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Tears of a Fairy



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Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:47 am
ZannaShepherd says...



Tears of a Fairy



I ran, I ran from it all. The shame the sorrow, and the never ending torment. The only thing that seemed to be on my side was the night. Dark clouds covered the stars, beautiful darkness hiding my imperfections and tears.

Entering the forest I refused to slow my mad dash, intent on leaving my disgrace and betrayal behind. The snake like fingers of the trees grabbed at me, tearing at my fancy attire and fragile wings, but I didn’t care. Let them have the dress for all it’s worth, it had only brought me pain and sorrow.

At last exhausted from my ceaseless running, I came to rest with my back to the trunk of a large oak, trembling like a scared child, and looking even worse than when I started. Sinking to the ground I let my misery fill up inside of me and spill over. Closing my eyes I let the tears flow freely, and painfully let my mind wander back to where it all started.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________


It was nearing Fall, and the whole town was a bustle with the spirit of the Autumn festival. It was all any of the fairies ever talked about and it drove me crazy. Every year it was the same; the merchants would stock up on goods for the Autumn festival and then Fairies would come from near and far to buy the latest and greatest ‘things’ so they wouldn’t be out done by their friends and neighbors. And guess who was in the middle of it all, cleaning up the messes people left, and making sure the market was presentable for the next morning after everyone left? Yep, me. All people would ever say to me when they happen to realize I was standing there, or have no one else to gab to was;

“Oh Harmony, how lovely to see you, what a shame I won’t see you at the ball.” or “Pity you weren’t born prettier, you would have loved the beautiful gowns at the ball.” or some other remark along that line.

You’d think that after 18 years I would have gotten used to it by now, but it never stopped hurting, the way people talked to me pityingly, or the sympathetic glances they gave me when they thought I wasn’t looking. That all hurt bad enough, but the real pain was looking up at the glowing castle on Autumn’s eve, knowing I would never take part in the fancy partying, or the majestic ceremonies that were held afterwards, welcoming the new season.

You probably think I committed some awful crime or something, to not be able to go to the ball, but it’s not like that. The only crime I ever committed was being born, and the only thing keeping me from going to the festival, was really just myself. If I didn’t listen to anyone else, and didn’t care about how I looked, I could have gone, but as it is, I did care, and I didn’t want to make an even bigger fool of myself.

Now as I’m sure you’ve realized, I’ve been avoiding the subject, but the hard truth is that supposedly I’m just plain ugly, and in my world that’s a curse, and a sin. Quite frankly I don’t think my looks are all that bad, but that is not for me to decide.

I have long brown hair, (now what’s wrong with that you might ask) well first of all it’s the plainest color in the entire world, second of all it has absolutely no volume. Instead of having marble white skin like all of the other ‘normal’ fairies, my skin is a nice healthy shade of pink. Then there’s the issue of my hands, they’re worn out, and I have calluses on them from the amount of work I do with them. Lastly is the long scar that runs down the left side of my face, from the corner of my eye, to my cheek bone. I received it at the age of 6, after being forced to climb a tree by the neighborhood bullies and disturbing a protective mother griffin.

Other then that I’m just your typical Fairy. I’m tall, thin boned, and have thin, elegant, gossamer like wings protruding from my shoulder blades.

If only I hadn’t been born in such a vain, pompous world, where looks were half of who you are, then maybe I could have been just another Fairy, preparing myself for the Autumn festival.

It had been like this for the last week, and at the start of the festive season, the Market manager, (my boss) hired a new crew to help organize decorations and help keep things running smoothly. There were two girls around my own age at first and a young man who was a little older than me, hired on late.

The two girls, Ally and Cleo were just as bad as everyone else in the market, and half the time weren’t even doing their jobs, as they took time to admire all of the pretty things and catch up on the local gossip.

The boy on the other hand, seemed to be oblivious to the merry making around him. He devoted himself to his job, and that was it. I learned from Ally that his name was Shane, and he’d just moved here to find a job after his whole family died from an incurable disease. He was the only one in his family to be immune to it.

I couldn’t help feeling sorry for him and so being the kind hearted person I am, I decided to at least offer him my friendship. This was my first big mistake.

It was at the end of the day and Alley and Cleo had gone home. Shane was putting away and locking up the supplies and I was finishing cleaning up everything. Looking over at Shane I realized it was now or never. Waiting for him to finish locking up the last door, I felt reasonably stupid. After he was finished, he turned as if to go and noticed for the first time that I was standing behind him. He seemed at first a bit surprised that I was there, but deciding I wasn’t very threatening he turned to face me.

This was the first time I’d taken a good look at him as it was his first day of work, and we’d been even busier then usual, today. What I saw surprised me. He had dark blue eyes, and pale features, looking into his eyes I could faintly discern the sorrow etched there, and a cold shiver ran through me. The most surprising thing though was his hair, it was a pale blonde color, but the color wasn’t the shocking thing, it was its length. His hair was clasped in a tight ponytail, and fell to past his lower back. . I’d only ever heard of men who were royalty growing their hair long, I’d never seen common men with long hair.

Realizing I was staring at him, I lowered my gaze.
“Hi. . . my name is Harmony, I just thought I’d introduce myself.”

Looking up, I saw a hint of a smile in his eyes. Dipping his head in acknowledgment he replied.

“It’s nice to meet you, Harmony. I’m Shane.” I was surprised by his voice, it was very gentle, a slight accent to it that I’d never heard before.

Feeling the silence stretch on, I figured it was time for me to leave, I’d broken the ice and would leave the rest in the hands of destiny.

“Well it was nice to meet you.” I answered, hoping he’d take the hint that I needed to leave.

“Yes, I’m glad to have met you, too. I’d best be on my way though, wouldn’t want to be late getting home.”

Turning in opposite directions, I made my way slowly back to my apartment. I felt light headed, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t push his image out of my mind.



The next three weeks seemed to pass in a blur, and as the days went by our friendship blossomed. It started out innocent enough, we visit during breaks at work and mainly talked about anything that came to mind.

At first it felt strange to me, having someone treat me like I was normal and not like an invalid, but I rather enjoyed it. I felt like I could be myself in his company.

As the second week came to an end, I made my next mistake. Shane asked if I knew of any good places to eat out, as he was new here and still hadn’t gotten a real feel for the town. I, unaware of the trap being laid, agreed to show him a nice little place on the edge of town. Once there, he invited me to eat dinner with him, which I did reluctantly after some persuasion.

That night after he walked me home, I sat on my bed for at least an hour, trying to sort out my feelings for Shane. In the end the only thing I decided on was that no matter how much I liked him, I must restrain from falling in love with him. It would only bring me pain and sorrow when he fell in love with some other beautiful fairy.

Later in the week, I asked Shane where he was staying. He seemed a little uneasy about this subject, and asked me to please understand but he couldn’t tell me right now. I thought this strange, but hadn’t questioned him further, (another mistake).

It was during the final third week, that I found out his true identity. It was midday, and the crowds in the market had thinned down. Shane and I were eating our lunch in the shade of an old apple tree. We were looking up at the clouds, pointing out different shapes, when a patrol from the kings army came barging through the market.

I was sure they were just going to pass through, but when they reached the middle of the market, they halted. From the mists of the patrol emerged a beautiful Fairy. She had light blue hair and matching eyes and wings. Her gown was covered in jewels and she wore a fine crystal head piece, thus betraying she was in fact the Princess of the kingdom, Princess Brooke.

I stared in disbelief as she looked around the market, clear disdain etched across her face, and headed straight for the place where Shane and I were sitting.

Shane seemed miffed, and got up to meet the Princess. I was surprised greatly when he didn’t bow to her. She stop a few feet away from him and crossed her arms.

“Well, would you care to explain your absence from my party this morning?” She spit, glowering at him.

Shane answered in an even tone, “ I told you I had work to do and that I’d rather not go.”

A red hue entered Brooke’s cheeks.“What kind of prince mingles with commoners?” she taunted, looking disgustedly down at me, as I sat thunderstruck with this turn of events; Shane was a prince?

“I happen to like be amongst people who aren’t waited on hand on foot, and who actually work for what they earn.” Shane replied coldly.

Turning sharply, the Princess stalked off, calling back over her shoulder, “You’re to come to the castle at once, my father wants a word with you.” After that, she and her escorts left, leaving a much quieter market.

Turning back to me, Shane had an apologetic look on his face. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t want you to treat me differently just because I’m a Prince.”

I didn’t reply, so Shane sat back down next to me.

“The truth is, I’m Prince of the Kingdom just south of this one, Chianti, and as I’m sure you’ve heard, all of my family has just recently died. I came to this Kingdom, at the desire of the King, who wished that I marry his daughter and thus unite our two kingdoms. The few weeks I’ve been here I have found the princess to be a spoiled brat, with no true feelings for anyone but herself. Her father, as a just ruler as he is, sadly has no control over her.” Finishing his explanation, he waited for my reaction.

Thinking things over in my mind I finally gave him my answer.
“It’s fine, you really don’t have to explain yourself to me, you had your reasons and I’m glad we got to spend this time, however short it was, together.”

“What do you mean, Harmony? Things don’t have to change, we can stay the way we are.” Shane pleaded.

I turned away from him, this hurt more than I expected it to.
“You’re joking right? A Prince spending time with me, the ugliest girl in the whole kingdom? Yeah right.”

Getting up I started to run, I couldn’t face the humiliation. How had I let myself get so attached to him? Turning down an alleyway, I felt his hand grab my wrist jarring me to a halt. I tried to pull away but he was stronger than me.

“Harmony, just please hear me out ok?” I’d gotten so used to his gentle voice, it felt all wrong to know that I was defying it.

Reluctantly, I turned to face him, (big mistake!). His deep blue eyes held me paralyzed, and I felt like I couldn’t move.

“Harmony, no matter what anyone tells you, you’re not ugly. You may be plain, but your pure soul makes you the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

No one had ever told me I was beautiful, and staring into Shane’s eyes, and hearing those words spoken in his wonderful voice, I just cracked.

Dropping my head I felt hot tears stream down my cheeks, and in the next instant Shane puled me into his arms.

“Please Harmony, don’t make me live without you, I couldn’t bear losing my first and only real friend.” I could hear the longing in his voice, and it matched perfectly the feelings in my own heart.

Slowly returning the embrace, I wished I could stay in that moment forever. But like everything must, it came to an end. Releasing his hold on me Shane took a step back.

“I have to return to the castle now, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you again.”
I nodded to acknowledge that I heard.

“I might not be able to get away from the castle before Autumn’s Eve. If so, I want you to meet me at the rivers edge, under the bridge the night before the festival starts, ok?”

I agreed, and then he left. As I watched him go, my heart was breaking yet rejoicing at the same time that in the vast world there was one soul that truly loved me.

The three days until the festival seemed liked they would never end. I went through the days as if wading through quicksand. Shane never left my mind, and I longed for the moment when we would be reunited.

At last the evening of the Autumn Festival arrived, and of course I was terribly nervous. Even though I wasn’t going to be in the castle, I would be near it and if I wasn’t careful people would see me, and that would be an absolute disaster.

My stomach, filling with butterflies as I neared the river, protested that they be let out. Several times I nearly turned around and fled, but the need to be with Shane again kept my feet pointed in the right direction. Heart thumping loudly, I finally made it, hiding myself under the bridge.

The sun had not yet set, and there was still the faint feeling of summer lingering in the breeze. As I waited for Shane, I slowly made my way to the edge of the river, the refreshing water beckoning to me. Cautiously I kneeled on the bank. Looking into the rippling water I could see my reflection like a painting on the water. Almost magically, Shane’s reflection appeared next to mine.

Looking up, I smiled, as I got first my sight of him dressed in royal attire. It complemented him nicely. I rose to embrace him, and we stood together for several minutes. No words were spoken, we just reveled that we were together again, where we rightfully belonged.

At last we separated. I knew we could only be together for a short while, but I was reluctant to leave.

Then Shane spoke, “Harmony, I want you to come with me to the Festival. I want you to be with me on this special night. We’ll welcome the new Autumn together, we can. . .”

“No.” I whispered, interrupting his fantasy. “I can’t go, I’m so sorry but I just can’t.” I could feel my tears trying to break lose, but I contained them with all my might, I could not ruin this night with tears.

“Why not? You can pretend that it’s just the two of us, nothing else in the world matters but us.” Shane pleaded.
“Besides, no one will know it’s you, but me. I knew you would refuse to go as your self, so for your comfort, I brought you a gown to wear, with a mask, and vale.”

Gazing into his eyes, I realized I would do anything he wanted me to, so long as we were together.
“Ok, I guess I’ll do it.” I told him.

Shane then retrieved the garments he’d brought, and presented them to me. The gown was an amazing work of art. A creamy silvery color, with an fancy design of golden patterns.

After I changed into the dress, Shane placed a beautiful mask over my face. It was covered in fine jewels, and made with intricate craftsmanship.

Next, Shane offered me a silver head circlet. It had a beautiful purple stone cascading off of the main ring, that set perfectly against my forehead.

After I finished situating everything, Shane attached a large silky vale to my mask and threw it over my hair. Finishing it all with a pair of silk gloves and a delicate silver bracelet.

By the time I was finished the sun had set and it was too dark to see my reflection in the river.

Shane then took my hand, and lead me back up the bank and onto the well lit path, which was crowded with Fairies. Feeling boxed in, with no place to hide, my nervousness grew continually as we neared the castle.

Every step I took I feared someone would recognize me and my magical night would be brought to an abrupt halt. But nothing of the sort happened, in fact no one even gave us a second glance. This surprised me, as I was sure everyone would be curios about the foreign Prince and his mysterious companion. Shane enlightened me when I asked, telling me that only a select few knew of his presence, and as I mistaken earlier, most everyone, thought he was just the sole survivor of a tragic accident.

As we entered the castle, I caught my reflection in a nearby fountain as we passed by it. I was amazed at the transformation that had occurred. I was no longer Harmony the misfit, but I’d become, Harmony the Princess, Shane’s Princess.

Eloquently we ascended the castles beautiful marble staircase. My heart was beating so loud I was sure everyone around me could hear it. As if sensing my unease and nervousness, Shane pulled me closer to his side, his hand gentle in mine.

The beauty of the castle was breathtaking. The ceilings arched up to the heavens, painted intricately to resemble the night sky. Losing myself in the moment, I was able to forget all of my worries and just be with Shane. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect night. If only I knew how wrong I was.

We spent the first hour dancing without a thought for the thousands of other fairies swirling around us. Lost in perpetual bliss, in a world of our own. Afterwards, the feasts started and everyone sat down to dine. I ate very little, as I was too engrossed in what Shane had to say, but the little that I did eat was amazing.

Then it was time for the festival to start. The magic time where the Kings magicians changed summer into fall. I had never seen it before and I was excited to be able to witness such an act. But alas it was my fate to never see this magical season change. Before the festival could take place the King declared his daughter had an announcement to make.

Beside me I felt Shane grow uneasy, and it seeped into me like a plague. Princess Brooke silently flowed to the center of the stage, in all her splendor and beauty, in an elegant, blue feather covered gown. I rather thought she looked like an over stuffed peacock, and I really couldn’t see how she could move in all that jewelry, it must’ve weighed a ton.

“Citizens of my noble kingdom,” Brooke stated, with a flare of her hands and the feathers that enveloped them.
“I am pleased to come before you tonight with the most wonderful of news.”

Shane stiffened beside me, and I held my breath for her next remark.

“I have chosen a suitor, and will wed within the year.” A practiced cheer arose from the crowd, loud and nerve racking. I watched in a daze as her gaze raked the crowd.

“With great pleasure I would like to introduce, Shane, Prince of the kingdom of Chianti.” My heart stopped as with an elegant sweep of her arm, her piecing eyes along with the several thousands of guests came to rest dead center on Shane, and unfortunately me.

Shane took immediate action, moving to step in front of me, he gave me a meager barrier to hide behind. Facing the Princess, Shane spoke in a relatively quiet, but dead serious voice that could be heard throughout the whole room, as the audience became the quiet calm before the storm.

“I am Shane, Prince of the kingdom of Chianti, but it is my duty to tell you that I will not (he put great emphasis on this word) be marrying the Princess Brooke.”

A large gasp arose from the audience and Princess. The louder being Brooke, who let out an outraged, strangled scream.

“How dare you defy me! You mock me in front of my own courts and make me look like a fool, for what?” Brooke challenged.

“For true love, something you could never relate to.” Shane replied with a voice of steel, ever his calm perfect self.

“True love? Ha, with what, a witch who’s put you under her spell? What other woman in this valley could compare to my beauty?” Brooke laughed, and slowly she made her way off of the stage and through the crowd, which easily parted for her.

“Your outward beauty may surpass many, but you’re as black and ugly as the Kaftan swamp inside, where it really matters.” Shane countered.

“Well then, let’s see this so called ‘true love’ of yours, shall we?” Brooke asked, coming to a graceful stop a few feet in front of Shane.

I stiffened, there was no way this could be happening. Everything had been going so well. Why, oh why did she have to come along and ruin everything?

“Well?” Brooke prodded smugly.

Shane didn’t move, just gazed back at her in defiance.

“Hm, what’s the matter boy? Scared? Afraid the people won’t be happy with your choice, or she’ll be rejected?” Brooke goaded.

“You have nothing against her, your quarrel is with me.” Shane stated abruptly, keeping himself between me and Brooke.

“Oh come now, let’s not be like this, she should be overjoyed that she got a Prince to do her every whim. We’re all dreadfully curious, you can’t possibly not introduce her now.” Brooke purred with satisfaction, seeing Shane was becoming uncomfortable.

Shane stayed silent, the only barrier I had between utter embarrassment. I gripped his arm tightly, there was no way this could end well.

“No?” Brooke asked in mock amazement. “Well, we’ll just have to do something about that then won’t we?” raising her hand, Brooke snapped her fingers and immediately a robed man appeared bowing at her side.

“Your highness?” He queried.

“Make this man move aside, and reveal to us his reluctant love.” Brooke ordered.

Before the man could lift a finger, Shane unsheathed his sword, and held it ready in my defense.
This seemed to amuse the man, and Brooke sniggered, in a very un-princess like manner.

“Dear boy, do you think mere swords can harm me?”

Shane said nothing, but he didn’t lower his sword either.

“I am the Princesses royal mage, I live to serve only her, and with the power I wield I could kill you without lifting a finger or uttering a single word. If I were you I’d think twice before threatening me, or opposing her highness.” The robed man growled. He then stretched out his hand, and flicked his wrist. Shane’s sword involuntarily was ripped from his grasp by an unseen force, and flew into the Mages outstretched hand.

“Now, step aside, or I will be forced to make you.” the Mage threatened.

“I would die first.” Shane hissed.

And what happened next, I will forever wonder where I mustered the bravery from. Shane was not about to lose his life because of me, nor anything else for that matter. I’d had a brief view of what a normal life could be like, and I would cherish that memory forever. But right now, my selfishness was hurting the one I loved, and that was the last thing I wanted.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped out from behind Shane and grabbing the beautiful mask that I hid behind, I tore it from my face, revealing my identity.

The silence was palpable, as the crowd registered just who the Prince decided to defend. Harmony, the loner, the misfit, the outcast.

Brooke managed to let out a strangled squeak, before bursting into laughter. I felt my cheeks burn when the crowd, as expected, joined in, and I knew it was all over. Nothing good could ever last, and now I was sure that Shane hated me for embarrassing him in front of the whole kingdom. I was too ashamed to meet his eyes, as he stood stiffly behind me.

Brooke regained her composure, and looking me in the eyes, she gave me a hate filled grin.
“I think you’ve learned your lesson, Princess.” she mocked. “You should never come uninvited, or steal others toys. It’s not nice.”

I returned Brook’s glare, and at last she turned her gaze to Shane.

“As for you, I could’ve given you the world. Instead you choose this misshapen cow over me. I know of no way to punish you better than taking away what you desire.”

Shane drew even with me, and to my surprise took my hand.

“You can’t stop love, Brooke, especially not true love. You are a sad, mistaken, spoiled brat, without the slightest notion of what love truly entitles and I feel pity for you because you will never know true happiness that only love can bring.” Shane stated, as he gave Brooke a hard stare. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be taking our leave.” Shane gave a curt bow, and taking my arm started to lead me through the crowd.

“Only I, have the final say!” Brooke shrieked. “Mage, turn that man into the filthy, cheating, rat he is!”

Time seemed to stand still as I turned just in time to see the Mage lift his hand. Light raced from the tips of his fingers to embed themselves in Shane’s back, and I heard someone screaming. As reality gripped me I realized it was me.

Shane fell to the ground immediately, unmoving. The light that entered him, engulfed his whole being, and in the next second Shane was gone. Lying deathly still in his place, was a large hideous wood rat.

As I realized what had happened, I grabbed the still unconscious Shane, and with Brooke’s laughter ringing in my ears I ran.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________


I finally gained control over my situation, and my tears slowed. Returning back to the present as Shane stirred in my gentle grasp, I looked down in wonder at the brown rat nestled in the folds of my skirt.

Seeing him looking up at me brought on a new rush of tears.

“I’m so sorry Shane, this all my fault,” I sobbed, how could I have let this happen? A tiny paw reached out to rest on my hand, and I sniffed in surprise as a voice entered my mind. Shane’s voice.

“Harmony, like I told Brooke, true love can over come anything. Don’t you believe that?”

I’d once thought that to be true, but looking at our current situation, I didn’t see how love could help us here.

“I love you with all my heart, and you love me, right?” Shane asked, his voice still in my thoughts. I nodded, not sure what he was getting at.

“Harmony, there is something you need to understand. Magic is very powerful and almost unstoppable, but there is one power that can beat it every time. True love. If you really do love me, then you can reverse this spell and we can once more be together, but that is only if. Otherwise I will stay this way forever, and we will always be apart.”

“I do love you, but how am I supposed to break this retched curse?” I was so confused. Love was just a feeling, how was I supposed to ‘use it’ to reverse what had been done?

“All you have to do is prove that your love really is true.”

And how exactly was I supposed to do that? Thinking hard, I wondered why it hadn’t occurred to me sooner. What was more proof of love, than true love’s first kiss?

Reaching down, I scooped Shane into my hands and bringing him to eye level closed my eyes. Leaning forward, I desperately hoped this would work, if it didn’t I had no idea what I was going to do.

And then, a shock of emotion raced through me as soft lips met my own. My eyes flew open and I found kneeling before me with a radiant smile on his face, my Prince. Relief flooded me, and in the next second I was in his arms where I rightfully belonged. As our lips met once more, I knew without a doubt, there was nothing that could ever take him away from me again.




Spoiler! :
This is a story I started ages (literally years) ago. It was for a contest that I didn’t meet the deadline for (obviously, I’m just now finishing it). It was written from a picture prompt, so here’s the link (I hope it works): file:///F:/YWS/641556-1024x768-the-rat---victoria-frances.jpg
Last edited by ZannaShepherd on Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
In order to write about life, first you must live it!

Ernest Hemingway

Hmm, must be why I only write fantasy, that's the only life I've ever lived.
~Zanna
  





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Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:33 pm
Shakyll says...



awww I love it :3 just one thing...I was kind of confused about the prologue part. I didn't see where her memory ended and the rest of the story picked up at the end of the prologue part, you know? Just a thought.
But I really like the story xD it's sweet.
--Shackled
  





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Tue Jul 05, 2011 5:14 pm
DakotaK says...



Hi Zanna!
So, here to review! First off, the prologue part really draws us in but it was a lot of show not tell so I couldn't feel it like I wanted to.
The Dark clouds covered the stars, the beautiful darkness hiding my imperfections and tears.


Entering the forest I refused to slow my mad dash, intent on leaving my disgrace and betrayal behind me.


Let them have the dress for all It’s worth, It had only brought me pain and sorrow. Both should be lowercase.


It was nearing Autumn Fall, and the whole town was a bustle with the spirit of the Autumn festival. Using Autumn twice in the same sentence sounds awkward.


“Oh, Harmony, how lovely to see you, what a shame I won’t see you at
the ball.”


You’d thought think that after 18 years I would have gotten used to it by now, Or it would be: You'd have thought

You probably think I committed some awful crime or some type thingsomething


This was my first big mistake in a long list of them.


The most surprising thing though was his hair, it was a pale blonde color, but the color wasn’t the shocking thing, it was its length. His hair was clasped in a tight ponytail, and reached almost to his knees. Seriously? She's seen him how long and not noticed his ponytail? I mean most of the time that's pretty obvious...


Realizing I was staring at him, I lowered my gaze and stammered out a greeting. Since you go on to dialogue her greeting the tag is redundant and unnecessary.


Well it was nice to finally meet you, after working with you for the last two days. If it's the fairy culture to wait two whole days to introduce yourself to a co-worker you should explain it, otherwise this is unrealistic.

As the second week came to an end, I made my second mistake Replace one "second" with 'next'


“What do you mean, Harmony? comma before addressing a person's name


I brought you a gown to wear, with a mask, and vale You should mention that he only brought it for her sake, that she could feel more comfortable, otherwise it seems like he's embarrassed to be seen with her and wants her to hide.


n fact no one even gave us a second glance. Wouldn't people be staring at the prince and his hidden guest? Royalty normally gets noticed.

I was able to forget all of my worries\and just be


Beside me I’d felt Shane grow uneasy, and it had seeped into me like a plague. I really like the sentence:)


All you have to do is prove your that your love really is true.



Okay, so all just little things. I liked the overall story and I loved the rat part except "love's first kiss" is soooo cliche, lol. I really didn't like the fact that the main body of the story was in past tense. Make it present and really pull us in, make us feel her anxiety and pain. I think you could make it work better that way. As always, you did an awesome job and keep up the good work!
~Dakota Knight

PS. Your link didn't work so I googled it to find the pic and it showed up!

Image
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

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Sun Jul 10, 2011 1:40 am
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Almadiri says...



Wow!!

First of all I loved the title...It really made me read the story!!

And second, I loved the story!!

I really felt the anxiety and the pain...in a certain moment I almost cried!! My mind was going crazy and I started reading really fast because I needed to know what was going to happend!!!

“Only I, have the final say!” Brooke shrieked. “Mage, turn that man into the filthy, cheating, rat he is!”


At this part I was like "What?? Nooooooo....is that really happening??...keep reading!!!!!"

I’d rather thought she’d looked like an over stuffed peacock, and I really couldn’t see how she could move in all that jewelry, it must’ve weighed a ton. 


I just loved this sentence!! :D

Loved it!! Keep up the good work!!

~Diri ♥
Never let your praying knees get lazy ~Lee Brice

Obey God, and leave all the consequences to Him ~Charles Stanley
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 3435
Reviews: 125
Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:14 pm
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PixieStix says...



I understand all of it! The pain and sorrow of this lonely fairy in diaganol and its love for it is unsacrificing! I love the plot of this story. It kind of made me cry in the beggining. I love how the dashing fairy does not comprehend the sorrow of its life! I know what it feels like to not careb for yourself and I discribe it in may ways such as

In-Dearment
torture
pain
sorrow
tears
frowns
scare
beggs

All of them make me think of a bad life pinned to a person and thats what the poor fairy is feeling Its wings torn and body at rest is all divine the way to discribed it in such a way. And when the person is talikng I think that you should make it not past tense.. like in this first part of the story:

I ran, I ran from it all. The shame the sorrow, and the never ending torment. The only thing that seemed to be on my side was the night. The clouds covered the stars, the beautiful darkness hiding my imperfections and tears.

Entering the forest I refused to slow my mad dash, intent on leaving my disgrace and betrayal behind me. The snake like fingers of the trees grabbed at me, tearing at my fancy attire and fragile wings, but I didn’t care. Let them have the dress for all It’s worth, It had only brought me pain and sorrow.

At last exhausted from my ceaseless running, I came to rest with my back to the trunk of a large oak, trembling like a scared child, and looking even worse than when I’d started. Sinking to the ground I let my misery fill up inside of me and spill over. Closing my eyes I let the tears flow freely, and painfully let my mind wander back to where it had all started]


Is this fairy trying to tell us a story? Is she making a point? I dont undrestand.. Is she saying it out loud?? If she is thinking it then she should strt out like this:

Iran, I am running from it all. The shame the sorrow, and the never ending torment. The only thing that seems to be on my side is the night. The clouds are covering the stars, the beautiful darkness is hiding my imperfections and tears.

Entering the forest I am refusing to slow my mad dash, intent on leaving my disgrace and betrayal behind me. The snake like fingers of the trees are grabbing at me , tearing at my fancy attire and fragile wings, but I don't care. Let them have the dress for all It’s worth, It is only bringing me pain and sorrow.

At last I am exausted from my ceaseless running, I am coming to rest with my back to the trunk of a large oak, trembling like a scared child, and looking even worse than when I’d started. i am Sinking to the ground, I let my misery fill up inside of me and spill over. I let my eyes close as the tears flow freely, and painfully let my mind wander back to where it had all started]


Thats just my opinion.. There is more in the rest of the story but I am not going to re-write it for you.. I am not trying to be harsh and if i am to you than I am sorry! Ok that is all that is wrong. Overall it is great! Good luck on your next stories!

~Pixie2~
All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie-dust!
  





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Reviews: 88
Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:44 am
ZannaShepherd says...



Thank you so much to everyone, who read and reviewed/commented on Tears of a Fairy! I re-edited it, and I hope I was able to improve it. Feel free to let me know what you think!
~Zanna
In order to write about life, first you must live it!

Ernest Hemingway

Hmm, must be why I only write fantasy, that's the only life I've ever lived.
~Zanna
  








Half the work that is done in this world is to make things appear what they are not.
— Elias Root Beadle