Young Writers Society

Milliseconds overcome centuries, and sure, milliseconds could kill a centuries of bone-breaking work. Scary, right? One millisecond doing all that. Like trust: It takes days, months and even years to build it, and only seconds to lose it. Or soda can pyramids, each and every can perfectly aligned to support the other. But with one of them gone all you're left with is a trashcan instead of a floor. Or love. I know, what do soda cans have anything to do with love? They don't, but I'm still going to talk about it. One day you're you're all good, minding your own business as always, and then you bump into someone, or someone smiles your way, and you are wrecked. Doomed to spending every second of your time thinking about him. And people think love is so great? I'll tell you what's great. Winning the lottery, that's great. It doesn't take a thousand people to wreck your life, it only takes one. See, it should be small numbers we should be worrying about.

Like any other life-wrecking story, mine starts with a guy. His name is Teo and we met at our lit class. I know what you're thinking, 'he must be that sort of mysterious/ sensitive/ fond of classic literature kind of guy. Well, he is just the opposite. He is boring, which is commonly mistaken for mysterious. I mean, just because someone doesn't say much, doesn't mean he is hiding something. Fond of classic literature? When asked who Stephen King was, his answer was "Er, the king of England?". He was more like the buffoon of the class, the kid who occasionally made you laugh, but not worth anyone's time.
But apparently, worth my time. I found myself fantasizing about his beat-up white shirt and the muscles underneath it. What I couldn't understand was why.

I never minded not having a boyfriend. I had strict goals that I planned to achieve.
1. Earning $5,000 for my internship in London, which I planned on attending when I finished high school.
2. Learning how to play the violin, a third language and to surf.
3. Buying a kitten and naming it Bugs.
Well this is the story of how none of them happen, except the part about the kitten. So you might want to remember this day, because it all started with Teo and his beat-up white shirt.

Hi there!
How come this is in the Short Stories section? Shouldn't it be posted as a novel? Alrighty..

Milliseconds overcome centuries, and sure, milliseconds could kill a centuries of bone-breaking work. Scary, right? One millisecond doing all that. Like trust: It takes days, months and even years to build it, and only seconds to lose it. Or soda can pyramids, each and every can perfectly aligned to support the other. But with one of them gone all you're left with is a trashcan instead of a floor. Or love. I know, what do soda cans have anything to do with love? They don't, but I'm still going to talk about it. (Replace this sentence with something else). One day you're you're all good, minding your own business as always, and then you bump into someone, or someone smiles your way, and you are wrecked. Doomed to spending every second of your time thinking about him.

I really liked this as a beginning, especially the soda can pyramid part. It was beautiful and flowed really nicely, except for the parts I stroke out/corrected.

And people think love is so great? I'll tell you what's great. Winning the lottery, that's great.

I'd like more examples of what's great.

'he must be that sort of mysterious/ sensitive/ fond of classic literature kind of guy.

Get rid of the /s, they look weird. Replace them with commas.

Alright, so with the beginning, I was kind of expecting Teo to be something more than just boring. I expected him to be abusive, cruel, a monster, but when she said he was boring, I was like huh? I hope you get what I mean. Maybe that's just me, though. Otherwise, it's a nice beginning, and I look forward to reading more.

Hello there! Welcome to YWS. Okay, your previous reviewer has said pretty much everything so I'm going to be the good cop here and say what was so amazing about this. NOTHING. Hahaha I'm just kidding, just kidding. I loved your story here. It reminded me of Holden Caulfied from the book Catcher in the Rye. It was original and I actually laughed to myself. If you actually manage to get one good emotion from the reader, you're on the right track. I like the main character; we can relate on some subjects. Can't wait to read the rest. Keep me updated

Priceless, I see your point. Thanks and I'll fix those things
Angelknight900, lol thanks, (for playing the good cop) haha...

Please keep it going! It's really good. I enjoyed how it's very character like, please bring this girl out more and continue writing about it!

I really liked this story. It was cute in the not usual way. You could be a little more descriptive in describing this Teo kid but other than that great job!