Young Writers Society

I want that kiss
The one with the crescendo.
That happens at the end of movies
Where did it go?
People are making out,
Before the intro.
I want true love
That lasts forever.
With problems,
That can be solved,
Not just forgotten.
Is happiness really that complicated?
Now there are,
Cheaters
Heart-breakers
Sluts
Hoes
Players
And douche bags.
Where’s the white knight?
The Prince Charming?

Where is love?

So true. I don't know of anything to say other than that. I love how you seemed to stick with free-verse but maybe it would be better if you added a slight rhyme. Just a suggestion. I love this though. My favorite part: "I want that kiss/the one with the crescendo"

Wow, this was so pretty! I actually have absolutely nothing to critique on this
You've just earned a like from me, which doesn't happen too often! Keep writing!

I think this is a great poem! I agree with the previous reviewer, it is so true. I actually wanted it to be longer. The beginning is an amazing start and then it just ends. I liked that you kept the reference to movies through out it. One part I have a problem with:

Now there are,
Cheaters
Heart-breakers
Sluts
Hoes
Players
And douche bags.

I just thought that "Now there are" is the wrong thing to say, since cheaters and jerks have been around forever. Also, I don't think you should include the heart-breakers in your list because all the other types of people are just bad people. Heart-breakers aren't always bad people or aren't intentional heart-breakers. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I thought it was super. I hope you add onto it!

Never stop writing!

I really liked this! It was cute and true, which is always a lovely combination. It had a nice overall feel, but it was a bit choppy in some spots, and you had a few problems with punctuation.

"I want that kiss --
The one with the crescendo --
That happens at the end of movies.
Where did it go?
People are making out, You don't need a comma here.
Before the intro.
I want true love
That lasts forever. You don't need the period.
With problems,
That can be solved,
Not just forgotten.
Is happiness really that complicated?
Now there are, You don't need the comma.
Cheaters
Heart-breakers
Sluts
Hoes
Players
And douche bags.
Where%u2019s the white knight?
The Prince Charming?

Where is love?"

That's just what I think, reading through it rather quickly. I'm by no means an expert in poetry punctuation, though, so that may not be correct. :3 The only real problem with choppiness is perhaps in these lines:
"I want true love
That lasts forever.
With problems,
That can be solved,
Not just forgotten."

They could flow a bit better, but I'm being sort of nitpicky.

It seems like I just said that a lot of stuff was wrong with it, but it really was quite good! I love the way it begins and the way it ends, and I love the sort of abrupt feeling placement of "douche bags."

So yeah, lovely poem and keep on writing.

Where is it, really? I would like to know (though I think I found an answer).

I like this poem because it is relevant, short and simple, and not too choppy. I do get tired of watching critics question what loves is, is it subjective, does it exist, et cetera. This poem is very relaxing yet it makes you think.

I feel that it couls have flowed a bit better in some places and it lost my attention about once or twice, but no major grammar or punctuation problems.

I want that kiss
The one with the crescendo.
That happens at the end of movies
Where did it go?
People are making out,
Before the intro. I really loved this analogy.


Where is love? I do not like this ending that much, for some reason. It's kind of a cliche and uninteresting way to end a poem. Try to spice it up a bit

Well, that's all. Keep writing!

AMEN.

That is all I have to say. *bows*

Thank you everyone for the positive feedback on my poem!

ohhellothere Punctuation in poems has always been difficult for me, but thank you for the help. I know I'm going to have to work on it.

shiney1 Re-reading it over, I do see how that my ending is sort of boring and bland. I'll have to spice it up a little more, haha. Thanks!!

Ah you have to use this in creative writing class...in some way shape or form!

crazedasian1 wrote:I want that kiss
The one with the crescendo. Great opening!
That happens at the end of movies
Where did it go?
People are making out,
Before the intro. I like this line, but it sounds a bit like your trying to push a rhyme to much...if that makes sense
I want true love
That lasts forever.
With problems,
That can be solved,
Not just forgotten. Explain this a bit more...add some images or something
Is happiness really that complicated? You should find a way to repeat this question through out your poem...if you want
Now there are,
Cheaters
Heart-breakers
Sluts
Hoes
Players
And douche bags.
Where’s the white knight?
The Prince Charming?

Where is love?

Hi Crazed! No wonder you're works are crazy themselves

You're right about that girl! Where is true love these days? A few decades ago in the movie world, true love is the hottest topic, but now its just a faded idea. If we can't find it in movies, how ' bout in rel life? You got some guts there, by the way. Here's a rubric scoring for you:

Content:
As I've said, you got the guts to say an overstatement on 'why the change of scenes'. I think many romance readers and moviegoers notice this. Even our most favored authors put in some gruesomeness in their works. I also like the message you put in. It's not just about the movies but in real life. Is there true love outside the barriers of media? I think that's a nother question you left to the readers.

Technicality:

I want that kiss
The one with the crescendo.
That happens at the end of movies
Where did it go?
People are making out, This should be in the next stanza
Before the intro.
I want true love
That lasts forever.
With problems,
That can be solved,
Not just forgotten.
Is happiness really that complicated?
Now there are, This should be in the next stanza, and skip the comma, no need for that
Cheaters
Heart-breakers
Sluts I think you should try a lighter word since you're not the one in the movie who's been cheated
Hoes
Players
And douche bags. I think 'douche bags' shouldn't be here because it breaks the serious mood
Where’s the white knight? I love this verse!
The Prince Charming?

Where is love?I like this verse too!

I think those are the only things which I noticed! Keep up the good work!

Word Choice and Structure:
As I've said, try to skip the slut because you were keeping a negative emotion, not a hot angry one. I actually like your words! You used some terms that are from movies and some from your own. Therefore making your poem understandable to many readers .

Overall:
You're poem is a star in the sky of wakening up the people about the problems we're having these days. Where's all this and all that: a question with much impact it can affect readers. Affecting readers is a an important quality in any poem. Keep it up, you're there, just a little more!

Your Quick Critic,
Al

P.S.