Young Writers Society

Author's Note: The song "God Gave Me You" has become one of my favorite songs and it really holds the base for this story. The heroine in the story is very connected to the hero and the song is a portrayal of that. Also, this story is a true story. Some events may not be accurate though, my memory isn't 100% accurate and names have been changed. Also, the hero in the story has not died and the woman is not an old woman in real life. In fact they are both teenagers in real life but the story is better this way.

Here's the story:

“Love is never blind. It can always see through the weak mind .”

-Ventura Gonzalez



One day, I had thoughts in the back of my mind. Everyone around me was breaking up and you and I were the only couple left. I found this paper folded in a box with some letters I wrote to you before we started dating; they were letters that I never gave you. This one stuck out to me the most and it read:

If you walked away from me tonight, I’d understand. People change their minds; I can’t keep you if you want to go. I can only pray that you come back and I know that if you come back you will always be mine yet the catch is this: if you leave a second time, you’ll leave a third and a fourth and I won’t sit around and wait for you. I will not be your game and I sure as hell won’t be played. You asked me earlier if I loved you and I said yes, what’s your answer? I haven’t gotten one yet.

A few months ago when I first met you, we instantly became best friends. I was able totell you anything and everything and you would never judge me. You knew my deepest darkest shattering secrets and when I cried, you held me. You gave me everything that I could have ever asked for. I realized now that I don’t want anyone taking you from me. Some friendships are destined to end while others are destined to get stronger with love and that’s what I am starting to feel.

Yet when I first talked to you, you hated me. Meeting me was fine but before you got achance to hang out with me, you couldn’t stand me.

You are very handsome and much different from any other guy that I met. You had a place in my heart from the very beginning. You hold doors for me, you rememberthings about me that no one else could and when we first talked, we talked about our exes and bonded on how much wrong they have done.

But all of that is allowed to change, isn’t it? Anyone can take back three words but they can’t take back all the good and bad memories that they left impressed on someone’s heart. Here’s the worse thing: I can’t erase the good memories because those are the moments that I love the most. I know everyone says “remember the good and forget the bad” but how do you remember the good when you realize what was good will never be there again? It is remembering the bad that keeps people moving on because if we were to remember the good of every relationship ever ended, we’d all be depressed and lonely.

But I’m accepting. I can burn the pictures and the notes. I can do things to get you off my mind. I can talk to new people to stop myself from wanting to talk to you. But the one thing I can’t do is un-love you and like I said, I accept.



I cannot believe that I was stupid enough to think that you would ever leave me, Gabriel but I was scared because I knew that there would never be anyone after you. What can I say? You were my one true love and you don’t get a true love twic

Nice work but a few pointers. Well i make so many mistakes i tend to see others pretty easily you know. Ah first thing grammer

"You are very handsome and much different from any other guy that I met. You had a place in my heart from the very beginning. You hold doors for me, you rememberthings about me that no one else could and when we first talked, we talked about our exes and bonded on how much wrong they have done. " --- So take a look at this and you'll see what i mean. you might want to try proofreading your work because people are going to come with some harsh criticisms and judgement.
The other thing, is this a short story or narrative because i cant tell if it's first or third person point of veiw. Im not to sure if your going to continue and i think you should but just remember in the world of a writer everyone looks for your mistakes you know. But keep posting and reviewing stuff and you will be a novelist soon enough.

This felt very real to me, as if written in a diary or letter. I think there could be more of a story here, though. It feels like you're holding back and have only written the vague parts of the story. I would suggest showing more examples of the characters' love for each other. Why is this love God-given? (reference to the song).

But if you're still in the process of writing, you can disregard everything I said:)

Wow this was so deep.. I really loved this. It was so personal and I feel the readers can relate to it and empathise with it. It shows the inner workings of the human mind, how laced with doubt we all are about things that are uncertain. Excellent!

This was very deep and meaningful. I'm very impressed on how you seemed to capture everything you were feelings in just some paragraphs. There are some grammatical errors that could be corrected and at certain parts it didn't flow as well as it could but overall I thought this was pretty good. Some questions though: In this were you speaking to an audience or your love Gabriel? Why were you breaking up?. Some extra details could really make this above and beyond. Very beautiful(:

wow, i love this story a lot It is a very sweet, personal and honest story and I feel like you are spilling your heart our over these few paragraphs. Great work!

Oh my goodness, this was such a cute story. It made me tear up a bit because I'm kind of in that situation myself, except it didn't take many months, it only took about 2. I can completely relate to this character and I know how she feels. I'm sure a lot of people can relate and that's what makes it good. I know what it feels like to have a guy there with you and it be so easy to talk to him about everything and nothing at all. I know how it feels to have him walk away so soon, still knowing that you love him. That's why this story made me tear up.
Just a couple of things though. In the author's note, you said that the girl isn't old and the boy isn't dead. If you hadnt told me, I wouldn't have guessed either of those things. So maybe show a little more of that in the story.
Good job

Keep on Writing
-Roxy

I liked this I really did it sounded genuine. Your title really drew me to this piece so thats really good. Love hurts and I like the way you protrayed emotion in your writing.

Hello!

So I noticed quite a few things when I was reading your story. I'll just talk about some of the main problems I found.

Overall, you tend to make quite a few grammatical mistakes and syntax errors, and it can make your piece quite difficult to read. For example:

I can only pray that you come back and I know that if you come back you will always be mine yet the catch is this

Here you repeat the words "you come back", when I feel it is not necessary to do so. Why don't you try varying your use of language, like by saying something like "I know that if you return" instead? It would make things a bit more fluent!

I'd also advise that you use commas a bit more in the sentence above, and maybe consider breaking it up into a few smaller sentences just to improve the flow of the story.

I also noticed that you said:

A few months ago when I first met you, we instantly became best friends.

However, you later contradict the statement that they "instantly became friends" when you say the following:

Yet when I first talked to you, you hated me.

This left me confused as to whether they were friends or enemies when they first met. You should probably try to clarify this for the reader. If they were enemies at first, then tell the reader how they went from friends to enemies! Adding backstory to your characters usually makes them more interesting.

A further thing I would suggest is adding more description of the characters themselves. Your character insists that:

You are very handsome and much different from any other guy that I met.

What I would like to see, though, is how he is different from other guys, and what makes him handsome. At the moment your characters don't really have personalities outside of the relationship itself. As a reader, I like to be able to empathise with the characters' thoughts, but here I found it difficult to do so as I knew nothing about them except that they were a couple.

Finally, I think you should make the letter format more clear. In some places I wasn't sure whether I was still reading the character's letter or not, but maybe that was just me. Also, you may want to check that you posted your whole story! It ends with;

you don’t get a true love twic

and I think you intended to say "twice."

Honestly, I think that with a beta reader and some editing, this could be a very interesting piece of writing.

I hope I didn't come across as too harsh or anything. If you want me to clarify any of my comments, just PM me.

- Heather