Young Writers Society

Insanity is not the end


Our world has taught us to hate,
And instructed us to wound.
It has tortured us for feeling,
And killed us for loving.

Fear and intolerance
Push us apart.
Greed turns our minds,
Deepening our indifference,
Keeping our eyes averted.

Why is love so hard to come by?

Our wilting emotions
Strangle creativity.
So-called sanity dulls our senses,
Deepening our fear,
Keeping our hearts locked.


Insanity is a dark sea,
But it leads to the hidden reaches,
Where our minds are clear and bright.
On the far banks of insanity,
A deeper love awaits.

Those who swim the tides
And reach the shore,
Will see beauty in its true form.

Many drown in insanity,
Never recognizing that corner of the soul.
Bathed in a new kind of torment.
Writhing from feelings unknown.

When we’ve been there and back,
We can recognize our own kind.
The scarring is now visible to us.


Insanity is not the end.
Insanity is the beginning of living.

Hiya,

This is very beautiful. It's thick to read--I found myself reading much slower than usual--sort of like swimming through heavy cream....I like it. I especially liked your ending. There aren't any detectible errors, spelling and grammar-wise.

One thing that you're missing here is stability in the number of lines per stanza. You have anywhere from one to five per...it's probably a good idea to keep that number at least somewhat constant.

Anyway, that was pretty much just me trying to find something to make this review worthwhile, but I don't really have much negative to say.

Nice job!
sare

Hi there! This was a good piece. I like the fact that the theme of your poem is controversial (in my opinion.) I love your word choice and diction; it was simple and straight-forward. This made the voice in this piece serene and strangely soothing. Wooing the reader to consider the option of insanity. On the other hand, I think there isn't much going on concerning the imagery of the poem. The title of the poem seems broad enough to allow for interesting imagery, which could have better described the theme in this piece. All in all, it was a good attempt and I encourage you to do more of poetry. Thank you for this piece.

I can tell you, Payne. It is hard to come by because... okay, I don't really know.
Ze poem, I am ambivalent about it. I want to like it, but my pretentious fancy side thinks it's overwhelmingly plain.

I must disagree with Sarebear, I don't find fluctuating stanza length an issue if it has a purpose. That said, you have homogenized yours, so I cannot issue judgment at this juncture.

I do appreciate the narrative. It weaves without withering, flows without flailing, etc. I like the double white-space (gray-space) you've got going to separate the bits and parts.

Your metaphors and suchlike are fine and dandy. Nothing of particular note in syntax. Overall, my favorite recent non-convoluted and/or fancy piece. Keep writing and all that. Huzzah!