Young Writers Society

Wellp, here's Scene Two for you all! Enjoy ^_^





CASSIDY: Those pants looked absolutely gorgeous on you, not to mention that silk top. They definitely compliment your figure, which I am very sure Chet will be pleased with.

MICHAELA: (laughing) Yes, he will. I just wish he would have come along.

CASSIDY: Me too, but they obviously have much higher priorities. Michaela, are you nearly as excited for tonight's concert as I am? It's going to be a blast! I hope they sing-



ARTY: Witch guys, witch! Don't startle the witch! Evan, turn off your flashlight.

CHET: Can I startle her?

LEON: I thought it was my turn to startle the witch.

ARTY: Don't startle the witch!



MICHAELA: Zombies guys, really? We've been gone for for hours, have you moved at all?

EVAN: Yes.

LEON: No.

ARTY: Maybe.

CHET: Of course we've moved Micky. I've gone to the bathroom once, Evan's grabbed us drinks, Leon's left the room a number of times to go yell at his girlfriend, and Arty got up to change the game.

LEON: Let's not bring up the girlfriend.

CHET: Stop being so touchy feely Leon.

LEON: You don't understand Chet.

CHET: Have you forgotten who I'm dating?

MICHAELA: Hey (fuming) That's it! I can't take you four anymore!

CHET: Sweetie, are you almost done? We've been paused for five minutes now and that witch just really needs to die.



CASSIDY: Evan, I have your stupid Chinese food.

EVAN: Awesome! You remembered. Bring it to me, please?



EVAN: Can you take it out of the bag for me?



EVAN: Hey! What about my Chinese food?

LEON: Witch!

First off, I have no idea where the story is going, or where it came from, but this scene by itself is awesome! It very funny, reminds myself of my own obsession with video games, and ends very nicely with that last 'Witch!' touch. I'm going off to read part one now!
*Likes*

Hey there, I reviewed Scene One, I figured I would come back for a second taste!

We've been gone for for hours,

Um...yeah, I think you mean the number four, not the preposition for.

Of course we've moved Micky.

Just figured that you do need a comma after ‘moved.’


OVERALL, this is a really amusing play, especially once you started talking about the witch. The throwing in of the word ‘Witch’ every now and again is really amusing, most especially at the end.

So good job and I hope there’s more to this. If there is, please let me know!

~lilymoore

I really like how you're visualizing the stage at the beginning of this scene (the yell of "WITCH!" crossing over from the living room to the girls at the mall)! Playing with space like this is one of my favorite parts of theater =)

I'm still having trouble liking the characters. To me, all the boys seem like ungrateful jerks and all the girls seem like high-maintenance brats. Of course, they might all start out that way, but maybe one or two of them will have a redeeming quality by the final act? For instance, at least Evan says "please" in this scene (though I thought it was Arty who had asked for it?).

I'd definitely recommend that you kick up the action/plot develpment. Maybe cut right to the concert? If something big happens in between, it's likely that you can integrate it into this scene anyway.

I also like that you're considering what people are doing in the background. For example, while Arty and Michaela are chatting near the beginning of the scene, Michaela drops her bag and reorients herself in the room. I don't want to encourage too much over-directing, but I'd say the more of this the better. Otherwise, it's all too easy to end up with talking heads sitting around a television. Is there anything someone can do in the background that maybe foreshadows events further along in the story?

Good luck as you continue! These projects are always so exciting