Young Writers Society

So, this is the novel I'm working on right now, like, for self satisfaction. I only have nine chapters so I thought it was time to give it a review.

It's about a vampire girl who is sent to complete one of the most important missions on her eternity; finish with the threats to vampires. But while she is doing that she falls in love with one of the most dangerous vampiore enemies, a werewolf. And everything is completed from then on.

Yeah, I'll get started on this, and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible. At the very latest you can expect me to finish completely by next week, and at the earliest, sometime Friday night.

anyone here on chat this is lifeblood

i'll review this for you puidn...don't worry

this will be perfect for my 44th review

Firstly, I'd like to apologize to you, pudin.junidf. I've been way too busy to get any kind of critiques done as of late, or any off-time read1ing, for that matter. I'm sorry but I don't think I'll be able to get back to you with my own review of this in a reasonable amount of time, so you should probably forget about it. Sorry once again. I've just got way too much stuff going on with life as of late..

Ok being as that this piece is of self satisfaction most of my comments may not appeal to you, because you can really do whatever you want when it comes to making yourself happy, it's only when you have to please others that you have to watch what you write. So here we go.

Plot- I think the plot is interesting, the werewolf/vampire love isn't unique but it hasn't been done in literature for awhile. I think that you seem to have a grasp on you vampires history. I noted the detail to the past of the Romanians and such, which I applaud. The back stories to the characters thus far are well thought out, but it occasionally comes off as info dumpy.

Pacing- I think that in places your pacing is a bit quick. You have them traveling allot over only a few chapters, this leads into my next bit.

Description- In some cases your description of things is amazing but occasionally it is short and too simplified. pm me if you need an example

Characters- I think your main character is good, but she occasionally negates herself. For instance in one part she says she's shy but her actions don't show that. Another instance is her constant denial of emotions, but she turns into a girl that harps on a guy’s beauty at the drop of the hat. Which is a further stretch because she finds humans weak and when she looks at Ethan’s relationship she is sickened by it? As far as she knows Taylor is a human, thus making her a hypocrite. The others characters seem to have good personalities for what has been shown so far.

Grammar- The structure of your sentences is a bit off, they get the point across but they can be stronger with the proper tweaking. If you need help with this pm me, because I probably didn't touch on it enough in my review. There seemed to be misspelling and typos and lacks of commas and such, but I'm not the greatest with grammar so I only pointed out the typos because I wasn't completely sure about the commas.

here you go pudin...here's a review...its not that much but i hope it helps

chapter 1 finished now for the rest to be completed...

here you go, pudin...chapter 2 and part of chapter 3