z

Young Writers Society


Pudding



Random avatar


Gender: None specified
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:44 am
NastyMann says...



This is a story of Ligashem and her quest for love.





Introduction, bebbeh

Gargery's screams bellowed from his mouth as the pudding proceeded to rip open his succulent skin. It wasn't long before he began to crawl around inside his organs, the warm, red liquid that they bathed in provided pleasure to the pudding.

The pudding began to finish off the man as it began to squeeze around its lungs, collapsing them.




Two hours earlier...

"Hey yo Gargie!" Smithy bo Bithy called.

Gargery looked towards his best friend and smiled at his awkward posture. The black man had beautifully white teeth, with a delightful space between his two front. His afro had a rather respectable volume, exceeding his head's.

"Hello Smithy!" Gargery cried as he gave him a deep, warm manhug.

As Smithy bo Bithy began to feel Gargery's beautiful bum, they both saw blobs of butterscotch in the horizon.

"Oh das right!" Smithy cried, "'dere's pudding comin' to kill everyone."

"Wait, what? What flavor?" Gargery exclaimed.

"Well, so far, 'dere wus only chocolate 'n butterscotch, MUH FAVES, but 'dere have been rumors 'dere wus vanilla," Smithy explained.

"Oh. Well. Shall we run?" Gargery asked.

"I'll run to deh end of da world fo you, baybuh," Smithy croaked as he lifted his head slightly, his eyes gazing deep into Gargery's.

Gargery licked his lips and gently closed his eyes and took a breath. He shook his head and hopped into his prized possession, his pink corvette with pistols painted on the front.



Little Bobby Junior winced against the pudding's death choke, his little body was quickly crushing from the pudding's might. Choclate splashed against his face, and as he proceeded to lick it, the pudding tunneled deep into his mouth. It wasn't long before the pudding began to break from his stomach, and swirl about his innards. As Little Bobby Junior screamed in delight, he thanked the Lord for his masochism.

Little Bobby Junior cried tears of joy as he slowly succumbed to his death.



Gargery and Smithy bo Bithy blasted through a garage door to see the remnants of a chubby little boy.

Gargery lifted up his bloodied body and saw that he was wearing a name tag that read Little Bobby Junior.

"That's rather peculiar," Gargery mused.

"I think it's sexeh," Smithy crooned as he pinned it on his shirt.

Gargery bit his bottom lip and moaned.

Suddenly, chocolate pudding blasted through the garage window and slammed into Gargery.

"Smithy! HELP ME!" Gargery screamed.

Smithy was already long gone, driving away in Gargery's corvette.



Gargery faced the pudding and allowed it to tunnel inside of him. Without Smithy, his world was nothing.



Chapter One





"Yes... the pudding, it rises still!" Ligashem screamed. She stared at her beautiful creations, the pudding that kills, and only kills. "Yes, my beautiful pudding! Devour all!" she screeched.

The pudding gargled and squealed with delight as she empowered them with magic.



Smithy bo Bithy opened his eyes and yawned. The built in DVD player in the corvette kept him awake all night long. Brokeback Mountain wasn't as good as people claimed it was.

Smithy gleefully played with his afro and thought on what to do next. The evil pudding was obviously going to kill anyone if someone didn't stop it. But, he was sure that some enjoyable character that everyone loves is already on that adventure.

Smithy started up the corvette and slammed his foot on the gas pedal, and drove off into the rising sun.



Gargery winced. He... He was alive.

"Mm, your body... Its bloodstains enlighten your beautiful composure."

Gargery looked above him to see an odd looking lady with a grotesque face. She was rather skinny, and her wrinkles were littered amongst her body. She had incredibly long dreadlocks, the end was coiled on to the ground.

"My name is Ligashem!" she growled.

"I'm guessing your parents didn't like you to give you such a name," Gargery surmised.

"NAY, YOU UNINTUITIVE URN!" Ligashem screeched.

Gargery thought for a moment and looked at Ligashem. "Should I be insulted?"

"I don't know... I just don't know anymore!" she cried as tears dribbled down her saggy face. "Ever since I started this apocalypse I was unsure of everything, whether it be what I'm doing is right or if brushing your teeth twice a day is in fact better than three!"

Gargery looked about his body for wounds and saw that he was completely healed, not a scratch or pudding stain was on him. "Say, did you save me?"

Ligashem paused, it seemed as though she was choosing her words carefully. "Yes... and no..." she stated as her eyes lowered.

Gargery sat up and backed away from Ligashem, her face now in a disgustingly provocative trance.

"I wanna lick your goosh," she finally said as she sprinted towards him.

"My what?" Gargery asked as he was tackled to the ground.



Roger McHuston combed his hair back in a dashing style, his sunglasses highlighted how totally cool he was. The pudding couldn't catch him! He was in a jet, after all.

Roger hadn't a worry in the world. His father, a very wealthy man had died, (which may or may not have been Roger's fault) and his fortune was passed onto him by what his will stated. (Which may or may not have been written by Roger.)

The jet plane was armed with missiles and everything else cool and explosiony. The pudding blobs were easily dispatched from the jet's weaponry, making Roger feel like a million bucks.

Suddenly, Roger saw an old lady sodomizing a young man beside a garage.

Realizing his chance to finally feel pleasure for once in his life, he pulled down his pants and prayed... Though, nothing happened.

"I'd give anything if I could just feel pleasure... I tried so many things, so many fetishes!" Roger wailed.

He noticed the elderly woman was now holding a knife, raising it above the man's head.

"Hmm... There comes a time where empathy overrides not giving a damn... Sadly, this is not one of those times," Roger decided as he shot away, leaving the man to cry in distraught.

"LET ME LICK YOUR GOOSH!" Ligashem screeched again as she wrestled her knife out of Gargery's grip.

"What is my goosh!?!?" he cried.

"Take off your clothes and I'll show you!" she squealed as she ripped her weapon from Gargery's clutch.

She shoved the blade into Gargery's arm and began to slice a gash large enough for her to fit her hand inside and squeeze his muscles and bones.

"Oh, this is so kinky," Ligashem moaned as tears of joy streamed down her eyes.

Gargery screamed in agony as he felt every nerve shoot stimuli through his body.

Gargery raised his left fist in the air slammed it against her face, causing her weak stature to topple over at his adrenaline.

Ligashem began to lick the blood off her hand and hissed.

Gargery began to sprint away, but the pain his arm slowed his run to a jog.

Unfortunately, Ligashem was incredibly fast and set on making love to Gargery in a sadistic way. Her sprint was uncanny, she caught up to Gargery in a matter of seconds.

"Your goosh... Oh, it's mine!" she screamed.

Gargery attempted to duck her stab, but she only ended up sticking the knife into his back.

She began to draw a smiley face in his back with her knife, moaning in enjoyment at the pretty picture.

Gargery screamed and cried and tried to resist, but she quickly bound him with her incredibly long dreadlocks.

She happily tore into his body and began to kiss his innards, the rewarding feeling was worth the sweaty labor of capturing him.

Gargery tried to fight against it, but the stimuli rendered him paralyzed.

"Yes, my sweet aglet, your goosh will be mine!" she screeched happily as she continued to rape him whilst murdering him.

As though her sadism couldn't get possibly worse, she began to rip out his small intestines and wear them around her neck as though it were a necklace.

"Don't I look pretty?" she giggled as she smiled Gargery a bloodstained grin.

Gargery's vision began to fade as he felt more slicing, and the last thing he saw was his goosh deep inside Ligashem's mouth.



Smithy sped down the highway, avoiding the blobs of killer pudding as best as one could.

He looked to the sky and saw a jet firing missiles at the blobs of pudding.

"OHMYGAWD PRAISE DAH LORD! Save meh!" Smithy screamed.

Roger looked down towards the black man in the rather fantastically painted corvette and pondered on whether or not he should save him.

He decided that since he let the other man die, it would only be fair.

Roger swerved down towards Smithy and sliced off his head with the wing of his jet. After all, it would be unfair if he let Smithy live and not Gargery.




Ligashem licked Gargery's remnants (which were a couple of organs and bones, the rest were either inside her or inside the remnants themselves.)

She opened up her spell book and wondered how she could enhance her pleasure even more. She already felt the beautiful murderous actions from the pudding, but she wanted them to be synced in such a way she would feel it as though she was doing it herself.

Ligashem flipped a couple of pages and immediately saw the answer.



There will be more.

I hope you guys liked it. Will Ligashem ever find love other than sadistically raping people?
  





User avatar



Gender: Male
Points: 790
Reviews: 2
Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:26 pm
Vitaletum says...



Not enough dragons. I must say, if there were more dragons the narrative would flow like a river, but rivers are awesome - it really depends how happy you are with the no. of non-dragon characters that are in this poem.

Keep writing though :)
  





User avatar
424 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 8572
Reviews: 424
Wed Aug 10, 2011 12:04 pm
Demoness says...



Wooaaah, this was the oddest thing I've read! I can't even say if that's a compliment or not... this was just eh, original - I do like original though so ehm, yeeh, good job! It was hilarious at times, gross at others and then came moments where I found it sad. I don't really know how to review this, it was way too complicated for me to grasp even a tenth of what was going on.. I'll just say Ha-Ha and good luck and I think that this is a very good piece I just.. I can't find any words to describe it :P

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost
  





User avatar
64 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 2162
Reviews: 64
Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:22 pm
shadowraiki says...



I think I lost some IQ points there X.X. That was by far one of the most random things I have ever read. While it was an interesting read (had me scratching my head and laughing), there are a few flaws I need to mention.

Everything is shallow. From the characters to the plot to the wording. I can forgive the plot, since such a rediculous plot probably doesn't really need much explaining. However, I felt like this was more like a list of actions and verbs than an actual story. You introduce people are a rapid pace, you forget about the idea of pudding once you begin to focus on Ligashem and Gargery, and everything happens without reason. We have Gargery, Smithy, Roger, Little Bobby Junior, and Ligashem. Little Bobby was a little pointless as his only purpose was to die. You could have said, "They found the body of a boy" rather than having to introduce an entire character. Roger... I don't even know where he fits in, some random guy with erectile dysfuction. He's a random pilot that fights the pudding and kills Smithy for no good reason.

So about the characters. You have two flamboyant, gay male characters. That's cool. I've never seen that in a story, ever. But the characters are shallow, again. With the exception of Ligashem, who you show us as a crazy witch, Gargery and Smithy change over and over. Gargery "loved" Smithy, but was so easy to accept Ligashem's "pleasure"? Also, if why would he accept his death so easily, rather than scream at Smithy for leaving him? Now Smithy. He abandons Gargery so fast, I thought they were friends. Then, as he drives away, he seems to forget Gargery ever existed.

Now, one last thing to mention is that you switch character perspectives quite often. To do this more effiently, you should use breaks in between each change. Oh, and I don't think raping is the right word. Dismembering is more like it (hacking people to pieces).

While this was a comical piece, the basic story writing tips still apply. Though I do want to know what happens next...
If words are just letters put together, why do we decide on what they mean?

I step away from the grammar to review the story.

I don't do poetry.
  








Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.
— David Foster Wallace