Young Writers Society

He laid light kisses on her soft lips and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. He gently lowered her onto the bed, running his hands through her hair, kissing her neck. He reached down and started to undo her shirt, slowly, button by button, kissing her velvet lips again. He pulled his shirt and she tucked her face into his shoulder, stroking his back. He whispered to her, gently kissing his way around her body, her little gasps and moans falling on his soul like tears on a mirror.
“Don’t let me go,” She whispered, her eyes shut tight, her lips brushing his. “Never let me go.”

He pulled his shirt - Here I think you mean he pulled off his shirt.

Other than that, it was nice, it was romantic, it was a little unoriginal and it was short. I know it's just an extract but I would have liked some build up all the same. What you have here is pretty well written and I like it but I'd like to see more.

Is there any point to this?

You need to put more of it up - it just seems like a flash of what's going on. *shrugs* Could be just me.

Okay, this was a little disappointing. I think it would've helped a lot if we knew a little bit more about the characters. I understand that this is supposed to be a short piece, but it could still use at least some expanding. Introduce him and her a little more; tell us at least something more about them.

Also, and this might be a touchy subject, it was very erotic. It wasn't even very sensual. I know it isn't supposed to be, like, pr0n or anything, but it could still stand to be at least a little more sensual. We just got a laundry list of actions, but we didn't hear much about her reactions, or how it felt or if she liked it or if he liked it or anything like that. It doesn't have to be pr0n or even erotica, but something like this should at least be sensual.

Now to get back to the realm of something a little more appropriate, if you will. I think that the whole piece was very clichéd. The things he did, the things she did.
(I've also got a personal dislike of "velvety" lips. If my lips felt velvety, I'd be concerned.)*

I think this could have a lot of potential. Right now it feels more like a bare bones summary more than a real story.

edit: I just realized this, but the story is called "touch of angels" but there's no mention of or reference to the divine within the story itself. I think that if you're going to keep the title the way it is, you should add something to the story so that they fit better.

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*that being said, I've never kissed-kissed anyone, so maybe I don't know.

falling on his soul like tears on a mirror.

pretty words, but they don't make much sense. What are tears on a mirror like? Reflected, double, clear, not seen? And I don't know what that has to do with falling on souls...so...yeah. Pretty but useless....no offense.

There isn't anything else I can say that hasn't already been said, so...good writing, keep it up!

-JC

This is so short! Add some more to it, build it up. It is good, but it can be better. Of course, mine can be better too! Lol.

it's a little short. introduce your characters and strech it out.

I liked it. It was a little confusing, and some of the words didn't quite make sense. I thought it was really pretty and romantic, but i wish there had been more, so i could see what happened next, or see who the characters were. Please, write more. Without the beginning the story seems too confusing. But i liked it!

It went too fast without any real detail. If it weren't going so fast it would have been interesting but then it just ended. I'm thinking what? It sounds like it has potential. Keep writing.