Alrighty! This is the second time I post this piece from my novel, but I do hope that the editing helped it become better. Here, Julius felt guilty and apologized, instead of bombarding Rory with rude remarks before leaving. Like I said in the last version, I'm sorry if you don't really understand what's going on. I only publish excerpts that are tricky and I do it occasionally.
Thanks for reading! And if you'll review, then thanks for reviewing!
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In one dizzying instant, I brought myself to my feet. Finally, I admitted to myself that there was no better decision than the one in hand- my sweating hands. To find Selim, I would roam the streets without a known destination, for that was the only solution I could procure with my now blank mind. And so, that was all I would do until daybreak.
“Excuse me,” came a girl's voice from behind me, before I could walk to the door.
“What?” I bit off and spun swiftly to look at her with sudden, but deep, annoyance. I that only showed as resentment through my furious expressions.
With two piercing brown eyes, she shot me a look of disgust that was almost as sharp as an arrow. Her black hair was lined with long pink streaks, one of which she had a sort of pleasure rolling it around her finger in slow and boring moves.
"Well?" I urged in a long rhythm.
Her lips twitched like a piece of wrinkled paper. “Nothing. Go, go,” she said and waved her hand as though gesturing me to leave. “Talk about a snob,” she added.
Neither did I have time nor effort to spend generously and spit a rude retort to her. Instead, I whirled around rapidly towards the door, only to find another girl in my face.
Unfortunately, before I could pace away, I recognized her. And how shameful it was to see that petite girl with those big amber eyes. They stared up at me as though I just stabbed her heart with a rusted blade, even though my blade still settled in my pocket.
“You,” I voiced in distaste. “You‛re everywhere.”
If only I could see Selim as much as I saw her, my life would have been much less complicated.
“Excuse me?” Aurora asked innocently, only causing me to roll my eyes and leave. “No, wait,” she stopped me.
“What, puppy face?” She flinched, when I said that. “I don’t have time for you.”
“Hey, hey! Cut her a slack, would ya?” the pink girl defended loudly. When I looked at her, she turned her attention to Aurora and said, "Aurora, come sit. There is no use of talking to a person like that.”
“Thank you!” I addressed Aurora's friend and started walking away again, only to have my rapid paces interrupted one more time.
“No, wait!” Aurora called again.
“Oh, for the love of God!” I called out, truly with her useless and repetitive disturbance.
“Really? Really?” she asked again, and again. Her head cocked forward and her contorted face looked rather funny than angry.
I merely looked back at her silently, my arms crossed against my chest in true boredom with the drama episode that was to come. Selim certainly had to wait because a feeble show of tragedy was about to go on air.
“Really, for the love of God? What God do you think allows you to treat me like this?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips defensively, but dropped them a second later.
“Yea, yea. We’ll continue this tomo—“
“No, we do this now,” she said and licked her lips repeatedly before she finally started. “The only thing I did was offer you coffee and treat you with nothing but respect, but you called me a servant and insulted me in so many ways.”
"You summarize it rather well," I teased, a smile of sarcasm rising on my lips.
“You insensitive freak!" the pink girl accused from behind me.
"Mimi, please! I can… handle this,” she said hesitantly then turned to face me again “Look, Julius. I mean, Mr. Julius. I honestly never say this, but… please whether treat me nicely or never d…deal with me at all. I… I…” she paused and brought her fingers to her head to scratch it lightly. "I don't remember ever doing anything to deserve this."
Never had her eyes parted from the ground she stared at while she spoke. It was as though there was an unbreakable string that banned her from looking up at me. I couldn’t clearly determine whether she was intimidated by me, or simply unsure about the decision of confronting me. It was obviously a very major decision for her, which was one I only saw taking place in failing movies.
She was keeping me from leaving that place. I was very aware how unlikely it was to finally find Selim, but she was doing a profound job in stealing my chances to merely look for him. And that certainly infuriated me, even if she was unwillingly doing it.
“Is it that you dislike me or something, or that’s how you communicate with…”
She babbled a few more words and accusations that I couldn’t remember the next second. Being so tremendously caught up with her speech, she didn't seem to notice the attention she gained from the customers surrounding us.
I could see their interest from the corner of my eyes, straining to hear what Aurora was saying. They were probably trying to understand what we were arguing about- what she was arguing about.
“Terrible speech. You’re not a good writer, are you?” I asked once she finished talking.
Voluntarily- I wouldn’t deny it- I spat rude comments in her direction. It was a few seconds after she demanded a legitimate right- to be treated nicely- but it was very simple. Just as much as she was uncomfortable with my rigidness, I was deeply annoyed with her kindness.
A poor replica of kindness, was it not?
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, her voice low as though she was exhausted by the short lecture she just declared. “I’m tired of this,” she whispered and took a deep breath. “I don’t understand why someone would treat me like this.”
"I'm allowed to flee from you now?" I asked, even though I was very aware of my indecency with her.
Mimi volunteered, "told ya. He's no use to talk to.”
But Aurora voiced no more words in response to that comment. She stared up at me in horrified surprise. In her eyes, it was apparent how frustrated she was to see that her words made no change in my manners.
I would have showed some sympathy- and I truly wasn’t that proud of my ill manners- but I wanted to punish her for the delay she had caused me.
Despite the shock that obviously overwhelmed her, she parted her lips to speak again. “Mr. Julius, I don't think you… understand what you're hearing," she whispered and brought her hand to press it against her chest. "I don't have anything but my integrity. Nothing.” Her voice changed from the calm tone of reason to a slow plead of justice, “please, please, at least let me keep it."
She whispered those words as though they were a secret. Her eyes refused to leave mine, beseeching me to comprehend her feelings.
Integrity? Was it that vicious, the way I treated her? I just called her names, it shouldn't be that serious.
"But everyday, you nip at my dignity more than the day before. I.. I'm scared you might do that until I have none left," she said and her eyebrows pouted, her face blushed to a dark red. "I won't have anything.. Anything to own. I'm not that smart and I don't have the money you possess, but I do have some honor somewhere..." she paused and tapped her chest, "in me."
I tutted and looked elsewhere, my eyes wondered to one of the tables around us. My ego wasn’t as extravagant after I heard those last few sentences.
"Aurora--"
"Mr. Julius,” she interrupted breathlessly. “I want to say everything on my mind so I wouldn't hate myself for letting you underestimate me like this," she said and dropped her head again, gazing down at her entwined hands.
A long pause ruled over a few more moments, as though she was revising what she ought to say next.
I truly had no idea that my attitude around had affected her so deeply. Somehow she connected my bad manners to her integrity. It was a terrible connection that stung the few ethics I barely owned. It was as though my rigidness lessened her chastity, was that what she meant?
“I... I'm sorry, I think that was all I wanted to tell you, Mr. Julius." She cleared her throat and said, "I had to say all this before I’d go mad thinking about it. I’m sorry I wasted your time, you can go,” she said and moved weakly to sit at her table.
She blinked repeatedly and her lips sealed into a tight line, as though fighting a pressing urge to cry. I watched her while tears divorced her eyes and found their way down her blushed cheeks nevertheless.
“I’m sorry,” I finally muttered.
She looked at me abruptly, once I voiced that word, her eyes wide in what I was sure was disbelief. Her head tilted while she examined the look on my face, as though making sure I wasn't joking. Well, Only god knows how apologies are never uttered as jokes by me.
Her voice shook along with her pale lips when she spoke. "Really?"
I nodded and breathed in slowly. "I apologize for the way I've treated you. I did not know it affected you like that," I said, my apology sounded very alien to my own ears, but it also sounded sincere. "I had a few things on my mind lately and I wasn't quite able to think straight." My eyebrows creased, an immense difficulty facing me to repeat that word, “I’m truly sorry.”
"Well, what d'ya know?" Mimi exclaimed. "He can be polite!"
After long moments of bewilderment that left Aurora stiff in her chair, she blinked as if she suddenly understood my apology.
“Are you serious? You’re not… mocking me?” she asked.
“I’m not," I promised.
Slowly, very slowly, she nodded before a shaking smile stretched her lips. Her satisfaction was very apparent in her expressions that gradually brightened with pride… or maybe it was joy.
I wasn't at all used to voicing an apology like that to anyone, and so I didn't know what I was to do next. Simply leave and let her adjust to her surprise? Or make sure my apology was accepted?
Eventually, I managed to voice a few decent words.
"I need to go," I said. "I think I'll.. see you tomorrow."
And with that, I departed the place that forced the most unusual feelings into my chest.
Shame.
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