A/N: A free-verse written out of boredom and a refusal to write my essay. Heed the warning!
Push, pull
Thrust , shove
Never stopping, never moving.
That’s the two of us
Stuck in some kind of extrinsic world
Where neither of us is right or wrong,
But we still end up running in place,
Trying to find some kind of
Happiness.
**
one a.m. every day
he lifts open my window
with a squeak and a grunt
and slithers his way inside,
inside the capacity of my room,
and for whatever reason,
I never say a word
Even when he slithers his way
Into the warmth of my cocoon
Or even when his fingers
Slide their way over my face,
Over my chest, and then
Yes. He feels it, I feel it
We both feel it
And we both feel it, yes,
When his fingers slide
Lower and lower.
**
There are things I believe in
and things I can see that he
Can’t believe in,
Doesn’t want to see,
But still we see other,
And sometimes that’s more than enough,
except when the voices get too loud
And the arguments too stupid
And the tears too much,
Because that’s when the hope flickers
Just a little bit.
**
once upon a time
I think we were normal, or as normal
as the two of us have ever been,
just two morons who laughed too loud
and listened to no one else but each other
because that was all we needed,
and we were fine with that.
then it happened, and I saw him
really saw him, and the most painful thing
was that I loved what I saw.
**
Hope.I think that’s where we went wrong
Because we used to be okay,
Things used to be easier.
Then one day I looked
At him and he looked at me,
And damn it if that exchange
Didn’t change everything,
Because all of a sudden,
He was beautiful to me,
And all I wanted was for him
To ask me to stay.
**
And what are we now?
I wish I could say, but I can’t,
and he can’t
because we just don’t know.
All we have is the touching,
and that’s all we do, and God
it’s too much, too much
it’s always too much
to feel the pleasure the burn
the excitement from every soft touch
that whispers “hello.”
no words are spoken, but that’s better
because words, words would make it real,
turn it from a fabricated dream into reality,
and that’d be a shame, quite a shame,
because there’s a magical
feeling when those fingers
slip inside me, and somehow
I’m gripping onto him tight
maybe too tight,
and then those fingers,
oh, those fingers,
are everywhere at once,
and I burn under the heaviness of them,
loving it and hating it both,
but thinking that it’s
alright, because
I like the pain,crave the pain
that makes the love feel less alive.
**
If I could somehow read his mind,
I wonder just what I’d see
What I’d hear,
If it’s anything like what I see
What I hear,
And I wonder if he wants to go back,
Or is this fine,fine just the way it is?
I feel like there’s
Pain in his eyes
That he tries to hide,
Pain that he won’t let me see
Can’t let me see, but I want to see
Especially when he squeezes me hard,
Too hard, and cries when it’s over,
Because all I can ever do then
Is just hold him, just hold him
Until the tears stop,
All the while trying not to cry myself
and wishing he’d just ask me to stay.
**
Damn, the tears,the goddamn tears
come every time,
the second he comes,
the second he fills me,
and there’s never a thing I can do to stop it,
especially when those arms,
oh those arms, wrap around me,
and those lips kiss my temple soft, too soft,
asking me what I want…
what do I want
what the fuck do I want?
I could say I want tomorrow,
the day after, and the day after with him
and that’d be nice, but it can’t happen,
won’t happen,
because selfishness has a line
before it becomes desperation,
and that’s not me,
I just want…
I don’t know what I want
if it’s the hugs, the love, or the happiness
but none of it is mine, can’t be mine.
but I’d be his, all he has to do is ask,
please just ask, and while he’s at it,
I could ask him to stay,
And maybe, just maybe he could just say
“I love you.”
Gender:
Points: 1673
Reviews: 6