Young Writers Society

(NOTE to reader: I made a few tweaks to my poem, hopefully to help the flow of it seem a little more the way I had originally intended it to sound. I hope it helps! Here's my slightly revised version. . .)

Play a faithful note, piano boy,
And let me hear your righteous song aloud.
Sing the chorus to your song, piano boy,
And bless us both with a warming crowd.
Play soulful music all night, piano boy.
Let the good one's message speak through you.
And when your fingers grow tired, and your voice is gone and sore,
Speak the words of our good Lord,
For he gave you your gift, nothing more.
Thus, you must bless the world with all he has given you,
And make something with what he has not.
For we are all here as his messengers, piano boy,
I pray this message will not soon be forgot.

I didn't like how you strayed from your first stanza's rhyming pattern, but other than that, I really liked it.
Great job!

My favorite part was :

SmylinG wrote:Play a faithful note, piano boy,
And let me hear your righteous song aloud.
Sing the chorus to your song, piano boy,
And bless us both with a warming crowd.

So beautiful <3

xoxo,
Kiicoh.

I agree with the person above me, breaking he overall pattern; the number of lines, the rhyming, the structure and he repetition was not partially a good thing to do. Overall a very good poem. I like the idea behind it and the way you have knitted everything together. The song is rather lyrical which i like.

Sometimes you in unnecessary words ( this is just an opinion) but cutting some out will help the flow.

And when your fingers grow tired of playing, and your voice is gone and sore,

Try cutting out 'of playing' because this line is a little to long.

I really do love this poem. It speaks very well to me. Keep up the good work!

I agree with everyone else- straying from the structure was a bit of a disappointment and it broke up my rhythm of reading it. But this has so much potential! There's a lot of beauty to the message; the first stanza is really great, but then the last two feel disconnected somehow. It was the broken pattern most likely. Good luck!

Hey again, Smy. Review time. ^^

Again, wow. What a sweet little poem. I like the idea of a boy playing piano. "Piano boy" is cute. XD It's brilliant imagery. Again, it's short and sweet. A novel condensed down into a few lines, I suppose. The flow is imperfectly perfect and just fine exactly how it is. And the rythm is fine too.

As for anything that needs tinkering with... I don't really have anything to say about it. This poem seems just fine right now. Overall, a beautiful and brilliant little poem. Thank you for the poetry, I adore it. Truly, I do. *clicks like* Keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar.

Hey there, thought I'd pop over and review something of yours and I seen you had a fan of this so I fancied having a peek XD

Play a faithful note, piano boy,
And let me hear your righteous song aloud.
Sing the chorus to your song, piano boy,
And bless us both with a warming crowd.
Play soulful music all night, piano boy.
Let the good one's message speak through you.
And when your fingers grow tired, and your voice is gone and sore, I think the ands are unnecessary and gone should be replaced by an alternate more descriptive word such as 'raspy' for example
Speak the words of our good Lord.
For he gave you your gift, nothing more.
Thus you must bless the world with all he has given you, Feels out of place.
And make something with what he has not.
For we are all here as his messengers, piano boy,
I pray this message will not soon be forgot.

I love love love the repetition of 'piano boy.' In fact, I think it would be nice if you tweaked the end of the poem so that 'piano boy' were the two final words.

Great poem!

Hi there! That is really a beautiful poem! ^_^

Nitpicks:

Sing the chorus to your song, piano boy,

- Perhaps, it is more correct if you used 'of' instead of 'to'.

Speak the words of our good Lord.
For he gave you your gift, nothing more.

- You should use a comma instead of a period after 'Lord' because the following line is continued from the preceding one.

Thus you must bless the world with all he has given you,

- I think you should put a comma after 'Thus'.


The way you laid down the message on the poem is really simple. clean, and beautiful. It's easy to connect to the words. And there are no negative emotions which is one reason why it is really 'calming' to read. Also, the little imagery you put there (the fingers part) is, I think, enough. Hehe, great job!

Never stop writing! *thumbs up*

This has such a nice lyric flow to it, I keep singing "play your piano, piano boy" (please excuse me if i go off on a personal tangent. I do that often) okay, first thing is first. OUTSTANDING. I myself play the piano, so I understand the personal influence the music has on a pianist. The part about this being his only gift caught my attention. I think that it gave a slightly solemn feeling for a time. I see you added religion into your piece. Though i am not very religious person, i think the "singing for the faith in lord" gave it a more powerful projection. Some of your lines were alittle long, but i think that that has a more slow, sad feeling for it, which intensifies the poem. It is a good piece and i congradulate you. Well done.

Hi there

This is really good. I love the subject, and where you take it.

There are a few things that you could work on, though.

Firstly, it feels a bit over complicated in parts, and feels pretty dense in parts.

You could improve this spacing out the text more and making the sentences sharper and punchier.

But I do really love the lyrical quality it has and the simple idea.

Hi!

I really liked this poem. It was really nice and had a very good flow to it. I'm not going to make this too long because you seem to have good criticism here already, I just had to let you know I like it!

Deanie x