Young Writers Society

You have to know when it's ok
to make fun of your friends,
to point at people,
to chill in sweatpants.

To just laugh, is to be cool
not being a prep,
not being "individualistic",
not getting straight A's,
not being sadistic.

Sure, drama sucks.
so does losing a close relative,
so does having skin cancer,
so does being told your worthless,
so does giving people second chances.

What's with all the hate?
when we should be happy,
when we should cherish,
when we should sing,
when we should live.

There's a time to laugh.
in a world where things must be simple,
in being in love,
in a time where we learn, learn to laugh,
in highschool.

I agree with this sooo much. : ) I hate how seriously everyone is taking life (and how everyone is almost FORCED to take life seriously....whether it be good grades or losing somebody, it seems like everybody's being dragged down by something). This was simple and straightforward, and I think it worked really well with the topic because it gave the impression of "we're still kind of kids," and I think that's what you were getting at a little bit here. It's nice that it's so laid-back and optimistic. The one problem I have is this line:

so does getting hurt, when you're trying to be a dancer.

It was a point where I could definitely tell you were working for a rhyme and a rough idea without comfortably finding a way to portray it. This caused the sentence to be too long and ruin the poem's flow. But yeah, minor thing, and I really do like this. We need more sunny poetry.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

You have to know when it's ok
to make fun of your friends,
to point at people, This stanza could be more flow-y if that makes any sense
to chill in sweatpants.

To just laugh, is to be cool This sounds awkward, not poetic. You're forcing the rhyme here
not being a prep,
not being "individualistic",
not getting straight A's,
not being sadistic.

Sure, drama sucks.
so does losing a close relative,
so does having skin cancer,
so does being told your worthless,
so does giving people second chances. mm this is true, this line makes you think. Good job

What's with all the hate?
when we should be happy,
when we should cherish, This entire stanza is pretty cliche and I think it could be reworded
when we should sing,
when we should live.

There's a time to laugh.
in a world where things must be simple, Why must they be simple? Because they're really not.
in being in love, I had to re-read the lines above to understand this. It's too disjointed
in a time where we learn, learn to laugh,
in highschool.

I think you could show me what you mean rather then tell me what you mean. It's a great idea, very relate-able and I give you major props for writing it. I think you should re-read this and patch up the awkward lines and then add some imagery.
Keep writing:)
-Kat

Hey, Marmy!

The sheer simplistic style and statement that this poem gives off seems like it's coming from a true blue high schooler. It's got attitude and spunk and a bit of personality as well (not the high schooler, the poem, lol xD). I do get the entire purpose of this message and I appreciate the fact that you've made it so relate-able. But as a poetic piece, it doesn't stand out much and doesn't say much for itself which is quite ironic since the poem demands to be heard and is quite straight-forward in its delivery.

Everything appeared to me in the form of general context. There was nothing unique in this piece as a whole. It was like random speak about the philosophy that one must adhere to when at high-school. The entire concept, if you take a close look, is quite nice and should be encouraged a little more. There was no metaphor, no imagery and no connection that the reader could get from the piece with the poem. Talk a little more about the way people behave in school or of the pressures of fellow peers and the constant nagging of studies and homework and the reason why we shouldn't be complaining about little things like that. So basically, what was lacking was some life and some rhythm. It looked really plain as a whole and just had sentences placed in order of stanzas. In some parts you were rhyming, you were doing free verse, you're using repetitiveness etc. This is all fine, but do it in a way that the reader doesn't get perplexed as to the direction of the format.

All in all, this piece has a lot things going for it. It's about school, which is something everyone can relate to, it's about being on top of your problems, it's about staying positive and it's about having a good time altogether. Make this poem your own. Make it unique. Gain some consistency with the overall structure and formatting pattern. And most importantly, practice I like this poem a lot since it has some great potential in it for making waves. Keep the ink flowing always!

Murtuza