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Their Love Will Live On



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Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:29 am
ShadowPrincess16 says...



Their Love Will live on

Rain drops glittered on the boy’s ivory-skinned face as he knelt in the middle of the forest. Tears flowed from his eyes without end and his body shook with the intensity of his sobs. In his arms he held a girl, the girl he loved. His eyes never left her face and his arms never moved from around her. He screamed and his voice shook the trees around him. Still the girl in his arms made no movement. He bent over her and pressed his lips to hers. She gave only a feeble cough in response. Anybody else would have missed this almost-inaudible sound but not this boy. He heard her as clearly as he had ever heard anything.
Guilt rose up inside of him as he stared down into her eyes. If she died it would be his fault. He had left her alone for only a few hours but even those few hours had been enough to take her from him. Silently he cursed himself for asking her to run away with him. If only they had stayed in town she would not be facing death right now. More tears poured down his face as he began speaking, begging her to stay with him.
“Baby please...please don’t leave me. I swear I’ll never leave you again. I’ll never let anything hurt you again. Just please don’t leave me! Please...please...oh God baby don’t leave me!” he whispered, his voice breaking.
The girl struggled to open her eyes. She had to say it, to hear him say it back just one more time. When her clear blue eyes were staring into his dark green ones she gave him a weak smile. His arms tightened around her momentarily and she reveled in the comfort the feeling of his arms gave to her. Tears welled in her eyes but she didn’t allow them to fall. Seeing her cry would only make his pain greater and the sight of his pain was already too great for her to bear. When she spoke, her voice was faint but did not betray the pain she was feeling.
“Emmett....I love you. You have to know that. If you are certain of nothing else, be certain that I love you. It doesn’t matter that you left me, it doesn’t even matter that you couldn’t save me. The only thing that matters now - has ever mattered - is that I love you. I love you baby, I love you so much. You are the only person in this world that has ever loved me and I have loved you with everything I have. I’m just sorry that my love wasn’t enough to keep me here with you. I love you Em.” she whispered, her voice growing in strength as she spoke.
His eyes filled with more tears as he realized what she was saying. She was going to die. His tears rolled down his cheeks like the rain that was soaking his skin. For a few moments the pain inside his heart made him speechless and all he could do was stare at her. When he regained his voice he whispered to her in a voice that told her that he would never recover from her death. Tears welled in her eyes and spilled over at the sound of his voice. She wished she could keep Death at bay just a little longer so she could listen to his voice for a few more minutes.
“Mya please...baby please don’t do this. Don’t leave me here. I can’t...I can’t stay here without you. Please baby girl please. I love you so much. There aren’t enough words in all the languages of the world to tell you how much I love you. Please...please stay with me. I love you.” His voice faded into the rain that fell around them as he finished his monologue.
Maya stared at him, the light in her eyes beginning to dim. She reached up and - with the last of her strength - kissed him with everything she had inside of her. He kissed her back, his lips wet with tears. When she pulled back she gave him her best smile and whispered his favorite three words before letting her life slip out of his hands. Emmett sat there for a few moments, staring at her. When he recovered from the shock he turned his gaze to the sky and let out a scream of pure agony. His scream held no words and yet it would have brought tears to even the coldest man’s eyes.
Slowly he made his way back to town. His arms held her cold body close, his coat was draped over her as if he wanted to keep her warm. As he entered the border of their small town he saw only her face in his mind. The only thing he heard was her voice. He stumbled into the local hospital and told the nurse that she was dead. The kindly old woman attempted, briefly, to take Maya from his arms before giving up and leading him back to a small room. She left to get the coroner and Emmett stared down at his beautiful fiancée with tears rolling down his cheeks. She was gone. That's all there was to it. His beautiful Maya had gone to Heaven without him. He made the decision that he wasn't going to live without her. Climbing up onto the hospital bed beside her he pulled her into his arms and held her pressed close to him. He was smiling when Death came to collect him.
When the doctor came back into the room he found the young couple laying together on the bed. The young man whose name would later be known as Emmett Diamond held his beloved Maya Castle wrapped in a protective embrace. The doctor checked the young man’s pulse and wasn't astonished to find that he was dead. He gazed down at the young couple and saw just how much Emmett had loved his Maya. He gazed down at his son on the bed and - strangely - felt no sorrow over losing Emmett. He would never have been happy again if he had lived and so, he concluded, this was best for him. He took a moment to say his goodbyes to Emmett before calling his wife into the room.
“He really did love her.” his wife whispered as a tear rolled down her aging cheek.
“Yes he did. He loved his Maya more than his own life.”
“She was his life Michael.” his wife corrected.
Laura Diamond stared down at her son, memorizing every feature of his face. She would always remember him as he looked now. The image she would keep in her mind of him would be the one of her favorite crooked grin and of his arms wrapped tightly around his fiancé. As she stared at him she felt her sorrow ebbing away. She turned and pulled her husband into her arms. They held each other for a little while before she spoke in a determined voice.
“They will be buried in a single coffin together. Emmett wouldn't want it any other way.” she said, raising her eyes to meet Emmett's.
“I couldn't have said it better my love.”
A week passed and the couple were put to rest in a custom built coffin. They were laid to rest under a willow tree near the lake where they had first met. It was where Emmett and Maya had always planned to build their home, and Emmett’s mother wanted them to rest in that place for the rest of eternity.
Over two hundred people attended the funeral and among them were two people, two people who would never forget the young couple. Doctor Diamond and his wife Nurse Diamond stood in front of the crowd that had gathered to watch their son’s funeral. They noted - with a smile - the words on the headstone that adorned the combined graves of Emmett Diamond and Maya Castle:
“Their love will live on.”
“wanting what you could not have led to misery and madness”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
  





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Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:40 pm
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MischiefManaged says...



ShadowPrincess16, this was just any typical tragic love story. Creativity here was redundant and it is more than predictable about what's to come next. Bland, to be honest, because there's nothing different to this story than any other tragic romance. It's quite like just saying, "The girl dies, the boy keeps crying and then he decides to kill himself." Anyhow, since you've written it down and put it up I'll point out some things:-

You wrote: His tears rolled down his cheeks like the rain that was soaking his skin.

The imagery you've set before this was a good one and then suddenly you bring rain to the story for dramatic purposes I suppose? Also, I do not approve of this line because the effort at creating a metaphor did not work. It doesn't make sense.

You wrote: ... tears rolling down his cheeks ...

Too many times has this line made an appearance and it gets quite annoying really, at how many times you mention that the boy is crying.

You wrote: The young man whose name would later be known as Emmett Diamond ...

"Later known as"? What is that supposed to mean?

All in all, I'd like to say that your flow was good, you had good vocabulary and the syntax and grammar was very very good. I just wish you'd be a bit more creative and a bit less dramatic.
  





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Wed Oct 05, 2011 7:13 pm
Starleene says...



Hey hey!!
I for one love this story (I'm such a sucker for tragic romamnces (: ).
You did mention this line alot in your writing...maybe change it up and use different words. The effect would be great.
His tears rolled down his cheeks like the rain that was soaking his skin

Just a small tweek...Isn't his name already Emmett?
The young man whose name would later be known as Emmett Diamond

The sons name is Emmett, the husbands name is Michael. Slight confusion there.
she said, raising her eyes to meet Emmett's.

In this sentence maybe you could say Doctor Diamond and his wife stood in front of the crowd...This would make this sentence flow better.
Doctor Diamond and his wife, Nurse Diamond, stood in front of the crowd that had gathered to watch their son’s funeral

All in all, I like this piece! Just remember to vary word choice and work on metaphorical refrences. If you have any questions message me! :)
~Starleene~
Jhinx called me old. Rude.
  








It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
— Albus Dumbledore