Young Writers Society

Dr. Nutty
The Series

By: Shorty (Amber)



**Please Note this is only a preview before I complete this episode. I want to see what you guys think and how you will like it. If you guys like it there is be plenty more episodes of Dr. Nutty. Please Give me your feedback!! Thanks!!**




[Dr. Nutty] Welcome, Welcome, Hope you have had a good day. How may I help you?

(Takes out a pen and the patients chart and sits down in a chair)

[Patient] Hello Dr. Nutty, I have been feeling a little bit sick and I have been running a temperature of 99.5 degrees. And –

[Dr. Nutty] Goodness, Goodness, oh my Goodness! Sounds like you may have a fever! We need to cool you down before your fever gets too high. If your fever gets too high, then your brain will start sizzling and frying like bacon in a pan for breakfast.

[Patient] But Doctor –

[Dr. Nutty] No need, No need to explain anymore. We need to get you into a cold bath with ice. I’ll be right back!

(Dr. Nutty jumps up and runs out the door with his hands flying in the air)

(The patient sits there unsounded by the way Dr. Nutty is acting)

(Dr. Nutty runs back into the room with bags of ice piled up to his face. While running a bag of ice falls and Dr. Nutty goes down while the bags fly up into the air)

[Dr. Nutty] Don’t worry my dear, Dr. Nutty is here!

(Dr. Nutty grabs the bags of ice and tosses them unto the patient)

[Patient] Dr. Nutty, don’t you think this is a bit much? I mean its only a little fever?

[Dr. Nutty] Goodness, Goodness. My lady please don’t resist. You need help!

[Patient] But –

[Dr. Nutty] Nurse! Nurse! Wee need to restrain this woman! She is refusing help and her brains are about to fry like bacon on Sunday morning!

I'm a doctor?

=P kidding.

Hrmm. There isn't much to go off here, but it sounds like it could be amusing. Try not to try *too* hard to make it quirky, humour is much more effective when it *seems* effortless. That doesn't mean it is, however.

Patient is 'unsounded'? what does that mean? I have never heard that term, that I can remember. Maybe 'unsettled'? 'unconvinced'?
The last 'we' has two 'e's.
I actually like the over the top imagery. Running out of rooms with hands in the air made me giggle.
Hrmm. Let me know when you post more, I would like to see how you expand this.

-Nutty

I thought this script was trying way too hard to be funny. There's a lot of physical humour in this that is somewhat of a cliché. Also, the general idea is overused.

I think the idea of this would be much more successful if you wrote it like a screenplay. Screenplays allow you to write out the setting in italics, the mood of the characters, the appearance of the characters, the demeanour of the characters...etc. If you were going to do a cliché like this, at least make it a good cliché. I would also suggest characterising the patient a little bit more as it seems necessary to the script.

your brain will start sizzling and frying like bacon in a pan for breakfast.

This is only one example of a weak joke.

To make this funny you have to add more subtle humour. The doctor is completely insane, we get that, but emphasise it, give him a more deeper sense of ridiculousness not just the overall physical humour.

This definitely has potential to be funny, but currently, it's lacking. Fix it up a little bit.

Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody

Yo,
I've written comedy scripts for TV for two years before quitting, and all the jokes we used were mind numbing cliches /we had to follow a certain matrix, as you can expect/
So unless one is working for a spearhead show on comedy central or BBC stuff, or for some zany toon, or undergound flash animation, what you have written so far is completely on the level for your run off the mill comedy. Its far from brilliant, but its good enough.
If you can swing it and make a whole plot. Which I'm sure you can.
People here tend for some reason to say 'this is cliche'. Of course it is. Everything is. A non-cliche joke, let alone a whole plot appears once a generation. The rest is just a question of style. I challenge anyone to show me a film or a book which is not cliche. You'll have to dig real hard to find something like that. So anyways, work on the style

[Dr. Nutty] Welcome, Welcome, Hope you have had a good day. How may I help you?

The second welcome and Hope should be completley lower case.


(Takes out a pen and the patients chart and sits down in a chair)

[Patient] Hello Dr. Nutty, I have been feeling a little bit sick and I have been running a temperature of 99.5 degrees. And –

[Dr. Nutty] Goodness, Goodness, oh my Goodness!

Same with caps. Also, I like how you put emphasis on how he repeats words twice or even three times. It's interesting.

[Dr. Nutty] Don’t worry my dear, Dr. Nutty is here!

This made me groan. Cliche, not very humorous, be more creative! Plus, it doesn't rhyme too well.

[quote=[Dr. Nutty] Nurse! Nurse! Wee need to restrain this woman! She is refusing help and her brains are about to fry like bacon on Sunday morning![/quote]

Interesting simile you have there. I personally didn't find it too cliche, but it could be better.

I think you're either not trying at all or trying too hard. Don't use cliches in writing. That advice will get you far, dear. It made me smile but not die of laughter, which of course I didn't expect anyways. After all this is a preview. It does make me want to read more, but iffy. Not something like, "I have to read more of this!"
Bring that feeling, it has potential.
-JD