Young Writers Society

The White Crow

On wings of white; freshly fallen snow,
feathers agleam; touched by light.
News brought forth; on open beak;
ill tidings, death; nightmarish ends.

The creature’s eyes; red as blood,
envision destruction; scent of decay.
Flooded rivers; bloated bodies, wade.
Deception is wrought; lies told in gore.

On borrowed time; elusive shadows.
The living flee; on unsteady legs.
“Too slow!”; the creature cries,
“Too slow you fools!”; misfortune comes.

A warning brought; in painted lies.
No one will heed; the truth too cold,
destruction imminent; unwashed paint.
two sides of a coin; one black one white.

The white crow; creature of deception.
To save one; is to kill another.
The black crow; it's true identity.
Cursed creature; turn to ash.

Ah lovely! Your use of language is remarkable and portrays brilliantly the spirit of the crow

I especially love this bit! -

Flooded rivers; bloated bodies, wade.
Deception is wrought; lies told in gore.

Your use of punctuation is brilliant - all the pauses and the stops are perfectly placed. This is something that's really important to me in poetry and you've done a fantastic job.

You know, I especially envy poets because they create a lyrical sensation that is just beyond my reach of creativity - almost a song from another world. Your poem is stunning. And I especially like it because it's not about love or loss, it's about the total opposite. It's a brutal poem about such a scavenging creature, but beautifully written.

Well done and I'm certainly going to take a look at some of your other poems, because they also look fantastic!

Great job and don't ever stop writing

I absolutly LOVED this! I love the dynamic rhythm it represents. It shows that people really do show their true colors, usually ones we care not to see. Deception often being one. Excellent job!

Wow! A change of heart, huh?

I can see that from the cold words you put in the "White Crow", you added these colorful and creative words which made the dread and drear in the poem more heavy. The structure of your new work is also perfect. It was measured, as seen at a distance, which adds to the overall effect of your post presentation.

The new theme which you embedded was a sudden growth from the past. But it was still in perspective and it was beautiful. Your imagery also amazed; you're a great word player!

These are my favorite verses:

A warning brought; in painted lies.
No one will heed; the truth too cold,
destruction imminent; unwashed paint.
two sides of a coin; one black one white.

Scenery and imagination in one!

New Score:
Almost there, just a little more. But no need to edit if you don't want to. It's already great!

Your reviewer,
Al