Young Writers Society

Note: I wrote this just for me and my friends so it's not really intended to be anything thats funny, and thats what I'm realy looking for feed back on it's official name (hahaha "official") is Face full of Sphincter



Bond walks in

Bond: it's good to see you again M. I got your emergency transmission, whats wrong?

M: Our intelligence have received crucial information. It's a matter of international security 007

Bond: Well what is it?
M hands him a VHS tape with either 2g1c, or Two girls one cup written on it. He puts it in the TV and begins to play it while the audio of two girls one cup going on[from behind the TV] bond is disgusted and runs to the bathroom to vomit. Bond renters.

Bond: WHAT THE FUCK!

M: This video has traveled around the Internet at an alarming rate, already over half the world has seen it, including the entire united nations, and the richest most powerful men in the world. This video along with several other videos and images, are the work of a mad genius Dr. Silver Sphincter.

Bond: Alright, but why did you have to show-

M: It's a brain washing video 007, and once activated, the entire world will be ruled by a man with a Silver sphincter (or metallic O-Ring). You are immune (either “due to your extensive training” or “due to a gaping plot hole”)

Bond: Alright but i still don't see why i had to watch-

M: You have to know what your up against! You have to be prepared! Time is of the essence, go on down to see Q Bond nods his head and leaves.

M waits a minute then grabs a hidden camera sits down at the computer says while typing on a youtube screen

M: Bond...Two girls... one cup.. Reaction... This is gonna get so many hits

Bond walks into Q's lab (Aaron's basement)

Bond: Hello Q!

Q: Ahh, 007, i always pleasure myself to seeing you again- i mean always a pleasure to see you again. [Awkward silence]. Lets take a look at your new gadgets shall we? Well the first thing you need to know is that we have modified all of the shirts in your wardrobe.

Bond: Really? How so?

Q: we have placed two tiny containers in each shirt that hold human pheromones, allowing you to seduce anyone, any time, in case you need to find your way out of a “tight” situation.

Bond: and how do i activate the release?

Q: you have to unscrew the caps, to do so you must move your fingers circles on each container in opposing directions.

Bond: and where are these compartments?

Q: on your nipples [confused look from Bond] Next we have these X-ray glasses

bond tries them on

Bond: Q, these don't work...

Q: What? NO! Goddammit Q! When will you learn, that just because a seemingly nice homeless man says they work, doesn't mean they do! (or, Don't trust the advertisements in the back of the comic books!) It's okay... we can just strap an explosive on it. And here we have this pen

shows pen that can write in four colors

Bond: let me guess, the tip serves as a syringe while the red ink is really a tranquilizer, the black ink is poison, the blue ink is the antidote, and the green ink is adrenaline, to pump into someone if their hearts giving out.

Q:..Yeah... we can make it do that...

Bond: Well what does it do now?

Q: it's a pen that writes... IN FOUR DIFFERENT COLORS! DOESNT THAT SHIT BLOW YOUR MIND? Bond sniffs the air

Bond: have you been drinking?

Q: no... throws a bottle labeled vodka in the other direction.

They walk into the garage and walk up to one of the cars

Bond: And it has all the standard features?

Q: What? Thats not yours! Goodness gracious, no, no, no, that's for the important people you get this!

Q pulls out a rusty bike

Bond: Okay... what does this... thing.. have?

Q: Tetanus! I would suggest trying not to go near it if you have any open wounds. And finally these. Holds up a stack of magazines labeled “Gay Porn”

Bond: And I use these... to... what are these for?

Q: Oh, in case you get lonely...

Bond: Q, do you want to tell me something?

Q: No! No!


Bond: Well I'm gonna leave now...

turns to leave but Q grabs his shoulder

Q: You have my Facebook right?

Bond: Yes

turns to leave

Q: and my myspace?

Bond: Yes turns

to leave

Q:and my AIM?

Bond: Yes

turns to leave

Q: and my skype?

Bond: Yes

turns to leave

Q: Email?

Bond: yes...

Q: P.O. Box?

Bond: YES!

Q: Phone number?

Bond: YEEEESSSS!!!

Q: Balls in your mouth?

Bond: YE- What?

Awkward silence screen goes black start theme song and opening credit sequence

Hey Madd! I saw the title and was reading before you could say "A martini shaken, not stirred." I as YWS's resident Bond nut, feel it is my duty to review this so here I go.

Okay so the biggest thing that irked me was the fact it was based totally and completely on sex. Yes, James bond likes to be beneath the sheets as much as he can, and me and my brothers are always joking about Peirce Brosnan being a whore, but this is a little over the top. I love comedy, and I love writing jokes, but when all your punchlines are based on some kind of sexual something or other, it stops being funny, and becomes sick and annoying.

Bond: Well I'm gonna leave now...

Turns to leave but Q grabs his shoulder.

Q: You have my Facebook right?

Bond: Yes

Turns to leave again
Q: and my myspace?

Bond: Yes

turns to leave

Q: And my AIM?

Bond: Yes

turns to leave

Q: And my skype?

Bond: Yes

turns to leave

Q: Email?

Bond: Yes...

Q: P.O. Box?

Bond: YES!

Q: Phone number?

Bond: YEEEESSSS!!!

Q: Balls in your mouth?

Bond: YE- What?

Now this would actually be funny if the end wasn't quite so lewd. Now I fixed it to the way a play format should be, because that was another thing that really bugged me about this.

Remember capitalization, and when doing action I like to put it in italics because it sets it apart from the dialogue. I'm not sure if that's what you're supposed to do, but whatever.

Q: What? NO! Goddammit Q! When will you learn, that just because a seemingly nice homeless man says they work, doesn't mean they do! (or, Don't trust the advertisements in the back of the comic books!) It's okay... we can just strap an explosive on it.

I like the second part way better, but that might just be because I'm nerdy xD.

And here we have this pen.

Shows pen that can write in four colors

Bond: Let me guess, the tip serves as a syringe while the red ink is really a tranquilizer, the black ink is poison, the blue ink is the antidote, and the green ink is adrenaline, to pump into someone if their hearts gives out.

Q:..Yeah... we can could make it do that...

Bond: Well what does it do now?

Q: It's a pen that writes... IN FOUR DIFFERENT COLORS! DOESN'T THAT SHIT BLOW YOUR MIND?

Bond sniffs the air.

Bond: have you been drinking?

I LOVE this! It's perfect! See this is the kind of thing I'm talking about, you got something really funny without it being about sex. I also fixed it to the way it should look .


So yeah, I think this could be extremely funny if you focused on it being more on Bond, and less on gay sex.

Good luck and keep writing! Also PM me if there's going to be a next part!

~Hope