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Dear Paper



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Tue May 31, 2011 3:00 am
Nike says...



Dear Paper,

Let me tell you something...

We're like paper, two pieces of paper, we need glue or tape to stick together. But sometimes that glue isn't there to save us from complete silence.

Here's the difference though: Yeah, we're all friends, but there's something more between us. It's weird, I can feel it. I can't even work up the courage to say, "Hi," to you.

A simple wave? It's out of the question.

My heart just pounds its way against my chest, trying to break out and leap into yours. I won't let it.

You want to know why? God, of course you do. Because I'm scared. I don't know what you'll do with it. Will you abandon it? Will you love it? I don't know.

But that's not my point. I just wanted to tell you Paper, that I'm the Paper too and I don't want Glue to be always sticking us together. I want us to be like Sticky Paper instead. To just stick, like Glue.

So next time we see each other, can we at least say "Hi,"? Or can we do something more? I just don't think my heart can handle the wait.

Sincerely,

Paper
Last edited by Nike on Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
“There is no need to call me Sir, Professor.”
  





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Tue May 31, 2011 3:33 am
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GryphonFledgling says...



D'awww, this was so cute. Awkward and sweet and incredibly nervous. I like.

tape/glue

Mm, I don't really like that slash in there. It just feels too, I dunno, technical or something for this piece. Besides, since you use glue exclusively as your example later on, why not just drop the tape reference period? I mean, we obviously know that tape can stick paper together too, but since you're using glue... just go with glue. We'll get it.

I can't even say "Hi," to you without chickening out.

Chickening out how? Like, not actually saying "hi"? Or not being able to say any more than "hi"? If it's the first, methinks that sentence could stand to be reworded a little. Something like "I can't even work up the courage to say "hi" to you."

If it's the second, then it needs to be worded a bit differently too. Perhaps, "I can't even say "hi" to you. I chicken out." Something like that? It'd just make it a little more clear which is which.

I want us to be like sticky paper instead.

Why is the "sticky paper" here not capitalized when ever other mention of "paper" is? It just seems like it'd be a bit more consistent, especially since it's still referring to the characters here, like a proper noun almost. You started it, so go ahead and keep it consistent.

I just don't like think my body can handle the wait.

Erm, I'm pretty sure this isn't what you're going for here, but honestly, this line read to me as if the character is jumping immediately from wanting to just have words to wanting to get waaaaaay more intimate really quickly. Probably not your intention, but that was the way it came across. Why exactly can't their body handle the wait? Are they just too nervous? In which case, there are better ways you could phrase this that wouldn't come across quite so sexually.

All in all, I liked this. It was short and simple and sweet. Very nice.

Feel free to drop me a line if you have any questions!

~GryphonFledgling
I am reminded of the babe by you.
  





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Tue May 31, 2011 4:14 am
spinelli says...



Aw, shucks, this is just like my life right now.

Basically, within a second I knew how adorable this was, and I loved it throughout. [I'm a real fan for that "tell it like it is, real-life" kind of talk that you have going on.] All I can mention is that last line, where I feel like you meant "think" instead of "like." But contrary to the above opinion, I didn't get the "sexual" vibe. I knew what you meant, but I think now that it's been brought up, you may want to change that.

But that's not my point. I just wanted to tell you Paper, that I'm the Paper too and I don't want Glue to be always sticking us together. I want us to be like sticky paper instead. Just stick, like Glue.



Where it says "Just stick, like Glue." Now this is entirely just a note, disregard it if you wish [obviously], but I feel like there needs to be just one more thing to connect this sentence with the one before it. If you're really persistent with the whole rhetorical fragment thing, maybe go for "To just stick, like Glue." Maybe. It's just me.

Overall, LOVE. It has real voice. And with a topic so real, it's good to have a voice that is so raw. Wonderful.
  





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Tue May 31, 2011 5:27 am
iampaulop says...



D'awww, this was so cute. Awkward and sweet and incredibly nervous. I like.

tape/glue

Mm, I don't really like that slash in there. It just feels too, I dunno, technical or something for this piece. Besides, since you use glue exclusively as your example later on, why not just drop the tape reference period? I mean, we obviously know that tape can stick paper together too, but since you're using glue... just go with glue. We'll get it.

I can't even say "Hi," to you without chickening out.

Chickening out how? Like, not actually saying "hi"? Or not being able to say any more than "hi"? If it's the first, methinks that sentence could stand to be reworded a little. Something like "I can't even work up the courage to say "hi" to you."

If it's the second, then it needs to be worded a bit differently too. Perhaps, "I can't even say "hi" to you. I chicken out." Something like that? It'd just make it a little more clear which is which.

I want us to be like sticky paper instead.

Why is the "sticky paper" here not capitalized when ever other mention of "paper" is? It just seems like it'd be a bit more consistent, especially since it's still referring to the characters here, like a proper noun almost. You started it, so go ahead and keep it consistent.

I just don't like think my body can handle the wait.

Erm, I'm pretty sure this isn't what you're going for here, but honestly, this line read to me as if the character is jumping immediately from wanting to just have words to wanting to get waaaaaay more intimate really quickly. Probably not your intention, but that was the way it came across. Why exactly can't their body handle the wait? Are they just too nervous? In which case, there are better ways you could phrase this that wouldn't come across quite so sexually.

All in all, I liked this. It was short and simple and sweet. Very nice.


I agree with all the reviews above... Nothing else to say.. Its just too short for a short story though.
And I underst the whole story, represented by 2 papers and glue :)
It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities

Paul Zione
  





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Tue May 31, 2011 5:55 am
Snoink says...



Hahaha! Awwww. This is a story of unrequited love, definitely! Poor paper... it's going to take more than glue to keep them together. I don't know about you, but when I pull out my glue stick, it's generally a weak job, at best. I should get better glue sticks!

Anyway, I can deeply relate to not wanting to be glued to someone and yet wanting us to be a part of each other's life, much like the paper! Of course, I was an idiot and decided that staples were the next big thing, but I think the paper's got it right... connecting with each other should be more about the adhesives that bind us together (such as interests, jobs, school, friends, whatever) and we should definitely connect at a much deeper level so our connections are as strong as any of these adhesives, or stronger still!

But... I don't think it's going to work for this particular guy...

Hopefully in his next life (when he gets recycled!) the paper will be reborn as a stack of post-it notes, never to be separated again! Er, except by that crazy writer who uses post-it notes to outline her plot scenes... and yes, I am horribly guilty of this travesty.

Nice, quirky piece! :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Mon Jun 27, 2011 12:57 am
ASH1397 says...



Hello there :)

I think this is really cute; paper sending a letter to paper, probably on paper, about loving another paper. Confusing, but cute :) This was well written and I don't have any nitpicks for this piece.

Good job, keep it up!

-Ash
And just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she turned into a beautiful butterfly.
  








Who overcomes by force, hath overcome but half his foe.
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