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Young Writers Society


Go Well (or Dead Friends)



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Reviews: 280
Sun Dec 04, 2011 7:45 am
joshuapaul says...



Spoiler! :
The first poem I have written. Something of a free-write at that.


.......Bread broken
by hands as dry as the cowboys lunge,
and later they hold
quiet good byes
over a cold ear.

For veins of wine,
the grifter's fallacy
belongs beneath the glitter of
phosphorus, where treacherous words
escape like bats from a cave.

And the audience gawk
the rorschach fleet
swirling against the moon;
the black sky heaves and crawls,
steeped in unholy metaphor.



.......Good byes don't hurt,
not like I'm sorry.
God knows I've uttered a few.

Like when I learnt
that breath can be forced
into dead lungs

and the metronome
thumped from hibernation,
but that doesn't matter any more.
Read my latest
  





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Gender: Male
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Sun Dec 04, 2011 8:30 am
camronmarshall says...



Got your message and logged on immediately. You may not see this so I will email you my thoughts on the poem. Though I suspect this poem may be something of an anomaly. You've got my email ;)
  





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Points: 1033
Reviews: 24
Sun Dec 04, 2011 3:01 pm
ladymarmalade says...



Really makes you think. I had to read it once or twice to grasp exactly what you were trying to say, but I understand it fully by the end. great description and nice smooth flow with words. Altogether excellent!
  








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