I don’t know where I’m going. But I do know that I’m falling in love with you. I’ve tried to stop myself, but you’re pulling me deeper and deeper into this swirling sensation.
I know you don’t feel anything for me. Maybe lust, I’m not even sure of that. I do know that you’re not in love with me. We’re just friends, with a bit of mischievous flirtation between us. That is all that connects us.
You’re on my mind every night, every day. I try not to think about you, I try not dream of us together. But you’re too intoxicating to resist. I want to take a risk and jump right into this exhilarating emotion. But a part of me is screaming at me, warning me against this decision.
What decision? There’s no decision to make, you haven’t even asked me out. And even if you do, I know it wouldn’t be anything special for you. But it’d be the most special moment for me. Being yours for a minute, you being mine, even if it isn’t real. I no longer know the difference between reality and imagination.
Sometimes I just want to let go of everything and tell you what’s on my mind. But you won’t take me seriously; you’ll just laugh at me. Or maybe you’ll indulge in my fantasies and give me something more to dream about. But I know there will be others too, and I don’t want to share. I want you to be mine, even if for just a minute, I want you to be mine solely.
I love you. Three simple words. You’ll say it to me, not meaning it for a second. But I’ll pretend that you mean it, and you’ll wrap your arms around me and kiss me. Satisfying your desire on me, if it wasn’t me then, it’d be some other girl. It doesn’t make a difference to you, for you we’re all pretty faces, curves and marshmallows.
But I’d ignore it all, and play ‘make believe’ games, pretending that you’re the one for me. Spend a few moments, relishing in your attention, basking in your warmth. You’re that glass of wine, if I drink you, I’ll have one too many and end up doing something I’ll regret later. But atleast I'll have a chance to kiss you.
But you’re so beautiful, and forbidden. I need you, for this one moment, I need you. I hate myself. I hate doing this to myself, I hate waiting all day for you to call, for just a few minutes. But those few minutes everyday are what make me want to live. You make me want to live, your meaningless words of praise, your ‘harmless’ flirting make me want to live. You make me feel special. But your flirting is harming me, and by indulging into it, I’m hurting myself more.
I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I can’t even think of anything besides you. I’m so obsessed with you; I’m making a fool of myself. I know you’re laughing silently when we talk on the phone, thinking that you’ve got this girl head over heels in love with you. Yes, I am head over heels in love with you, but what you don’t know is that I know the games you’re playing with me. Yet, I continue playing dumb, because you’re giving me something no one else has ever given me.
I’m pampering myself with fantasies that will never come true to life. I’ve created a fairy tale. It’s about us, you’re the charismatic and handsome prince and I’m the gorgeous princess. You come to rescue me from the evil witch, and the moment we look at each other we fall in love. Love at first sight.
I wonder what you’ll think if I send you this to you. Will it matter to you? Or will you just laugh and delete it? Will you call me up, and tell me that I’m just being a fool? I don’t know what you’ll do, and it doesn’t matter, because I’m not going to send it to you. Instead, I’m going to send this to a bunch of random people, because it doesn’t matter what they think of me. What matters is what you think of me. I think I already know that, but I’ve always had this thing for ‘make believe’ games, and I’m not ready to let go of my fantasies yet.
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