Young Writers Society

Really? Cool! I'd like to read more of this style... it's really cool. Wait, that was redundant. Sorry, I'm tired. But what I'm trying to say is that I like it. A lot.

I liked it. I can relate to the character Jen on how the voices in her head argue with whether she should or shouldn't hang out with them. I look forward to reading more. Good job!

Hi there.
I really enjoyed reading this. It's quite the sort of thing that anyone can relate to at some point in their lives because we all have voices in our head, arguing all the time, (or at least I do ) but this was very well written. I liked the dialouge, and the only suggestion I could make ha already been said... Make it clear which emotion each number represents.
Apart from that! I am looking forward to reading the next part.
Janice

LOVES it.
Great portrayal of emotion here.
However. (Gosh, I hate to sound redundant, but) I had difficulty telling the difference between voice 1, 3, and 4. Four in particular doesn't seem to stand out in my mind as being, what's the word? Pivotal? She doesn't really have any EMOTION connected with her, so it's difficult to see what facet of Kate she represents. Yes, her motive is memory, but what emotion comes with it? Pain? Jealousy?

My suggestion would be find an emotion to go with four (because, essentially, they're ALL memory oriented) or cancel her out and blend her thoughts with the three remaining voices. Three would be easier to keep track of, anyhow.

But just a suggestion!
Other than that, wonderful job, Dusky. This was a very powerful piece.

Wow Duskie, you are so talented! I really liked this peice, for a little while at the beginning i was competly lost but thats just because I had a late night last night.

Wow! Thats amazing! I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said.

Except this:

“Maybe she really does,” One says, glancing out my eyes and then moving father back into my head so that she can think without having to watch.


Shouldn't 'father' be 'farther'?



I can't wait to see your sequel!

Wow. Just--wow. Oh, Dusky, you are so talented! The turbulance of self-conflict was very well portrayed. At first I thought that she was going to be skitzophrenic (<spelling--awful, I know), but it wasn't at all.

I could tell a difference between the voices, especially One and Two: Reason and Anger. Three and Four were a little harder to differenciate, but I don't think it matters. I could tell that Three was the part of her that was still in love and hopeful, and Four was like nostalgia, bittersweet remembrance and longing.

Very emotional, and creative. I loved it!

~Jacquie~

Wow... I love it when people dig up old work... lol... Thanks for all the comments, guys...

Jennafina - there are two sequels up here on the YWS. They're called "Voices II" and "Voices III: the break-up". Go ahead and check them out.

Lol, oops, sorry. I feel evil now.

My favorite part was near the end, where her ex comes over and asks if she's okay. I also like the part where the people in Kate's head are all like, "She [the new girlfriend] just remembers what it feels like," or something along those lines.

I thought it was pretty well-written. What really made me happy was the lack of many spelling and grammar errors that I seem to see a lot in anything I read. I don't think I even saw any errors in the story. But then again, I didn't re-read every single sentence.

I liked that this showed how we argue with oursevles. It definitely reminded me of me...though I've never had a boyfriend to be bale to break up with or be dumped by. Good job!

“He’s so beautiful when he smiles…” Three continues. “Just look at him… please…”

Yes, I can totally relate to this. It was beautifully written and I love it.... this has to be the best thing I have ever read in a long while *wipes tear from eye*

*sniffles*
I NEED A HUG *sobs* This was really good!

The Black Rose wrote:Yes, I can totally relate to this. It was beautifully written and I love it.... this has to be the best thing I have ever read in a long while *wipes tear from eye*

*sniffles*
I NEED A HUG *sobs* This was really good!

thank you... *gives out hugs and necessary*

Thanks to all of you.

One says, glancing out my eyes and then moving father back into my head

further/farther

I think I may be alone in this, but the beginning with One is a little odd; I thought that perhaps First, Second and so on would be more appropriate. If only cos of the 'one says this, the other says that' type feel it gives initially.

That's really everything, I think, and again, some excellent writing Dusky. Very good character definition.

I actually understood this story. It was rather, nice. Good work...