Young Writers Society

A poem inspired by a quote because I lack originality.



I wasn't at the funeral,
But I still mourn the death twelve years
After the tragedy.
Not all of us know of the absence.
Not all of us appreciated the presence.
A present
To life:
Originality.

Those filled with
Sporadic beauty can feel
The vacant room across the hall
From his or her heart.
We are only the grievers,
A new age: unlabeled
And not quite anything.
Post-originality sounds demeaning,
It just sounds sad.

The struggle we were meant
To live has changed. A war for
Creation. A war against
Recreation. The difference is
The war. The difference is in
The casualties: so many minds killed
and spoiled; vision loses the remedy when
Used twice to heal. So we step
Carefully over barbed wire
To survive (can't stand with cuts on
Your feet). Some gain
History, unearned and injured. Some become
Silhouettes or broken ovens or burnt
Words, unearned and golden and buried
In painted mountains.

We all feel the trill on the anniversary of
The passing. A murder, brutal and
still, disquieting for the Unquiet.
And we gather here together
And we keep our heads down and we keep our thoughts in.
Everyday is the anniversary because no one knows
Whowhatwhenwhyhow it was killed.
No one has seen the gravestone,
And everyone knows
What the inscription says:
"Originality is dead" *

*A quote by Kale Lasn

I love this poem so much! I thought it was terrific! What a great idea. It's ironic, because you write about unoriginality, in a poem that is so original. The first line,

I wasn't at the funeral,

caught my eye immediately.

The only part that I didn't like was this one because it stuck out.

Those filled with entropy
And beauty with melancholy
And beauty with light
And beauty with simply beauty

My favorite part came right after it:

We are only the grievers,
A new age: unlabeled
And not quite anything.
Post-originality sounds demeaning,
It just sounds sad.

A nitpick:

So we step
Carefully over barbed wire
To survive (can't stand with cuts on
Your feet). (A great image, by the way.)

I love that you call the death a murder. The ending is pretty good, but I had to read it twice to understand it.

Whowhatwhenwhyhow it was killed.
No one has seen the grave,
And everyone knows what it says:
"Originality is dead" *

I would suggest adding something about how "Originality is dead" is inscribed on the gravestone, because it wouldn't be written on the grave itself.

Never stop writing!

Originality has been resurrected!

Seriously. This was really good! I love this line:

Post-originality sounds demeaning,
It just sounds sad

And the last line, too, of course, was brilliant. I definitely see where you're coming from, and I know I've personally fallen victim to reiterating what's already been said before. You have a lot of clever lines here, and while I thought it could've flowed a little more smoothly, this was still really, really well written.
Keep writing!
StoryWeaver

I like this. I'm not going to ultra critiqu but i really like this. It seems like everywhere when someone starts doing someone everyone else does something. It's up to us as humans to be original. To define ourselves in a new way that nobody's ever thought of before. Standing out. Unfortunately the 'cool' people shoot down rectreation and procreation because it's 'strange' or 'weird' but they're just afraid and insecure about change. This is epic writing.