Young Writers Society

I'm starting to like short stories apparently. This is something I instantly thought of while riding in the car with my mom and I started laughing randomly. This is sort of funny so enjoy.



A 16-year old boy went to to go visit his best friend at her house, one summer day. Most of his friends teased him about not going up to ask his hot friend out. His best friend was beautiful with her clear white skin, red hair, and green eyes. She had a fiery temper and loved skateboarding and playing lacrosse with him, but he didn't look at his friend like that. On that day he went to visit her, he saw that the woman actually hotter than his best friend was her mom.

He was very amazed at the sight of this woman. She resembled her daughter very much but in a more mature form. She looked to be in her late twenties which attracted him more. With a couple more visits, she gave him her phone number and the two became close. His best friend did suspect him of having a something with a girl, but she never knew the identity of the new girl. Throughout the frequent visits, the two best friends actually became closer than before. The girl treated her best friend as if he was a girl himself, telling him secrets and coming over to cry on his shoulder when she went through a nasty break-up. The boy didn't know what he shared with this girl, but he was soon going to find out.

Then one day, the girl came up to her best friend and announced that he knew about his current relationship.

"It's quite funny," she said with a chuckled "But you didn't have to hide it from me,"

The boy was surprised at this. "So, are you okay with it?"

She nodded and then gave him a slightly perplexed look. "But don't you think she's a little too old for you?"

The boy was too shocked at his friend's casualty too answer. The girl thought it was because it was a question he never thought to ask himself.

The boy and his best friend's mom's relationship had grown and she didn't mind his age , but as the days went by, he started to feel more and more guilty. It was not only guilt that he felt but his love he thought he had for this woman was nothing but diminishing.

It was all but lust he told himself one day

The boy finally broke up with the woman and a year later, she was to be married.

His best friend asked him to be her escort at the wedding and he gladly agreed. Over the year, he actually realized the reason why his love has diminished while he was with the woman. He was actually in love with his best friend the whole entire time. After the wedding, the boy drove his new love to the reception.

They sat at a table next to the newlyweds and after the toasts were made, he inched towards his new girlfriend and whispered, "I bet you're so proud of your mom finding someone to love,"

The girl looked at him in shock "What?!"

"Yeah, your mom. She looks happy," he said

The girl started laughing and the boy became confused.

"What's so funny?" he asked

"That's not my mom, idiot," she managed to say " That's my sister,"

HAHA! The end was very funny and surely not what I was expecting at all! Although, throughout the whole story, I felt like you were just telling. I kind of like to be in the story, not just listen to it. There was to much telling and not enough details and things.

Hi there!

That was a great ending! I like how you built it up, giving subtle hints as you went along. I kind of guessed that something was up with the mother because if she was in her late twenties, she probably would've had her daughter when she was sixteen which meant the kids were only thirteen. And I didn't expect a thirteen year old boy to want to date someone like that.

Anyway, this was written very well and I didn't find and grammer or spelling mistakes. You had a good balance between your description and your dialouge. Your characters are great as well, easily relatable.

Overall this is a good story. Keep writing!

oh jeez... that's a great ending.

This is a pretty little funny thing. I think you could certainly expand it into more than it is. Right now the writing is Juvenal. We could get more details and things.. for example I kept thinking about the fact that, chances are, the mom and that kid having a relationship is ILLEGAL! It is certainly good as is, but I think you could extend it more to give it more depth, to the characters. Plus at times your overly powerful use of "girl" "woman" "him" her" kind of got me confused as to who you were talking about.

Wish I could say more, but with a story as short and silly as this, there isn't too much to review. Keep bein silly!

That was....hilarious!! I could stop smiling while writing this review.
About your story, it was quite well-written but it has got some errors that needed some fixation.

A 16-year old boy went to to go visit his best friend at her house, one summer day.

That's a simple mistake. The second 'to' should be omitted. Also, I believe you should also omit 'go' and just 'went to visit...'

His best friend was beautiful with her clear white skin, red hair, and green eyes.

I dislike giving describing the girl in a list-form. It is making the sentence plain so trying adding more descriptions to it.

The boy was too shocked at his friend's casualty to answer.

It was all but lust, he told himself one day

Overall, it was quite enjoyable to read. I would love to read more of your stories.

I loved this story! It was funny, cute, and simple. I thought the best friend would think it was someone else not her own mother. I was convinced that he really had something with the mother. I loved how it ended thought, I really wasn't expecting that! I loved it, it was so funny.

That ending was golden! It cracked me up!

First off, the author's note you put in the beginning should've been put in a spoiler, because it has no relation to the story!

Second, I love how you didn't give the characters names. That gives the story more of a mysterious edge.

Third, I didn't quite like the way some things were written. The grammar, in certain areas, were difficult to read and understand.

Not much of a review, but I couldn't find a main nitpick to focus on ^-^

Keep writing.

- Ariel<3'