All right! So, I shall rant for a bit and then...you WILL enjoy it.
STUFF YOU DID WELL:
- AMAZING imagery- indeed, very eloquent and pretty. Especially for what basically amounts to a sex scene.
But...you've heard that much already, so I assume you don't need me to elaborate.
- I also really did like that you did create a sort of haunting effect, even if the plot was fairly simple. It was short, but your audience is going to remember it.
STUFF THAT COULD USE A SECOND LOOK:
- The comment about the 'anklets hinting songs of the ancient' doesn't make a whole lot of sense- unless you're referring to the sound they make against the marble. I would mention that, in any case- otherwise it's just a lot of words for no real purpose.
- If you're hiding from evil, you're also probably hiding from the equivalent of Satan. Redundancy isn't good when you're going for the whole pretty, flowy aspect of prose.
- Fairy-ness is an awkward and sort of 'Well, I didn't know what else to put' phrase for a guy who's really had no problem with words up to this point. I'd change that phrase.
Well! Not much else to say, but you most definitely deserve a cookie. Or at least some points...
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.
Gender:
Points: 890
Reviews: 50