Young Writers Society

Please don’t break my walls
They protect me from the outside
They keep me safe from all
The terrible things that reside
In the outside world like pain
Who needs things like love?
There is really nothing to gain
I’m fine with my walls the sky above
So please don’t break my walls
I have my walls for a good reason
You did not hear me, you heard no calls
To take me away from this prison
Really, I’m saying, you didn’t hear a thing
(Just the shadow of hope you shouldn’t have seen)

Wow! It's really good. I agree with what you say. Love usually brings pain and at the end you take another look and say: "Man!I was stupid.Where's the gain?!"


I have my walls for a good reason
You did not hear me, you heard no calls
To take me away from this prison
Really, I’m saying, you didn’t hear a thing
(Just the shadow of hope you shouldn’t have seen)

I didn't really get this part. I think it needs to be a little bit clearer. Anyway,good luck at writing. Bye.

A pretty good poem; I liked it a lot, especially the subject. I think you had some really good thoughts going on in your head.

Well, the rhythm could have used a lot more work and just by splitting the lines in different places, maybe rearranging some words and lines. To be frank, I tried to read it out loud and couldn't, because it's just so cracky and split up, if you know what I mean. But, you did have really good spelling and all that stuff, I didn't find any mistakes, so that's good.

Really, I’m saying, you didn’t hear a thing
(Just the shadow of hope you shouldn’t have seen)

I loved these last two lines, you really wrapped it up well. However, I don't believe the parentheses are necessary at all, they just take away from the importance of the last line.

Otherwise, great poetry and keep writing!

Liked this piece.

Haven't seen line breaks with prominent enjambment this good in a while; love the way you did that. Although, whether anything is actually enjambed is arguable, since you lack punctuation and thus it's arguable what you intended as far as phrase breaks. But that just makes it more fun to re-read! =D

Speaking of the lack of punctuation, I approve of it (especially that you managed to go through with it wholeheartedly). The lines pace themselves, here, and punctuation would crowd out the tone. As I'm reading, I find your language quite suitable for the task of slowing me down and pushing me around gently, guiding as it needs and pleases. The commas in the second-to-last line are useful - they stand out when you get to them, but not in a way that jars the reader (they're only commas, after all, and most of us have seen quite a few in our time... not that they're unimportant, mind you). And they nicely isolate and emphasize the "I'm saying," adding some focus and force to the speaker that might have been lost in his/her somewhat submissive nature.

Good tone work here. I can feel the pleading in the speaker's voice; a subliminal passivity pops up from time to time; an occasional note of command is also present as a counter-balance. The parentheses in the last line do a small wonder, ending the monologue in a fade-out that provides a conclusion but only strengthens audience questions about the speaker's ultimate fate, whether he/she falls to the "to be" side of things or the "not to be."

Good piece, keep writing! :3