Young Writers Society

Oink
I’m a pig
the way I live
Is not looked upon
as clean, even for a barn
But hey, what can I say
That’s just our way
and it works fine
for all the swine
so I’m proud
to oink
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In the barnyard
on a cloudless day
the mud getting hard
but wallowing anyway
The day is peaceful
and fairly normal
with a belly full
to sleep I fall

Cute poem.

This has great rhyme scheme but you really need to add punctuation. Also, look through it and read it out loud two or three times to make sure that it all rhymes well.

Good job and good luck in your contest.

Keep writing,
Alzora

I agree, this was cute. There are places where your rhyming doesn't rhyme... so you should try and find some better rhymes. And yes, punctuation would be nice... I liked how the lengths of your lines made a little picture, well not really a picture, a triangle, you know what I mean. It was cute, and I don't have much to comment on. So, that's all I have to say.

Aw, these poems are so cute! I prefer the second one, just because it pretty much oozes tranquility. And, in a philosophical sense, it's more interesting as well. After all... even though the mud becomes hard, it is still possible to enjoy peace by wallowing in what you can enjoy. A nice metaphor for the problems in life. A lovely sentiment! Anyway, basically I loved this.

The first one was nice too, but it felt a little bit defensive at the same time, since the pig was saying that this wasn't clean according to what everybody said. But, it had the word "oink" in it, so I am happy!

Anyway, nice stuff!

Ha -- brilliant!

Is this for Snoinks competition? In any case this is great.

That’s just our way
and it works fine
for all the swine
so I’m proud
to oink

I couldn't help but smile here. Nice work!

P.S. - I am a relative poetry newbie; does this conform to an established style of poetry? Or is this a unique structure?

This was great. I love little poems like these. I have to say that I feel like punctuation wouldn't make much of a difference. The spacing and capitalization helps pace it along. As far as the first one goes, I'm inclined to read it with a slight gangster-ish inflection which is great: the pig has some attitude.

For the second one...I would place a period there. And up to there that's is a great and pointed poem, it has meaning to it. The rest feels a little stretched and almost unnessecary plus the rhyme falls short. Up until the period I think you have a very poetic thought


In the barnyard
on a cloudless day
the mud getting hard
but wallowing anyway(.)
The day is peaceful
and fairly normal
with a belly full
to sleep I fall

at least its not about death smiley still guards!!!