Young Writers Society

Unrequited love is always the worst
Other girls seemed to get in first
I sat too shy to even say hi
You walked over when we were nine

I was shocked and never did understand
Why you chose me and not any of them
Not even your smiling face set me to rest
Still I felt good enough but not the best

Every time we kissed I wanted more
You were always what I wished for

When we were sixteen I never suspected
And what you did was unexpected
As I entered your house that day
I heard the noise from the hallway

The door was closed but stupidly unlocked
I creaked it open and stood there in shock
There in your bed was the girl I knew
Had always had a massive crush on you too

I ran outside and you came after
Found me crying, looking like a distaster
You looked at me with a trembling bottom lip
But I still slapped your face with the sound like a whip

I run from you wishing to go back
I blame myself for not being smarter than that

I go to your house the very next day
And tell you all I have to say,
"Take my ripped heart and piece it together.
You'll now keep it forever and ever."

These white walls confine me until I cannot breathe
This jacket makes me shake as I know they are torturing me

I keep waiting for the day where I can float above
For I'll be able to let go and accept that hearts aren't always full of love

Wow! This is great and you say it is your first poem so that makes me even more impressed! You ability to compose with rythme is shown and certainly added a creative quality to you work. I have often found it heard to develope a story line in my poems as I end up making sentences but here you have done that very well! This is definitly a concept many girls I am sure can relate to and I like how you captured the desire still be with the person who hurt you ("I run from you wishing to go back"). My only advice is to use more imagery and metaphors (figurative language). I noticed you did when you said, "these white walls confine me..." but I think that you should utilise this poetic technique at least once in every verse to add a more meaningful, idealogical feel. Once again, you have writtin a fantastic poem and you should be proud of it!
-Blossom keep using the power of the pen!

I like your poem. Your words fitted exactly to the emotions. You've really explained a girl's feelings. Maybe, you could only use some punctuations. It would help your poem look professional. Thumbs up! Keep writing.

Holy friggin' cow!
That was the best poem I've read in awhile. I couldn't wait for more. The whole time I was intrigued. Your words fit perfectly with your emotion and it put me in the poem. I've been there before. Almost exact situation. Except for the very last part. But I loved it. I have no complaints or anything to add.

Fantastic job!
Please keep writing.
I'd love to read more.

Sincerely,
Ciara<3

Wow. thankyou so much for your reviews. I can't believe how impressed you all were. Honestly, i didn't think i was that good. I'll be submitting more soon. xo