Young Writers Society

Yeah I entered this for the contest... but.... yeah...

It was half past seven when we arrived at the edge of our journey. It so happened that my best friend and me had planned this for quite some time and finally we were able to bask in our glorious success of meeting up with each another and gathering to watch the sunset.

We leaned against the hood of my car and gazed at the marvelous array of colors that the sky had brought onto us.

We were atop the cliffs that had a wonderful view of the city below us. We could also see the farms, acres of green grass that filled the landscape.

“Aren’t you eager?” my friend asked me as the time ticked by. Of course I was excited, he and me haven’t been together, or seen each other, in over 2 years. We met way back in middle school but now he was all grown up and living in Boston and I was living in Washington. We always talked about seeing a sunset together, as a symbol of our everlasting friendship. Today was our day of camaraderie, and I knew this would last in my memory for eternity.

It was nearly a quarter to eight by the time he began to jump around giddily and ordered me to look up at the sky. And as I looked up I knew that there was no way I could ever face reality again.

It was the most astounding thing you could ever hope to see, and we were at the edge of the cliffs. We gasped in admiration as the sun shone above the city, the horizon, above life. The sky went through the most miraculous transformation as the great light slowly sunk downward casting benevolent messages that seemed to say that this was indeed a most amazing thing.

Pink and orange-violet delight danced across the sky and then deepened until it was no more than a deep black with pearls floating among the invisible line of magic.

He and I gaped at the moon and the stars, pointing out every constellation we could find. He was more of the poetic type for he described and pointed out over 10 formations in the sky as I stared transfixed by them and his words. Our breaths were steamy in the night air and I huddled against him for warmth. We weren’t really ready to leave this place. A special event had taken place here.

We had finally decided to leave after talking so long but before I was able to pull away from my friends grasp he held me tighter and looked into my eyes. He had such gorgeous cocoa brown eyes. He placed his arm around my head and pushed our to heads together and we locked lips. I never knew I could be so overjoyed at such a thing.

There we stood at the top of the cliff, leaning against my car, engaged in the most breathtaking kiss.

I liked it. I think it could be better, but I liked it.

The second sentence in the second paragraph is really messed up. I think it needs to be "...we hadn't been together..."
In the begining, you speak as if it has happenedd, then in that sentence, you speak as if it is happening now.

Also, at the end, "kiss" (for some strange reason) seems over used. When you say it twice, it just dosen't have the same impact as it could. I honestly don't know any other way to fix it besides taking the first mentioning out.

But, it was good, and the descriptions were written well. I enjoyed it.

I agree with the kissing part. It's either going to be the first time you mentioned it or the last. You have to take one out. I personally think you should take out the first because the kissing ties up the story. I also think you could have done better when writing it but that's not saying I didn't like it, I did. Just thought it'd be a little bit better then it turned out to be. You do switch from past to present in a few sentences and messed up that one sentence Ohhewwo pointed out. Other than those few mistakes, I liked it and hope to read another short story from you!

Its good

All romantic!! I have always wanted to see a sunset but never had the chance..

Aww...how sweet Liz! Keep writing! I'm such a fluffy romantic too. This made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

That good (Hopes or time together will be as happy and sweet as that)

It's good, sorry i'm repeating myself i agree with Ohhweo it does change tense in some past to present, past to present.

This was quite sweet, and I loved your descriptions of the sunset and the night sky and the acres of farmland, I could see them all clearly. Throughout the entire story I was wondering whether the narrator was male or female... please tell me!