“I Trusted You…”
There was this guy… Yes, well, I s’pose that’s where it all really starts. He was quite a beautiful creature. Long dark hair and eyes that always seemed to be gazing off into nothing while he intently thought deep and profound things. He was a musician, and of course a very good one. A pianist I think. I had heard some of his music sometimes when passing his house and it always sounded wonderful. Dynamic and in a slightly minor key.
It goes without saying that I mentioned him a couple of times to my friends. Well, when I say a couple, I mean regularly… every week… day… on the hour… but you get the picture. Naturally, I’d expect my friends to know that I was telling them this in the strictest confidence and to breathe a word would mean a fate worse than death! Of course this meant every friends except Carrie.
It happened in Maths class. My mind was not on my work, but wondering to the dark haired, handsome figure in front of me. He was hunched, scribbling away in his jotter, his hair falling majestically in front of his face.
“Ashley, what’s the cubed route of one hundred and twenty five…?”
I was so utterly fascinated by him that my friend’s whisper failed to penetrate.
“Ashley? What are you staring at…?”
If I had answered fast enough, none of this might have started. It still haunts me. As it was, Carrie got in there before me.
“Oh, she’s staring at Sean there, her new boyfriend!” she said the last word especially slowly, drawing out my suffering. The boy in front of my stiffened, his pencil pausing on the paper. My cheeks flushed with colour and I hushed her desperately. But it was far too late to stop her words carrying to the other girls around us.
“Who?”
“Sean!? Surely not!”
“Is he really your boyfriend?”
“Has he kissed you yet!?”
Ashamed, I hung my head in my hands, hiding my red cheeks. It didn’t even matter that the girls had heard her. As soon as a bit of juicier gossip was detected they’d swarm around it like flies, completely forgetting this. But the fact that he’d heard it… that he knew. It eliminated any possible relationship between us, at least anything deeper than a polite acquaintance. Carrie was going to pay!
I raised my head, glancing briefly at Sean before rounding on Carrie. He was still frozen and his ears had turned scarlet. Thinking fast, I hissed loud enough so the whole class could hear, “Wasn’t that Carrie and Benny I saw at the cinema, near the back row yesterday…?”
The look on Carrie’s face was classic! Total shock and incomprehension as if she hadn’t really understood what had happened. Benny, a mousy haired boy near the back of the class lifted his too-large nose to stare at me, his own blush creeping sneakily up his neck.
***
Okay… so that wasn’t the bravest, noblest thing in the world to do. In fact, I am horribly aware it was probably the most evil, underhanded thing I could have done in that situation. And it came back to me, tenfold. While only a few people sniggered behind their hands whenever I passed in the corridor and boys wolf whistled when I so much looked at Sean, the majority of snide comments and cruel remarks were directed at Carrie. All of a sudden she was quite, reserved and withdrawn. But it was the looks that she threw me whenever we came in contact.
I could have dealt with anger, even hatred on her part. I deserved it after all. But no matter how many times I received it, I was never prepared for the look of terrible hurt and despair on her face when we came eye to eye. I always had to look away guiltily, pretending not to have seen it. I would have to make it up to her sometime. And I knew how… but it would include a great sacrifice on my part.
***
However much she giggled and sneered whenever I went on about Sean, I knew that deep down, she adored him almost as much as I did. Maybe more! It took incredible strength to stride up to him one lunchtime when I saw him alone, reading in a corner of the canteen. He looked up at my approach, skilfully ignoring a hoot from a group of boys who had seen me walk towards him.
“Sean…” I began, not sure how to phrase this. I could barely look at him. So instead I spoke to my feet. “You know my friend Carrie…?”
He nodded, curious.
“She wants me to tell you she’ll be going to the cinema on Saturday. But she has no one to go with… and was wondering…” I felt like this was actually causing physical pain to say this aloud. In my head it was so simple. But here and now, it was awful. Inside there was still a small… well, okay, a very large part of me begging him to refuse. Luckily, I didn’t have to finish the sentence. He beat me to the punch.
“Why don’t you go with her…?”
“I’m…” I struggled to find a suitable excuse. “…Busy”
He closed the book and thought a while. I pleading with him silently. Please say no, please, please, please!
He nodded, and I had trouble stopping myself groaning aloud.
“What time? What cinema?”
It was far too late to back out now, so I told him the details and hurried off before I lost all nerve and fainted. With a cold, empty feeling in my stomach, I went to tell Carrie the good news.
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