the last fantasy
long after i let go
of the notion that you
would love me back,
and even after i stopped hoping
we could still be friends,
there is one last daydream
that persists in my mind.
that despite everything
i am, all ugly and crazy and flawed,
someone would love me,
find something in me worth holding onto.
that i would give them something softer,
yet stronger and more solid,
than the fiery wisps of manic obsession
i gave you (because that was all i had).
that we would live our lives,
perhaps travel the globe,
rechristening spain with new memories.
and then, on some distant summer day,
(it's always summer in these daydreams),
i would stumble upon you once again.
why do i want this?
maybe i just want you
to see me whole and happy
in a way i couldn't be at twenty.
here in reality,
i am digging into the muck
to find the bits of me worth loving,
to figure out how to love properly
(even though i will get heartbroken again),
and to finally live for the future.
and if i see you again,
that would be fine,
but if i don't,
i know i'll be okay.
Lines: 35
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Points: 35799
Reviews: 1274