Young Writers Society

Oh, finally! He straightens and begins to enter, first touching the lips with his head, and then soon entering into the lovely birth. A sheath for a sword.

nice way to put it.

Haha, so now you're a girl in the story? make up your mind already !!!
Anyway yeah, i guess it was good, but apparently I am the only sick pervert commenting on them:P
you're welcome.

edit:

WHY ARE YOU SWITCHING CHARACTERS??????????????

Also, how many glasses of alcohol has she had? She would be barely able to move, for heaven's sake! Girls get much more intoxicated than men, and three drinks would be too much. Besides, if he is drinking with her, his sexual desire will go up, but he might not be able to erect! Alcohol depresses you (physically) and even Shakespeare noted that alcohol dampens the spirits:

"[Drink] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance...it makes him and it mars him; it sets him on and it takes him off; it persuades him and disheartens him; makes him stand to and not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep and, giving him the lie, leaves him."

Want more?

Brewer's droop, as the phenomenon is known, happens because alcohol not only reduces the testosterone available for an erection, but also interferes with the nerve impulses that make it happen. In an erection, impulses from the brain and local nerves cause tiny muscles in the penis to relax, allowing blood to flow rapidly into two chambers running the length of the penis, so making it expand. "Alcohol acts directly on the nervous system," says David Schwartz, an adviser for the Impotence World Association. "Acute high levels can decrease conduction in the nerves required for erection. This is reversible and lasts only when blood [alcohol] levels are high."

Still more? http://www.the-council.neoburn.net/snoi ... lcohol.php

So. Here she is, getting hot sex by a man who has just had a bunch to drink. Ha. Oh, and she's had a couple of drinks to. Let me count! Four drinks. Eep. If she is thin (I'm guessing she is) she will be rather bombed. Or... and this would make the story make a little more sense... her sex hormones are going completely wild and she wants more. And then the question comes up... how is he going to please her?

But, still! Very sensual. Doesn't make sense, but it's sensual.

Not bad. I'm definitely happy I read this one at home and not the library. Tee hee.

Anyway, I liked it. Once again, you handled the material very well when it could have easily been done wrong.

The pace was pretty good, though it could have been better in the bar scene. The only real problem is the dialogue. There's really no other way to put it other than it was wooden.

Um... Well written. But I do recall that this site is called the YOUNG Writers Society

Too much dialogue, not enough description. The pace is okay with the dialogue, but there simply isn't enough Other.

they did warn you it was extremelly graphic and to read at your own risk..overall it was a pretty good story.