Young Writers Society

A world frozen in crystals, ice
Silences an angry night;
Reclaims the land once belonged,
And silences a rageful song.
Light once pulsed with vibrant beats,
Now dead beneath the silent feet;
Quiet lives and yet remains
Until the music restakes its claims.

The Earth becomes its one and only -
But even then, a world lay lonely.

For silence is silence and silence alone,
And music is beats and nothing but bone.

* note:
this was written as an LA assignment based on a piece of artwork so I'm not sure how much sense it will make to anyone who has not seen the exhibit. however, any comments are appreciated, particularly on the lines 'The Earth becomes it one and only - But even then, a world lay lonely' because I'm not sure about the first of the two yet I want to keep the second. So, yeah. Thanks in advance.

I really like this, a lot actually. Its message is quite simplistic, but you use a lot of good vocabulary to describe it. It seems to me like you're taking about a loud song being replaced by silence, but there seems to be another meaning, almost like there should be another layer to it. If there isn't, and it's as simple as music v. silence, then I still think it's brilliant.

A world frozen in crystals, ice
Silences an angry night

I like this sentence a lot. It reminds me of ice forming, and reaching towards moving objects or beings, and just freezing them still. Also, I like how you say 'world' instead of something like 'place' or 'land' because it gives a sense of the whole Earth being frozen, instead of just a part of it, or makes it feel like another planet entirely. The second line, although not as poetic as the first, gives a great sense of absolute stillness. It's a great way to start the poem off.

;Reclaims the land once belonged,
And silences a rageful song.

Belonged by what/who? Belonged by sound, music, beat, songs? That's my guess. The first line just seems a little bit unfinished. Apart from that, this bit's good too, although not a good as the first part. Really, I wouldn't change anything actually. The more I read it the more I like it.

Light once pulsed with vibrant beats,
Now dead beneath the silent feet

Whoa. I love this. This really gives a sense of a whole other strange world. Because light doesn't really 'pulse' and you can't step on it, so I love how you have used the verbs and nouns metaphorically. Also the rhythm and rhyme is great and unforced (for the previous lines as well).

;Quiet lives and yet remains
Until the music restakes its claims.

What still remains? My only guess would be silence, because you have alternating descriptions, oh and you've uesd 'quiet' in that sentence. Maybe it's just me then, but it isn't clear. But, again, the more I read it the more I like it. Here the rhyme feels a tiny bit forced, because it feels like you've cropped the first line short in order to make it rhyme. It's still not bad, but it's not as good as the rest of that stanza.

The Earth becomes its one and only -
But even then, a world lay lonely.

I'm not sure what you're worried about, I love this. It seems to me what it means is: Silence has taken over and won, (and line two means) but it seems more lonely and more lifeless without the sound.

For silence is silence and silence alone,
And music is beats and nothing but bone.

This is the best part of the poem, and I feel that you were right in putting it as a new stanza, because it's in a league of its own out there. Does the word 'bone' have anything to do with your piece of artwork? Like it's made from bone or something along those lines? That's the only relevance to art that I can find. I love the repetition in the first line, it really makes the rhythm more strong and powerful.

Overall, it was great! If the exhibit's still up, and if you can, you should take a picture and post it in the Art's and Photography forum on YWS (if you haven't already) and then put the link to the topic on the poem, and the link to the poem on the photo. Great work.
-Anna

This poem is SOOOOO good I got the chills reading it