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Young Writers Society


I'm A Jesus Freak



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245 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 15440
Reviews: 245
Tue Nov 29, 2011 4:58 am
creativityrules says...



Spoiler! :
Comments, please? :D


So, you believe in God?
Then make him make my momma come back.

I can't, I say.
You look at me like I'm stupid.

So, you're a Jesus Freak?
Tell me, why don't he bring the soldiers home?

I can't, I say.
and you look at me like I'm an idiot.

You know what? I'm a Jesus Freak,
and just because I believe in Jesus doesn't mean I've become him.
If you believe in fairies, does it mean you've become one?
No! It does not! Do I make my point clear?

Why do I believe in God?
Well, why do you believe that when you buy a can of soup,
soup is what's going to be inside, and not Oreo cookies?
If you can have faith in a label plastered to a tin can,
an adhesive sticker manufactured in a factory overseas,
then I can have faith in Jesus, who is everlasting.

Do you think that just because I'm a Christian, my life is perfect?
No! It is not! I'm still human, aren't I?
You think that I don't get depressed, angry, or lonely?
You're so incredibly wrong.
I'm just a scared girl who's found some hope left in this world,
and I cling to it like a shipwrecked sailor lost at sea.
As long as I hold on, I'll survive. I'll hold onto Jesus.
“...it's better to feel the ache inside me like demons scratching at my heart than it is to feel numb the way a dead body feels when you touch it."

-Brian James
  





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Points: 394
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Tue Nov 29, 2011 6:10 am
AngusMacdonald says...



Creativityrules,

Nice one! The poem was clearly heartfelt and genuine, and I like that in a poem. I do have a few minor quarrels, however. I thought at times the flow was off, and I know it probably wasn't meant to flow, but I just had a thought that maybe you could look at expanding and branching away from the poetry aspect of this piece, and maybe transform it into something more essay-like, if you know what I'm saying. I think if you put it into just one or two big paragraphs it would be excellent to read, simply because of the content.

Anyway, I liked the poem, you made your points very clear, and I liked the repetition in the first two stanzas.

Keep up the good work!

Angus
We are the Music-makers. And we are the dreamers of dreams.
  





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58 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1155
Reviews: 58
Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:32 pm
misstoria says...



Wow, I loved this poem. The emotions and story were really true.

So, you believe in God?
Then make him make my momma come back.
I can't, I say. [color=#FF0000here ] You may want to add quotes to clarify that you are speaking [/color]
You look at me like I'm stupid.

So, you're a Jesus Freak?
Tell me, why don't he bring the soldiers home?
I can't, I say. here, too
and you look at me like I'm an idiot.

You know what? I'm a Jesus Freak,
and just because I believe in Jesus doesn't mean I've become him.
If you believe in fairies, does it mean you've become one?
No! It does not! Do I make my point clear?

Why do I believe in God?
Well, why do you believe that when you buy a can of soup,
soup is what's going to be inside, and not Oreo cookies?
If you can have faith in a label plastered to a tin can,
an adhesive sticker manufactured in a factory overseas,
then I can have faith in Jesus, who is everlasting. I found this stanza cleaver and intresting

Do you think that just because I'm a Christian, my life is perfect?
No! It is not! I'm still human, aren't I? so true!
You think that I don't get depressed, angry, or lonely?
You're so incredibly wrong.
I'm just a scared girl who's found some hope left in this world,
and I cling to it like a shipwrecked sailor lost at sea.
As long as I hold on, I'll survive. I'll hold onto Jesus.


Keep writing! -Tori
You are more than the choices that you've made, you are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create, You'v been remade.

http://writemeaway.blogspot.com/
  





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Points: 955
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Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:59 pm
magpie817 says...



creativityrules,
I'm a Christian, and I feel this struggle all the time. It's really comforting to know that there are such devout Christians like you out there :) keep on in your strong faith, it's so inspiring!
Magpie
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1104
Reviews: 9
Tue Nov 29, 2011 10:12 pm
ObdurateMiller says...



I really liked it and can relate because my closest friend is a Christian. She tells me all about Jesus and God and I believe too. You're completely right throughout the whole piece and I can't wait to read something else by you. Good job and good luck.
ObdurateMiller
  








Even strength must bow to wisdom sometimes.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief