Young Writers Society

People say those lamps cast an eerie glow. They say it creates shadows on the high ceilings, shadows that terrify them. They fear the unknown. They fear us. They fear the games we play.
People say they dislike the arched ceilings and the shadowy payments exchanges between quick hands, yet they’ve all been involved at least once. They complain about the bats, the musty smell, the patter of footsteps on the muddied path. Yet, they flock together, as if, being in collective protects them. They chatter and cry as if to drive us away.
We don't. We won't. We hate the people, yet we need them for survival. These lamps are our only source of power now. We live in the shadows, we feed on the shadows, we are the shadows.
We don’t like interfering, but sometimes, we must. The innocence which leaves the people is too much for us to bear. It burns.
Today is one if those days. I can see him, walking swift and tall, like an important person. Maybe he is, but here, he is one of the lowliest creatures. He turns into a dingy space between two shops; I follow him, a good height above. Soon, we are alone. I show myself to him, his crimes, his future. He understands.
“Exactly,” I whisper and with one touch, he tumbles onto the floor.
 
I return to the comfort of the lamps. Tomorrow, the newspapers will speak of a politician who died of a myocardial infarction.

~~~~~~~~

A/N:
Nitpicks and comments appreciated!

First to review, WHATAWIN! XD

Hello my fat-bunny-friend.

I'm going to cut to the chase and get on with this review. I'm trying to cut out all the ranting and babbling at the start of each review I do as I find that's not exactly the most helpful part of things. Although most of my reviews are bablblings or rants ...

First of all, I love the simplicity of this within the confusion of course. What I mean by that is, it's writen in a very clear, simple format yet, the charachters confuse me as we don't know exactly who these people are do we? Shadows? Angels? We're not sure, well I'm not but that's irrelevent. On the simple formatting, I think it's rather well done because as I said, this piece might have the tendency to confuse so with the clear formatting you made it an easier, lighter read. A more enjoyable one. Good choice old chap, good choice.

On these magical shadow-angel people; you've written about them quite well, I mean it has to have been tough writing about people in such a manner without confusing us, but leaving a trail of mystery behind you without making us feel in the dark. Maybe, you might consider giving us a hint on these people? Leave us hanging yes by all means as that's very much what I like about this but just give us that tiny little glimpse of what these people are. Just enough to make us wonder but not enough to make us really know. Maybe you don't want to do this but I figured I might as well mention it.

A nitpick;
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we feed on the shadows, we are the shadows.

Tell me, if you are the shadows then why do you feed on yourselves? Now I know, well I think I know that you don't mean that these people are literally shadows but it seems rather strange that you would say feed on the shadows and then mention something about them being the shadows. As I said, I know you don't mean that they actually are shadows but I think it's worth considering. It does read a little strange.

Lava this is absolutley brilliant and I can't praise you enough for it. It's written perfectly apart from what I pointed out and I really think you've hit the nail on the head with this. As I said, you've got the amazing contrast between simple and complicated and the mysterious side to this is mind-bogglingly brilliant. I wish I got 'like' this piece more then once, if I could I would.

*claps Lava on the back*
Good job my chubby bunny friend.
Kagi xox *hugs*

Hi there!

I really enjoyed this story. I'm always impressed when I read a story like this because I've tried to write flash fiction and failed. It's very hard to do because you need to really use the right words, words that do enough damage that they could be a whole paragraph.

That being said, this was a great piece of flash fiction. It's a simple story that moves quickly, but not too quickly. You did a great job moving the story forward without leaving the readers behind. I was able to follow because you didn't go from one thing to another quickly.

The imagery in this story is great. I like the way you described the lamps and how they were important to the characters. All though, I do agree with Kagi. I don't know who these characters are. Are they human? Are they some fantasy creature? I personally think your main character is an assassin, hiding in the shadows, waiting for this politician to come along. I thought I'd mention that just to help you out.

Overall this is a great story (I think I've said that about three times in this review). If you just change a little bit of it and explain the characters a little more, it'll be better. Keep writing!

Hello

Wow, I really like this, you have written it really well! The imagery is excellent, and I kind of wish it was longer than 250 words (or whatever) because I was enjoying that much I like the fact that I don’t know who/what the shadows are, for me it makes it more exciting.

I can’t find anything wrong with it so I really sorry if this review isn’t a very helpful one!

Well done and keep writing (because you’re really good at it )
Chels

Hey-hi! Gryph here for reviewing!

The atmosphere created was really, really nice. Not a whole lot happened in this story, but the weight of the story was still felt. I have to echo everyone else in not really knowing who the "we" was in the story, but it doesn't mean that the story suffered for it. It just sort of had me questioning the "we"'s morality and their place in this world. Made it that much more layered without actually having a whole lot exploring it.

The innocence which leaves the people is too much for us to bear. It burns.

Mmm, I'm not sure I understood this line. I mean, is it that the innocence itself burns as whoever "we" are collects it? Or is it the loss of innocence that burns? Most of the story was delightfully abstract, conveying a great deal of emotion and meaning without being specific, but this line just confused me.

Maybe he is, but here, he is one of the lowliest creatures.

The punctuation here is a little wonky. I get what you are trying to say, but it doesn't read very well. Perhaps breaking it up into two smaller sentences? Something like: "Maybe he is. But here, he is one of the lowliest creatures."

I show myself to him, his crimes, his future.

Again, slightly wonky punctuation. As is, it reads like the narrator shows themself to the man, as well as to his crimes and his future, which obviously is silly. I get what you are trying to say again, but the execution isn't playing out all that well. Rewording it just to make it flow better would be nice.

Anyway, I really liked this. I was seriously getting a Doctor Who-vibe, like that one episode with the shadows in the library. You were plenty different; that's just the vibe I was getting. Quite impressive for flash-fiction.

Very nice. Very nice.

Any questions or comments, drop me a line!

~Gryph

Well, I'll be honest. Perhaps because it's flash fiction, but it's a little hard for me to understand.
So, it seems like a very deep piece that hints at human nature. Well done, I really liked that part, and the way you point out the duplicity of humans who criticize actions that they themselves partake upon. The one thing that sort of bothered me was the identity of this creature who acts as the narrator. I get a sort of bat like ambiance from him/it. Also, another theory I have is that it is a angel of death sort of figure as well.
Well written for a flash fiction piece. I think it would be interesting to consider lengthening this into an actual short story or even a novel. Thanks!

ihazreturned.

People say they dislike the arched ceilings and the shadowy payments exchanges between quick hands, yet they’ve all been involved at least once.

You don't need that' s' there... err, I don't think anyway. As I'm sure you can tell, I'm terrible at nit-picks.

I can see him, walking swift and tall, like an important person.

I'm not that keen on the way you called the man an important person... It makes the flow a little awkward, and the way it's used kind of seems a bit childish, I suppose. I'd like to see something more creative too. Maybe you could replace it with a word that means 'important person'. It's up to you though, obviously.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yikes! You've gotten some great reviews on this one, so I'll probably be as useful as a goldfish in a bowl of custard in this review. Weird simile there, Skinsy... Weird simile.

Out of the two flash fiction pieces, I must say that this is definitely my favourite. I loved your other one, but I'm a huge fan of creep things, so this was right up my alley. It was really chilling, and I like the whole dark atmosphere you created here. I loved how mysterious you were about the whole thing too. Us readers never exactly find out what these things are, but it doesn't really matter. It only adds to the creepiness of the whole thing. Plus, I think it leaves us readers to decide what they are exactly.

For example, I like to think that these shadow creature things symbolise a person's conscience. You mention the 'important person' being very up himself, and it's almost as if his conscience has come to haunt him, and it's showed what his life will be like in the future because of who he is, and the guilt of the crimes he's committed are swarming his brain. Kind of like his conscience is ripping into him and laying him bear until the guilt becomes so great, it kills him. That's my interoperation of it, of course, but that's why I love this: it allows me to think of the story how I want to think of it.

We live in the shadows, we feed on the shadows, we are the shadows.

I have to agree with Kagi on this, I have to admit. Although I do see what you mean, it's still a little odd because technically, you're saying that this shadow thing lives inside itself, but also eats itself. Kind of creepy, and not in an eerie way... more in a 'what on earth is going on' way. It's just a bit contradictory, I suppose. I'd either suggest changing this idea into something else, or rearranging the sentence a bit for it to be more technically right. You can stick with the same idea, but make it, well, make it make more sense, I suppose.

I really can't tell you how much I do love this, Lava. I may not be the best at writing or reviewing flash fiction pieces, but I certainly adore reading them!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins