impact on the reader. Philosophical writing is writing a piece of poetry that challenges the readers ideals or societies ideals or common belief. Or it tries to define and analyze an abstraction.

Those are the three main writing styles that I look for in a poem. Now finally, in this poem you use a lot of boring, overused, and everyday words. I see a lot of these words day after day in different poems and it just gets boring. You have to broaden your vocabulary, try using words that I don't see everyday. It really helps your writing, trust me. If you are having troubles doing this you should look up one of these old words in a thesauruses and pick a better word from the list.

Thats all I really have to say. This is a good poem but it has potential to be a great poem! Keep up the good work!!!!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Stop being so smart!!!! Yet another awesome poem? (jaw drops)
Perfect rhyming, good sound words.
Assassin's knife - pure awesomeness I mean that sentence is so creative and gives such an amazing image, I can just see you going crazy and killing all your assignments and when you open your locker this mountain of snow like ripped paper just cascades out of it, makes me laugh thinking about.
Anyway, congratulations on this poem. It's just the right length I reckon, you mention a huge amount of school's negatives in only twelve lines.
Good work, from Em, XD XD XD

Bad day indeed, huh? Al here, for your Quick Critique!

Foremost, I like your main concept because almost everyone in this site can experience this. I like the rhymes too! So here are my reviewed areas for your work:

Content
Some poems are long (like mine). Some are short (like yours). But usually, these short poems tell the same length of a story as with the long ones. This is what I found in your poem. You did a very great job of packing a whole school day, an hour of examination, a minute of thinking and a second of breathing in 91 words. 91! Wowee! A combo package!

Concept & Theme:
I really like the message you're trying to imply in this piece. Everyone experiences these bad school days and all. In my self, I love getting a high score in my exams, but when I see my scores in Gym class and Trig, uuggghhh!!!! As in death on the brink! What I like about what you made is that you wrote something that many can relate; wherein the reader can imagine himself in the exact scene at the poem. This is what made me realize that everyone have the same problem when we were all young (this is not to hint you that I'm old... )

Technicality:
Take a look at these:

My head feels like a leaden block.

I was quite annoyed with this one because it didn't fit the verses that preceded and succeeded; the meaning does FIT, but not the words. It seems as if you just put it there to make a rhyme. Try to put a word ending in the sound of 'auck' that tells about your feeling in that part.

This exam was meant to be quick.

If the exam was meant to be quick, why so angry about it?
These are the only verses that I found weird. But everything has a room for improvement right? Still, in your short verses, you used common words, another thing everyone can relate too! Great job on that!

Overall:
You're a genius...on the way that is. You did such a brilliant job and your message was very understandable, it's just that I know we can all improve ourselves. A bit more practice and I know for sure that you can be the best of the best

Keep on writing and good luck!

Brought to you by Al, Quick Critic.

PS Please try to review my works too!

Hey mithrim96!

I loved the concept of the poem . I wish it went on... Sadly it was short but good too!

I just found this mistake:

mithrim96 wrote:This exam was mean't to be quick.

And I loved the last stanza. Very original. And I kind of laughed at where it's written "When the bell rings my page is still blank." Lol xD

Overall: I fully enjoyed reading this poem. I can give this a 9/10. (Y)

Keep Writing! <3'

Cookie 8D

Well, this piece of work is good keeping in consideration that you are a junior writer the way I am...
Just focus on the rhyming part of the poem because when reaching the end of this poem it becomes a bit bogus...
Focus over it and you'll rock over poetry of this type...
But apart from everything else it's a good piece...
Keep it up...