Young Writers Society

" I never want this to end Todd. Never." I whispered as I leaned on him. "If only we could freeze time. Stay this way forever."
"I know. I love you so much."
"But you don’t really-"
"Shh... We both know that’s impossible Gana...God how I’ll miss you. Promise me to never ever change. Never let anyone take out that bright light in your eyes okay? Promise me that Gana. Just always stay the same."
"haha Todd! You're talking as if it was the last time we'd see each other! " I said jokingly. Ha, if only I had known.
It was the last time I saw Todd; he never did come back.

I remember that day so well. I went to the airport, expecting to see him come through the doors at any time, with that half smile playing on his sensual lips. Talk about dreaming, I waited there for I don’t know how many hours, and he never came. Never walked through those doors.

I didn’t understand. No probably it was the airplane that had a problem. I was expecting his call, assuming he'd call me to explain. But he never did. And every time I called him it just rang and rang away.

It was all too clear to me. Todd, the love of my life, my one and only, had gone all the way and forsaken me!
What happened to all the "I love you"s he'd said? They'd vanished in mid air, that’s what. It seemed like he never had cared. He just forgot all about me when he left... Me who he claimed to love more than his own life!

My whole world fell apart when I finally understood he'd never come back. I had lost him forever. And even as the years passed, I couldn't forget him. When my phone rang, I would hope for a millisecond that it was Todd; always. Every time I closed my eyes, it was him I saw. I knew that I’d never forget that face; no matter what happened.

***********************

"Never forget me Todd." I said as I held on to him tight; clinging, not wanting to ever let him go. Tears rolling down my eyes. We were at the airport, where he was about to leave.
"I'll always remember you Gana, always." he whispered as he gently removed my hair my tear streaked face and leaned in to give me the last kiss... I felt his lips and never ever wanted to let him go. Electricity shot through me. Just like it had the first time.
He slowly disengaged himself and with that purposeful stride of his, he was gone.

**************************

"Hey we've already reached Nashville. Wake up." The person sitting next to me in the plane said. I stifled a yawn and groggily walked to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw a reflection. A reflection of a face filled with determination and changed forever now. I was always on my guard, unable to open up to anyone again; ‘cause that heart of mine hadn’t healed. Even after all these years. Three years more precisely, as I was now 22.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and knew that I was insane. Even after the way he’d left, I was going back to Todd, I had to see him. I needed to, and the worse was I didn’t even know why.

I heard through his parents that he'd gotten married, and was now a happy engineer in some rich enterprise out there. And still I wanted to see him. Like if my presence would change anything! How pathetic I was. Here on a plane, travelling to see the one guy in this world who had to break me. Life sure couldn’t get more ironic.

After getting down from the plane, I took the first cab I could find, and gave the driver Todd’s address, that my mum had reluctantly gotten for me.

Not so long later, I found myself in front of a modest building covered by ancient sort of windows and a leaking roof...Typical Todd. The woman on the terrace looked like she had come right out of some fashion magazine with her blonde hair swaying as the wind breezed through it.

"Excuse me?" I said hesitantly. "Is this where Todd Ridgeland lives?"
"Yes it is. Who are you?" She said s she narrowed her eyes.
I didn’t want her to know who I really was, and I knew that if I said it straight out, Todd would never come out.
"I’m uhh Todd's co worker!" I spurted.
"hmph" she grunted and reluctantly stood up.

"Todd! Someone’s out here looking for you!" She hollered. And then turned back to usher me inside.
I went in to what seemed like the sitting room, with the silky covered sofas and big plasma screen. It was a beautiful place, and it looked like he was pretty well off too.

I glanced at the girl as she walked out of the sitting room. I had to admit, he had made a good choice.

I slowly surveyed the room around me and that’s when my eyes fell on that picture frame. I could feel my heart constricting as I saw Todd and his wife –that was so hard for me to say- smiling in such a carefree way. It was his marriage picture; I couldn’t believe he had actually married someone other than me. How I craved to have been the one smiling up from that picture, all happy next to Todd. It hurt to see that he was happy without me. Me who had been the love of his life... so he said. I could feel tears rushing to my eyes but made a huge effort to not let them spill. After all, I didn’t want him to think I was some weakling, but then if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be hear would I?

I heard steps rushing down the stairs and immediately knew it was him. My heart started beating so fast I thought it might just explode.
I stood up and turned around.
When our eyes met I registered the shock and surprise in his eyes and felt a small tingle of satisfaction.
"G-Gana" he started, but I raised my hand to stop him. After all these years he hadn't changed. In fact, he looked even more dazzling, so much more handsome than what I remembered. Just looking at him took my breath away. His brown velvety hair fell in a beautiful mess all around him; his eyes were so blue they could have easily out shone the sky, and his lips... Those moist, thin lips of him were just so perfectly carved. And just the sight of them got my mind racing back to not so long ago. When I took them for granted and every kiss was just bliss to me. And now... They were impossibly inaccessible!

I felt tears welling in my eyes as memories of the past kept rushing into my head. It was impossible to stop my tears this time. I just stood there, silently crying. With only two long strides, he was at my sides holding me. At the contact of his hands I felt a violent tremor shake me and quickly broke away.
“Gana its… just… don’t cry please.”He confusingly started.
“why Todd? Why did you do that to me?” Was all I could bring myself to say, as I started sobbing.
“All those ‘I love you’s were just bullshit weren’t they? I waited for you, you know. But you never came.”
“Gana I-“ he started, but I cut him short.
“It’s okay, I get it now, you met the real love of your life huh? Who knows maybe she’s the true reason why you left. “ I wiped my tears and cleared my voice.
“But its okay Todd. Its good to know everything is alright with you. I just wanted to see you for the last time” I managed a cold chuckle.
“Its good to know you; that you’re married. wish you all the best too.. And yeah, never mind; someday I’ll find someone like you. Sometimes it lasts in love, but I guess with me, it just hurt instead.”
And with that, I ran out, not bothering to wait even when he kept yelling my name. I barely made it to the cab before my tears started spilling all over again.

I was heartbroken. I thought about the last phrase I had told him. When I said I would find someone like him. Ha, if only! But deep inside I wondered if anyone could ever be like Todd; my Todd that I was still madly head over heels in love with. After all these years…

Wow, i really feel the pain of the narrarator. the love of her life will never come back! I thought that this was very good, but sad. Great job and keep writing!!!

"(delete the space here) I never want this to end

"Haha Todd! You're talking as if it was the last time we'd see each other! " I said jokingly. Ha, if only I had known.

Personally, I would take out the "Haha Todd!" It sounds awkward and forced. You say that she says it jokingly, so the Haha really isn't needed.

I remember that day so well. I went to the airport, expecting to see him

When you said 'I remember that day so well" I thought you meant the day you had just been talking about, the last time she saw him, but then I read on and saw that you meant an entirely different day. I would change that.

No probably I had told myself that it was the airplane that had a problem.

This is my suggestion of rewording, it read very awkwardly before

Todd, the love of my life, my one and only, had gone all the way and forsaken me!

Forsaken? When does this story take place, the early 30s? I would suggest keeping the voice of the narrator more modern. "Todd, the love of my life, my one and only, had left me." sounds fine.

Me, who he claimed to love more than his own life!

I found that you made your character very dramatic. Yes, the love of her life left her, which is cause for her to feel sad, even depressed, but you almost take it to a whole new level. It didn't make me compassionate for her, it made me want to slap her in the face and scream "MAN UP".

he whispered as he gently removed my hair. My tear streaked face and leaned in to give me the last kiss.

Wake up," the person sitting next to me on the plane said

‘cause that heart of mine hadn’t healed.

I find it funny that she said "forsaken me" earlier, but here she says " 'cause"

Life sure couldn’t get more ironic.

I fail to see the irony.

After getting down from the plane, I took the first cab I could find. I gave the driver Todd’s address, that my mum had reluctantly gotten for me.

covered by ancient sort of looking windows and a leaking roof...Typical Todd.

How does she know the roof is leaking? I'm pretty sure, since (to my best knowledge) it is A. not raining and B. she is not inside to see it leak.

She said as she narrowed her eyes.

"Hmph" she grunted and reluctantly stood up.

Ahhh, what a biatch.

I glanced at the girl I would say woman as she walked out of the sitting room. I had to admit, he had made a good choice.

if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be hear here would I?

“Gana its… just… don’t cry please,” he confusingly started.

“Why Todd? Why

Hm.. so. This story seemed weak to me. After all those years of moaning and whining over Todd leaving her, she decides to go visit him (makes sense), but she doesn't even stay to find out why he never called? This annoys me, I was waiting most of the story to get an answer, but you never gave me one. I can hardly believe that he stopped calling because he met that other woman. This story was a little cliche for my liking, and I found the main character to resemble Bella from Twilight. I hope this review helped, and I'm sorry if I was too harsh ;P, adios

Hiya!
This just needs a wee little improvement. The dialogue was kind of fake and cheesy, and the writing seemed a liiitle overdramatic. I agree with confetti. But I think if you revise it properly, it could be a lot better.

This could use improvement. The cliche dialogue left me feeling unsatisfied with this piece. Moreover, I understand how you're trying to base your story around the song ( I love Adele by the way, it's one of my favorites by her! ) but you could add your own twist to it. Don't follow the plot of the song, it doesn't express you as a writer well enough. The ending confused me. At first she was angry, then sad, then happy, then just left? I understand she had a rush of emotions, but it was a bit too jumbled up for me. I think with a little more creativity with your dialogues, and a bit more build-up with your characters, this could actually be very good! Overall, not bad, just needs some more effort. Good luck, keep writing, I'd love to see more

My goodness where to start. This story was absolutely AMAZING! Especially for your age I was very impressed. There were some minor grammatical errors but nothing too huge(; I felt the real pain Gana was going through and it almost made me tear up a bit. I loved how you were so detailed in describing on what Todd looked like. You can never have too many details. I think my favorite part was how you incorporated the lyrics from the song in the story and it just flowed so well. I would definitely like to read some more or your work.