Young Writers Society

There is a scar on the bluish white skin of my chest, just above my heart, that is dedicated to you. It is the scar that you made there. I’d think that by now that I’d be over you. I never really loved you, or so I told myself. I never wanted to stay with you.

When I said goodbye to you, you made that scar. The blood flowed down my stomach, a sticky red river. It stained my shirt brown. I had to throw away that shirt, you know.

It was your fault, they were your words. I just put them in between us, because you weren’t brave enough to. But you slashed them in half with that Swiss Army knife. And I let you.

I’d think that by now I’d be over you, but I’m not. The scar is still bleeding. It covered itself with a pale layer of tissue when I left you. I thought I was on the mend. But now I know how wrong I was.

I’m not healing. The scar is still bleeding. You are still claiming my blood as a sacrifice for the love you think I stole from you. I never stole anything. You brought it to yourself.

I should be relieved that you’ve gotten over me. That’s what they tell me. You’re looking at other girls now. You aren’t hurting anymore. And you never guess that I might be.

The scar is still bleeding. But it’s no longer your hand opening the wound afresh every time it threatens to heal over, it’s mine.

I really loved this, I thought it explained realationships real well. It really hit home with me since I've been feeling similar to that with my best friend. I especially liked how you make is seem real, like they actually cut you instead of your heart like most other things on this subject is. I really enjoyed this, I could say I wished it were longer, but I don't because then it would just be too much. This was perfect. The repition perfect. I really enjoyed this and would love to read more of your writtings.

The scar is still bleeding. But it’s no longer your hand opening the wound afresh every time it threatens to heal over, it’s mine.

That is my favorite line it really tells us how we are when we break it off with someone, always clawing at the wound thinking "What if I did this... I could have done that..." You really explained it perfectly, very touching. Great job. 5 owls out of 5.
~Owl

Woah! Thats amazing and sincere so just..wow... thanks for posting this it's very i dont know its just

Sarebear, hello there.

I see this is a pretty short piece you have here. All the more easier to really soak in what you have to show me. x)

First off, I want to say that I really can relate to what you've written here. It's like an odd coating of deja vu. You have the speaker who the whole way through is explaining the scarring of hurt that this significant other left with her, even though it was her who walked away. An interesting motive, but at first I wasn't quite sure about it. Then I got around to the ending where you explain that her ex lover's heart has healed, but she's still scarred with the impression their relationship left on her. She still longs for the something she let go, only now she can't take it back. Superb mind-blow. x) I really like this piece in that whole general aspect, which is good.

Now, I did have a few general tiffs about this piece as well. Mainly your use of the metaphorical expression, 'blood', occurring repetitively the entire way through. It felt like a bit too much. Like chewing on the same piece of gum past the time it runs out of flavor. I would have really liked to have seen you switch it up a bit. Get a little more creative with your metaphorical imagery and what-not. I think that the over use of the word blood became washed out a little too quickly. Try and get a bit more poetic even. Don't be too forward and front about your describing things. Attempt to really shove outside your comfort zone and think more deeply on the effect you intend your emotions to send off.

In general, like I said, this was a great piece as far as the point in which it was written. I don't hear enough of this particular aspect when it comes to heartbreak. More like the really angsty 'he broke my heart and now I'm shattered' sort of stuff is what tends to grow most popular. One thing I can say that I think might also help you strengthen this up a bit though would probably be to play your fields where they're strongest. I mean this as in don't be so simple that I wish you'd elaborate a little more, or don't be too elaborative that I wish you might've smoothed things out a little. Always find that happy medium. Here I think you may have been a bit simple. You could have definitely gone a little deeper with the emotion and the strength of your words.

I suppose that's all I really have to say here. Your writing is definitely pleasing to read, but I do think that with much practice you can only get better. ;] So hold that in! Keep writing, and nice work here I think.

-Smylin'

Boo here! Hey Sara,

I actually wasn't super happy about this story. First off felt more like a poem. It was repetitive and melodramatic. Scars don't bleed. Perhaps talk about wounds reopening. This peice needs work.

Also did you cut your self because your boyfriend left you? Why did you break up, and why does it matter so much now? These things need to be answered. Did he cheat? Is that why you're so hurt?

If you have any questions PM me or post my wall.

-Boo

For a short piece it sure tells a lot about love and how it can sometimes cause destruction when there is conflict between lovers.. This story was amazing!!