She: It is 6 in the morning and I cannot feel you on the bed beside me. My heart quickens, and my throat constricts. I shut my eyes tightly, afraid, incredibly afraid to look and find my biggest fear come true. I am not afraid to wake up to an empty house. I am not afraid to find you gone. I am afraid that I will find you gone and realize that I have ceased to even care.
He: How different it is now. Once, when we had just begun, I would hurry home after a grueling day at the office and feel my exhaustion vanish as your smile appears. We would tumble into bed laughing and all the worries of the day would disappear. I would wake up early, just to heat up the coffee in our dented little coffee pot, because I knew that was how you loved to begin your day. But now…
She: I remember waking up to a cup of coffee and a gentle kiss. I remember you rushing around, looking for your shoes and then walking over to me, gesturing to your tie. I would get out of bed, just so I can see you off—I can’t even bother now. The coffee is cold upon the stove, and the grains are bitter from being left there too long.
He: Last night I came home to find you already sleeping. When I climbed into bed, you turned away from me. I am not sure if it is the weather that makes the sheets so cold. I look at you and I remember how happy I was when you said yes. I thought we were going to be like the couples in the romantic comedies you loved. I thought that when I slipped the ring onto your finger, I had finally found my happily ever after.
She: We were both so blindly in love at the beginning. We thought that our feverishly beating hearts would carry us through the toughest storms of life. How stupid. How damningly stupid. I love you. Such empty words now. What did love do for us? It did nothing but trick us into a lifetime of cold linen sheets at night and bitter coffee in the morning.
He: I do not remember when I lost you. It was so gradual, the unraveling of the ties between our hearts. I do not remember when it was, when exactly it was, when the light went out from your eyes. I am so sorry that I could not make you fall in love with me over and over again. It looked so easy in the movies. It looked so easy in the books. But I couldn’t. Sometimes I’m afraid to come home, because I’m afraid that I will find that you have left me. I’m afraid to wake up and find you gone from me forever.
She: It is 6 in the morning and you are not beside me. I open my eyes at last and survey the emptiness of the room, feel the emptiness of the apartment. I tear the blankets from me and stumble onto the floor. I walk over to the closet door, and fighting the urge to cry, I fling the doors open. Who was I kidding? I did care. I will still care. It was difficult. It was not perfect. But who was I fooling when I told you that I had stopped loving you?
He: It is 6 in the morning and I hear a bang from the room. I turn off the stove and rush upstairs. You are standing in front of the closet clutching one of my shirts to your chest and crying your heart out. It was funny, it was heartbreaking, it was happy. You turn to me, and you are laughing in spite of your tears. Your eyes have that light again. The light that came whenever you looked at me. I lean against the door and smile. I hold out my hand to you, but instead you run into my arms. I don’t know what to say. I love you is not enough. It is never enough. I made coffee for you, I say softly as you cry. I made you coffee again, I whisper, and the soothing scent of coffee in the morning enveloped our kiss.
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