Young Writers Society

[size=18] The Decision[/size]


Sarah placed the phone on the receiver gently and felt a giggle rise up within her. She had to squeeze her hands to her sides to prevent herself from jumping up and down on the spot. She had just spent the last ten (glorious) minutes on the phone to none other than Alex Davids, the undeniable “hunk” from year twelve. And not only that but she had agreed to go to the cinema with him on Saturday night. Her glee was evident, a radiant smile beaming across her face, like a lightening bolt from above. Her heart throbbed painfully fast in her chest as she tried (unsuccessfully) to compose herself.

It was lust at first sight. Even Sarah had to admit that. But one glimpse of Alex and how could it be anything else. Tall with baby blue eyes, muscles like mountains and a mane of strawberry blond hair he seemed to be Gods gift to womankind. His extensive line of past-girlfriends could have astonished even the publisher of the Guinness Book of Records but this didn’t bother Sarah. He was going to be her boyfriend now. Even the thought of his immaculate face sent a torrent of shivers down her spine and left her feeling weak at the knees.

But within a moment Sarah’s mind began to race frantically. What if he was just using her as something to use in between “real” girlfriends. She admitted she was no great beauty. Her long coffee-coloured hair fell to her waist, framing her blue-eyed, slightly freckled face and her tall-ish, skinny figure left a lot to be desired. What could a guy like Alex want with her? Indeed she was different from the long-legged, brown-eyed beauties that were his usual girlfriends. She tried to dispel these thoughts from her mind but still they kept returning, haunting her. Finally she decided. If Alex really wanted her as his girlfriend he would have to work to get her.

Great quick story. Everything flows together nicely and it conveys a lot of information in a tight space. The only part that seemed weird was with the last two sentences; it read like they should be joined together rather than seperate.

I like it! Hey you're new...sorry i haven't welcomed you yet. Welcome! Anyways, like nate said it's short but good. I hope there will be more to read. Great job and keep up the good work.

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Welcome! Yes, great start. It pulled me right in. I love your physical description of the characters. I always suck at that part. Just in general I think your descriptions are very good.

It sounds like a great story. When will there be more?

I liked this -- but I don't know if this is a stylistic thing or what but sometimes it's better to use commas instead of parentheses, especially when you're doing it more than once. At least, it makes me read things more smoothly instead of parentheses interrupting with comment from the writer.

But, I definitely felt her excitement, even if the guy wasn't my type by description! :]

I thought it was really good.

It really grabbed my attention.

And I wanted to know what happens. "Do they become united"?, "Is he playin her"?

When are you goin to put the finnish on this story?

Let me know, ok.