Young Writers Society

Stop pretending like you don't care,
Because I know you do.
I can see the tears that you are trying to hide.

Thanks for looking after me,
But now it's your turn to let it out.
Don't worry, it's okay to cry

Hi-ya! I think you have a brilliant start for a great poem! Right now as a reader, I feel like your telling me everything and not letting me see or feel it. There's not much emotion, but with a little help it'll be better. Brilliant! Keep writing, I do enjoy your writing!

Stop pretending like you don't care,
Because I know you do.
I can see the tears that you are trying to hide. This line is really simplistic, dress it up with detail, don't be afraid to venture out with some rarer words

Thanks for looking after me, 'Thanks' seems too casual for such a big 'thank you'. Elaborate on this, talk about your own tears he/she cried.
But now it's your turn to let it out.
Don't worry, it's okay to cry I like the rhyme you've got going here. Again, venture out with sentence structure, etc.

I really loved the intimacy I felt flowing through this poem. It made me think about the times my mom had been the 'weak' one, the one who needed protection. That's really great that you as a writer could evoke that!
Good luck and keep writing!
-KatTrain

Awe, this is really good. (:
You were able to show so much emotion, in such a short piece. Amazing!
I just have two small suggestions for this last stanza:

Thanks for looking after me,
But now, it's your turn to let it out. (Just add in a comma after "now")
Don't worry, it's okay to cry.(I think you should just add a period since it is the end of the poem)

Oh, and by the way, I absolutley love your ending line. Great way to end off. There's a lot of emotion and it sums everything up.

Loved the poem, keep it up!

Wow! This is a really short piece but it's beautifully written. I love it! Happy writing!

QARA QUEEN! + sister!

I loved this little poem! It was really short, but I think writing short poems is a test. It's like trying to find out how much emotion you can display by the smallest amount of words possible. I think you very much succeeded! It brought through lots of feeling, and even though it was like - 6 lines? I was still able to feel satisfied at the end like I do when I've read a whole book!

qaralynn wrote:Stop pretending like you don't care,
Because I know you do.
I can see the tears that you are trying to hide.

Thanks for looking after me,
But now it's your turn to let it out.
Don't worry, it's okay to cry

The bits in red are my favourite lines. They are really true and I think they send through the most emotion.

Great job sis! *huggles*

Deanie x