Young Writers Society

He hoped she would come.
He was ready fo her. He could feel it, tonight was the night. She was his for a night, one magical night when they could be together.
He rubbed his hands together as he shuddered in pleasure at the thought of her. Her hair, soft and flowing, her eyes, warm and brown, her lips, oh her lips, so perfect, so full.

It was cold. He need warmth, he needed her.

And then she came.

Hey Kagi!

Wow, that was a very short story haha But I actually like it, it's nice and simple and that's a good thing it allows for us to really see the simplicity of the emotions. Perhaps though you could write it in first person and in the present tense because this would allow for the emotions to come through more strongly and also make them seem more real. Just a suggestion.

Also I would quite like to know a little bit more of what happened - what happened after she came?

Anyways, keep writing
Lydia

Before you read,
This is not my work. This is my little sister's, you see one day I forgot to logout as I often do. I came back online to find a message saying my storybook post had been moved to romantic short stories. I was like, WHUT? I never posted a storybook. Then I found out my sister had, you see I often forget to logout and my sister is forever watching me write and reply to comments on YWS. I guess, she saw her chance and grabbed it.

I'm surprised at how well she can write at twelve for the standard here. I didn't have the heart to delete so it's still here. Just letting y'all know this piece was not written by Kagi but by Kagi's little sister.




He hoped she would come.
He was ready fo her. He could feel it, tonight was the night. She was his for a night, one magical night when they could be together.
He rubbed his hands together as he shuddered in pleasure at the thought of her. Her hair, soft and flowing, her eyes, warm and brown, her lips, oh her lips, so perfect, so full.

It was cold. He need warmth, he needed her.

And then she came.

your sisters got some talent

She would thank you kidnly dear, if she were here.

i agree with Lydia

it's nice and simple and that's a good thing it allows for us to really see the simplicity of the emotions.

i will be frank to you kagi
i love your sister soooooooo much!!
i know she will be a great writer in the near future.

to kagi's sister
if you'll post again.. tell me ok?
haha

Oh my god your sister did this!! Its really good at 12 years old, she should make an account and join us!! She already has the talent and everything and I'd love to see more of her work. Tell her she did an awesome job and to keep on writting even if its for fun.

Good. Short, very short. But it was short sweet and to the point, which is always awesome.