Young Writers Society

You are my raincoat love caffeine. You harbour me, and coddle me, and feed me a sugarline that keeps me awake, consciousness of my surroundings. And we like Leda and Pollux, the twins of the stars, gather each other in grasps of flesh, so alike yet so unlike each other it drives us insane at times. People think in images, concrete, visible things, not so with us. Just a shimmer of remembrance that once floated in the imagination sets our souls alight with knowledge. Knowledge of each other, even though the veil between us, though thin is still there. There keeping us far enough apart that people can’t see our bondage unless their faces upturned are to the stars. For in the stars is our fortune, our own commodity of happiness. For there in those sparkling spots in the dark oblivion of space hold our history for all to see if they really look. Our love, yes our love, it’s a part of our history as much as anything. Or I’d like to think so. Many think it’s wrong to love, more to lust after someone so like you, but the face that we complete each other gives us the chance to prove them wrong. That this seduction into paradise is the most natural thing in the world, not something black and filled with tar. (Which they’d like you to think it is). And you are always there my raincoat love caffeine. A Galahad, a Romeo of sorts leading me blindfolded into a Zionistic heaven, so like the blue raincoat I imagine you wear when the weather’s gone soft.

This was really interesting, CL. It reflected your poetry greatly, but still was something of it's own.

The title was interesting, as well. It made a little more since after I read the piece.

But, this was a really thought provoking piece, and I enjoyed it very much. Nice job.

This was more like a poem than fiction. It was lovely, though. Good job. The only thing is that I would like a little more development of characters and plot. I realize completely that that is beyond the point of the story, but personally, as I'm a horrible poet and don't understand it that well, I would like to see this as a fictional piece. I love to read fiction that's written poetically.

So...good job, as a piece in itself. But I would personally would have liked more to read. And a little more coherence. (Again, I realize that this is a poetic piece of prose and coherence is beyond it, but still...)

And I love the title, only it needs to be capitalized.

-Sarah

You've got some unique ideas and interesting images. But for all that, it felt very bland and the emotions didn't seem real to me.