Young Writers Society

Battle

16 years on this Earth
So why is she treated so much different than anyone else?
Blonde hair.
Blue eyes.
Perfect on the outside.

But on the inside,
it’s a whole different world.
Alcoholic mother,
Dead father,
A brother who died at 3.
and now, bad has gone to worse;
Is she cursed or blessed with pregnancy?
It wasn’t by choice,
but nobody stops to ask her that.
They just judge.

and she doesn’t deserve it.
------ the harsh names;
------ the hurtful jokes;
all from the people who didn’t know,
didn’t think;
just said the things that caused such a deep
depression;
suicidal thoughts-

thoughts that could’ve lead to the death of three.

But she’s strong enough
------ to make it though;
------ to keep the children;
------ to fight through the last two years of high school;
------ to believe in herself;

------ to put the knife down.

Woah, I don't know what came over me, because I don't usually appreciate poetry and most of the time when I read them they all seemed like sappy sob stories to me. I especially loved Battle, to be honest when I read the first paragraph I thought the it meant that she couldn't go into battle because she was a girl.

But then I read on and discovered that she was skimping an' scraping through high-school were everyone mis-judged her because she had children at such a young age. The visual accompaniment I got was a beautiful girl, sticking to the shadows in her own misery, with people passing by with sniggers and whispers. While she re-lived her dreaded past over and over again, but slowly, she became less slouched, more confident and in the end, strong enough to overcome the views of others.

Wow. That's such a full-on thing to write about but for some, I suppose it's so realistic. I love how it's all so blunt and honest, such as this part here:

Alcoholic mother,
Dead father,
A brother who died at 3.

Well done, and I hope to see more of your work!

NightWriter x

I love it!

Hi mkg1017! xD

Cookie here to review as a 3rd person ( which is oh-so-not-great. ) . Anyway, this poem made me sad, powerful on the inside and angry for some reason. Maybe because of the stupid people? *sigh*

I liked the way you put the sentences in order. I loved it very much.
This stanza was pretty powerful to me:

mkg1017 wrote:Alcoholic mother,
Dead father,
A brother who died at 3.
and now, bad has gone to worse

I felt sad and it was really pushing. You know what I mean, yes?

mkg1017 wrote:But she’s strong enough
------ to make it though;
------ to keep the children;
------ to fight through the last two years of high school;
------ to believe in herself;

Here, I think you mean't "through" instead of "though".

Now, what I found negative is that, your stanza's don't have the correct number of lines. You check any poetry, either they will be in:

-No stanza's.
-With stanza's with the correct number of lines.

I'm just saying, so that next time, you don't get that wrong, okay?

Overall: Excellent work! <3' I would give this a 9/10.

Keep Writing!
Cookie ^.^