Young Writers Society

I know, it's astounding. I did some poetry. It's probably terrible, but I di d it. It's for a competition at school.

The topic we were given was gravity.


Soft rose petals float down in the wind, spiralling, twirling, swirling in the air
Pinecone drops like a bullet, crashing, smashing, on the ground
Bird dives for his prey from a thin spiky branch up there
Ball drops back down from a bounce on the grass
My friend, I'm telling you it's not all too rare
Everything is pulled from above
My friend, It's true I swear
Everything always falls
Always falls
down

Everything always falls down, my friend
You do, I do, everyone does
It's all due to gravity, in the end
I don't think you realise the gravity
of it all
My friend
you always fall
in the
end


Rip it apart my far superior poets.

I liked the layout of the first stanza, you represented gravity visually, not just with words. Also, I liked the last stanza because it seemed to suggest that you're not just talking about gravity pulling things own literally, but people failing, and that was an interesting point to finish one. Also, you did the same thing you did with the first stanza, layout wise, with the last three lines.
Hey, and the entire layout represents the different moods of the poem-

Soft rose petals float down in the wind, spiralling, twirling, swirling in the air
Pinecone drops like a bullet, crashing, smashing, on the ground
Bird dives for his prey from a thin spiky branch up there
Ball drops back down from a bounce on the grass
My friend, I'm telling you it's not all too rare
Everything is pulled from above
My friend, It's true I swear
Everything always falls
Always falls
down <-------------------obviously shows gravity, something falling

Everything always falls down, my friend
You do, I do, everyone does
It's all due to gravity, in the end
I don't think you realise the gravity<-------------Sort of returns to a normal kind of poem format

of it all
My friend
you always fall
in the
end <---------falling again, but not an object falling, but you falling, figuritively. It's dark. I like it. Very much. Also, putting end on its own really does symbollise the end.

Okay I'm through analysing the damn thing now. Sorry, heh. I must ahve really paid attention in English last year.

Thanks for that! Do you have any improvements you can suggest?

Soft rose petals float down in the wind, spiralling, twirling, swirling in the air

I have to say I think thats my favourite line lol. Very vivid imagery, and an interesting visual to begin a poem with.

Pinecone drops like a bullet, crashing, smashing, on the ground
Bird dives for his prey from a thin spiky branch up there
Ball drops back down from a bounce on the grass

I too like the way you use the layout of this poem to show gravity as well as talk about it. I also like the way you present several different ways things 'fall' before getting to the topic of the poem (i.e. gravity). One criticism might be that it changes a bit too abruptly - at least for my personal taste - into rhyming, when previously all you have is internal rhyme, but I kinda like the rhyme anyway (witness me being contrary) because it gives it a song-like quality.

My friend, I'm telling you it's not all too rare
Everything is pulled from above
My friend, It's true I swear
Everything always falls
Always falls
down

I love the way it slows at the end of that stanza. One gets the impression of hitting the ground lol.

Everything always falls down, my friend
You do, I do, everyone does
It's all due to gravity, in the end

This bit is good. Not sure I like the repetition of 'in the end' but I suppose it does emphasize the idea.

I don't think you realise the gravity
of it all
My friend

Hehe a nice touch of wordplay there. You can see the poem winding up, which helps place emphasis on 'end' at - well, the end, lol.

you always fall
in the
end

Like 'Matt' said, 'end' really gives it finality, plus it echoes the structure of the previous verse. It has a lot of depth that isnt always clear on the first reading. Very good work, especially for someone who doesnt like poetry...

Thanks bubble! I don't like poetry, but I'll be honest with you, the prize is £1500!