Young Writers Society

Scene 1
Kara: (standing up) Hello, and welcome to Rock Talk, I am your host Kara Combs. Today on Rock Talk we have 2 special guests, Shale Sally and Basalt Betsy! First on the show we have Shale Sally! Lets welcome her with a nice applause. (claps and sits down)
Alexis: (comes into view & bows) Thanks everyone, that sounded like such a warm welcome!
Kara: Well we're happy to have you! To start off, how did you get the name Shale Sally?
Alexis: Well see my name is Sally, and my type of rock is Shale. Shale is a sedimentary rock, which means rocks made from water pressure, also underwater. Also I am a clastic rock, which means I am made of sediments. Sediments are tiny pieces of minerals, and/or pieces of other rocks, such as sand.
Kara: I understand that there are two other groups of sedimentary rocks?
Alexis: There sure are!
Kara: Could you tell us about them?
Alexis: I will be happy to tell you about them. One of the other types of sedimentary rocks is called organic, which means made from dead plants and/or animals parts, a common rock would be simply coal. Then, there is chemical sedimentary rocks, where rocks are formed by chemicals, such as rock salt you throw on your driveways to melt snow and ice.
Kara: Can you describe what your kind of rock normally looks like since your a famous star, which mean you probably get all glamed up and stuff.
Alexis: Honey, this is my real look. But most un-famous shale rocks look very dark, black.
Kara: Fascinating! Well, I would love to talk to you more Sally, but our time is up. We hope we can have you on Rock Talk again soon.
Alexis: I do too, I really enjoyed it. ( gets up and walks over by lockers, sit if wanted to)
Kara: (stands up) Next up is Basalt Betsy! Stay tuned.
Scene 2
Kara: (still standing) Hello, and welcome back to Rock Talk. The next Rock-star is Basalt Betsy, lets welcome her! (claps)
Madison: (walks in front of the smart board, waves, sits down)
Kara: Hello Basalt Betsy it is an honor to have you here with us today.
Madison: It should be. (smiles, waves more, stop waving)
Kara: Okay to get start off, I want to know, what kind of a rock are you?
Madison: (use your hands) a Beautiful, Basalt Betsy, igneous, extrusive rock.
Kara: could you describe what you mean by that?
Madison: Of course, see ( show me your left cheek and point) I applied blush to the top left corner-
Kara: Sorry to cut in but, I mean what you meant by Basalt, igneous, and extrusive.
Madison: (say this part stubbornly) Oh, well, I guess so. (talk normal now) My type of rock is Basalt it is a glassy kind of rock and have small crystals, and also the most beautiful kind of rock.
Kara: Now what about Igneous, and extrusive?
Madison: Igneous means I am formed by lava. Extrusive means formed outside of the volcano, as lava not magma.
Kara: Do some igneous rocks form inside of a volcano?
Madison: Well, the really dumb and stupid ones do, to be fabulous, you have to be extrusive.
Kara: Could you just me the facts?
Madison: ( say with attitude) Well, there almost facts, but whateve. (talk normal) Some rocks are formed inside the volcano, called intrusive rocks. They are formed by magma, not lava even thought their the same thing.
Kara: Could you give us some samples of these intrusive rocks?
Madison: Well there is stupid Sam, Backward Benny, Confusing Conny-
Kara: I mean the types of rocks, not their names and nicknames.
Madison: Oh. Well, there is Diorite, Gabbro, Granite, Pegmatite-
Kara: (holds hand to ear) Oh no!
Madison: What happened?
Kara: The air conditioning broke, so it might get really hot, Since it is the hottest day of the year!.
Madison: I was made by a volcano, not heat and jack me up.
Kara: I have a fan, so I won't get too hot.
Madison: Okay whateve, but see if you-
scene 3
Alexis: (falls down)
Kara: (runs over to her, and helps Mason up) Oh my gosh are you alright?
Mason: Yeah I think so, wait! That isn't my voice! (looks down) I wasn't this color! What happened to me?
Madison: She's fine now lets talk about me!
Kara: (ignores her) You better sit over her with the fan, Sally?(brings mason to the chair)
Madison: (gets up and walk to lockers by Alexis)
Mason: (sits) At least my face is the same! (smiles)
Kara: (sits) Yeah about that.. (hands mason mirror)
Mason: WHAT!?!?! How could this be? What am I now? What happened? Am I cursed? Am I going to be like this forever?
Kara: No, and Yes, I think I've discovered what happened. I've been searching about rocks, for Rock Talk, in case our Rock is very stupid, and doesn't know a thing about him or her self. Also what I have just witnessed is that you've changed rock type/
Mason: Again WHAT?!?!?
Kara: Just relax, I was studying about rocks, and sadly only got to metamorphic, rocks, didn't study much or at all about igneous or sedimentary rocks. All rocks eventually change types. Basically like how humans grow older.
Mason: (sarcasm) Oh great! Now I'm old. Any more good news?
Kara: I never said you were old, and yes there is. You looks pretty much the same as you did, except some er small er things.
Mason: I feel and I think I look different.
Kara: Yeah, anyway you were shale correct?
Mason: Yeah.
Kara; That means you have turned into Slate.
Mason: What is slate?
Kara: It's the type of metamorphic rock.
Mason: ( un-sure in voice) So, I am now Slate, a type of metamorphic rock?
Kara: Correct.
Mason: What about the different types of metamorphic rock? Like organic and chemical in sedimentary.
Kara: Yes foliated and non-foliated kinds of metamorphic rocks
Mason: Which kind am I?
Kara: You are foliated, which stands for having a layered or banded look. By banded look I mean you look like you have different color layers but you really don't.
Mason: What do non-foliated metamorphic rocks look like?
Kara: They look have layers, or a banded look, such as marble and quartzite. They are both metamorphic rocks without layers or a banded look.
Mason: Really? This sounds cool.
Kara: It is too, and guess what? I think you need a new name, instead of shale Sally because you aren't shale anymore. Betsy do you have any ideas?
Madison: That little piece of rubbish, cut into my scene. You may as well me Sam, sound simple, stupid, and mean.
Kara: Wait, I think that sounds pretty good you do, Slate Sam?
Mason: yeah, I like it, sounds cool, and simple, thanks Madison (walks over to Madison, puts out hand)
Madison: (turns your back to him)
Kara: (stares at clock) Whoa, it is time for us to wrap things up for the next show. Next Top Rockstar, don't miss it folks. I hear that Tammy is going to win, but who knows? Thanks for watching Rock Talks, the talking rock show, um I mean-
Mason: The only show that you can see changes! Bye! (waves)
Kara: (smiles and waves) Thats a wrap!
Madison ( runs in front of Kara and Mason, blows kisses, say really fast) Don't forget to watch me on rockstar legends, it is supposed to be super good. It is all about my beautiful life, reality TV, the critics rated it no stars, but do they really matter? I don't really think so it is on at 5:00 on this channel that doesn't even have a name but I know I'll get lots of view-
Mason: (goes by lockers)
Kara: Betsy, the-
Madison: Sh! This could be my big moment, see my life is really crazy and full of awesomeness, so-
Kara (yelling) Betsy the show has been off for 5 minutes now.
Madison: Oh, well, huff. (stamps off to the lockers)

Hey there!

I remember learning about all the different kinds of rocks and yes I do believe that is how you spell them. I thought it was a clever script and very creative. I think you got across all of the information you needed to without sounding too forced. Well, any more forced than it should be.

That all aside, I'm not sure if you're handing in the script or not, but if so I do recommend going through it looking for some spelling errors. There are a few minor ones but otherwise it looks fine. One thing did confuse me as a reader though and I think it's worth mentioning at least. I think you used the actual person's name instead of the character name in the dialogue. It kind of confused me when 'Alexis' is talking for 'Shale Sally'. It made it a bit hard to follow. Again, if this isn't handed in, then it's not that important but since you are concerned with spelling then that should be fixed as well. At the top of the page, you can list all the characters along with who played them as with normal script format (just look at one of mine if you are confused).

My other point is more of consistency. You weren't very consistant with the stage directions.

Madison: (walks in front of the smart board, waves, sits down)

That is the way stage directions normally are. In the third person, quick and to the point (usually).

Of course, see ( show me your left cheek and point) I applied blush to the top left corner

This stage direction was in the first person. When I saw it, it stood out and confused me a bit making it a little harder to read. Just something to look out for. It was a bad problem, just something that makes reading it a bit harder.

I should also mention setting up the scene for future works. I don't think it will be as important right now (the performance should speak for itself) but for the readers who don't see it, they need to know how the set looks. This is usually at the beginning of a scene (unless nothing changes) that tells the reader what the room looks like. Chairs, tables, desk, ect. It also tells how it's set up. Sometimes this can be left vague (typical middle-class house in the mide 1990's for example would be good enough).

Other than that, it was a really good scene. My only concerns are mainly technical, but the scenes themselves look good. Keep writing!!

...........I'm not sure how to review this. Are you turning this in, or are you simply performing it in front of the class? (And by "turning this in" I mean, when you perform, do you have to hand this to the teacher?)

As for the written work, it's riddled with spelling mistakes and missed punctuation, which I'm sure you can easily spot if you just go back and proofread your work again. (There's at least five typos in the introduction alone, which is a turn-off (if you'll pardon the expression, please) for anyone who wants to read your work.)

As for the content of this piece (which, since you say it's a report on rocks, I'm assuming is the most important) I think you did very well. You utilized humor in making your report interesting, and you covered the facts very nicely. I like how you made each person a rock, and how, even when you go off on a humorous tangent, another character keeps the wayward actress on task. :3

It brings me to wonder-- will the girls portraying the rocks be wearing costumes? Will those costumes be complete with makeup? How will you show the change in Sally Shale to your classroom audience? Do you have time to redo her makeup? I'm curious about how you guys will do all of this.

And the heat-change was rather brilliant, by the way. You conveyed the facts in an interesting, humorous way that should be fairly memorable for the rest of your classmates.

One thing about the script: I'm not really familiar with scripts in general, but I don't think you really need so much description for the person's actions. For instance, in one place, you say a girl sits down in front of a smartboard. Great, fine-- I don't think it's necessary to indicate where she's sitting, though. (I could be wrong.) Same thing for the demeanor descriptors, such as: "(say this part stubbornly)"
I think "(stubbornly)" would work just as well. Same for the next part-- I'd use "(normally)" instead of "(talk normal again)". For one thing, "talk normal again" is bad grammar. For another thing, it conveys the same thing, and doesn't clutter up the script with unnecessary explanation.

Overall, I think you did a good job on this, and I hope you do well!

THanks guys, I am proferming this, with my club members. I hope to get a good grade.

KCunder wrote:Scene 1
Kara: (standing up) Hello, and welcome to Rock Talk, I am your host Kara Combs. Today on Rock Talk we have 2 special guests, Shale Sally and Basalt Betsy! First on the show we have Shale Sally! Lets welcome her with a nice applause. (claps and sits down)
Alexis: (comes into view & bows) Thanks everyone, that sounded like such a warm welcome!
Kara: Well we're happy to have you! To start off, how did you get the name Shale Sally?
Alexis: Well see my name is Sally, and my type of rock is Shale. Shale is a sedimentary rock, which means rocks made from water pressure, also underwater. Also I am a clastic rock, which means I am made of sediments. Sediments are tiny pieces of minerals, and/or pieces of other rocks, such as sand.
Kara: I understand that there are two other groups of sedimentary rocks?
Alexis: There sure are!
Kara: Could you tell us about them?
Alexis: I will be happy to tell you about them. One of the other types of sedimentary rocks is called organic, which means made from dead plants and/or animals parts, a common rock would be simply coal. Then, there is chemical sedimentary rocks, where rocks are formed by chemicals, such as rock salt you throw on your driveways to melt snow and ice.
Kara: Can you describe what your kind of rock normally looks like since your a famous star, which mean you probably get all glamed up and stuff.
Alexis: Honey, this is my real look. But most un-famous shale rocks look very dark, black.
Kara: Fascinating! Well, I would love to talk to you more Sally, but our time is up. We hope we can have you on Rock Talk again soon.
Alexis: I do too, I really enjoyed it. ( gets up and walks over by lockers, sit if wanted to)
Kara: (stands up) Next up is Basalt Betsy! Stay tuned.
Scene 2
Kara: (still standing) Hello, and welcome back to Rock Talk. The next Rock-star is Basalt Betsy, lets welcome her! (claps)
Madison: (walks in front of the smart board, waves, sits down)
Kara: Hello Basalt Betsy it is an honor to have you here with us today.
Madison: It should be. (smiles, waves more, stop waving)
Kara: Okay to get start off, I want to know, what kind of a rock are you?
Madison: (use your hands) a Beautiful, Basalt Betsy, igneous, extrusive rock.
Kara: could you describe what you mean by that?
Madison: Of course, see ( show me your left cheek and point) I applied blush to the top left corner-
Kara: Sorry to cut in but, I mean what you meant by Basalt, igneous, and extrusive.
Madison: (say this part stubbornly) Oh, well, I guess so. (talk normal now) My type of rock is Basalt it is a glassy kind of rock and have small crystals, and also the most beautiful kind of rock.
Kara: Now what about Igneous, and extrusive?
Madison: Igneous means I am formed by lava. Extrusive means formed outside of the volcano, as lava not magma.
Kara: Do some igneous rocks form inside of a volcano?
Madison: Well, the really dumb and stupid ones do, to be fabulous, you have to be extrusive.
Kara: Could you just me the facts?
Madison: ( say with attitude) Well, there almost facts, but whateve. (talk normal) Some rocks are formed inside the volcano, called intrusive rocks. They are formed by magma, not lava even thought their the same thing.
Kara: Could you give us some samples of these intrusive rocks?
Madison: Well there is stupid Sam, Backward Benny, Confusing Conny-
Kara: I mean the types of rocks, not their names and nicknames.
Madison: Oh. Well, there is Diorite, Gabbro, Granite, Pegmatite-
Kara: (holds hand to ear) Oh no!
Madison: What happened?
Kara: The air conditioning broke, so it might get really hot, Since it is the hottest day of the year!.
Madison: I was made by a volcano, not heat and jack me up.
Kara: I have a fan, so I won't get too hot.
Madison: Okay whateve, but see if you-
scene 3
Alexis: (falls down)
Kara: (runs over to her, and helps Mason up) Oh my gosh are you alright?
Mason: Yeah I think so, wait! That isn't my voice! (looks down) I wasn't this color! What happened to me?
Madison: She's fine now lets talk about me!
Kara: (ignores her) You better sit over her with the fan, Sally?(brings mason to the chair)
Madison: (gets up and walk to lockers by Alexis)
Mason: (sits) At least my face is the same! (smiles)
Kara: (sits) Yeah about that.. (hands mason mirror)
Mason: WHAT!?!?! How could this be? What am I now? What happened? Am I cursed? Am I going to be like this forever?
Kara: No, and Yes, I think I've discovered what happened. I've been searching about rocks, for Rock Talk, in case our Rock is very stupid, and doesn't know a thing about him or her self. Also what I have just witnessed is that you've changed rock type/
Mason: Again WHAT?!?!?
Kara: Just relax, I was studying about rocks, and sadly only got to metamorphic, rocks, didn't study much or at all about igneous or sedimentary rocks. All rocks eventually change types. Basically like how humans grow older.
Mason: (sarcasm) Oh great! Now I'm old. Any more good news?
Kara: I never said you were old, and yes there is. You looks pretty much the same as you did, except some er small er things.
Mason: I feel and I think I look different.
Kara: Yeah, anyway you were shale correct?
Mason: Yeah.
Kara; That means you have turned into Slate.
Mason: What is slate?
Kara: It's the type of metamorphic rock.
Mason: ( un-sure in voice) So, I am now Slate, a type of metamorphic rock?
Kara: Correct.
Mason: What about the different types of metamorphic rock? Like organic and chemical in sedimentary.
Kara: Yes foliated and non-foliated kinds of metamorphic rocks
Mason: Which kind am I?
Kara: You are foliated, which stands for having a layered or banded look. By banded look I mean you look like you have different color layers but you really don't.
Mason: What do non-foliated metamorphic rocks look like?
Kara: They look have layers, or a banded look, such as marble and quartzite. They are both metamorphic rocks without layers or a banded look.
Mason: Really? This sounds cool.
Kara: It is too, and guess what? I think you need a new name, instead of shale Sally because you aren't shale anymore. Betsy do you have any ideas?
Madison: That little piece of rubbish, cut into my scene. You may as well me Sam, sound simple, stupid, and mean.
Kara: Wait, I think that sounds pretty good you do, Slate Sam?
Mason: yeah, I like it, sounds cool, and simple, thanks Madison (walks over to Madison, puts out hand)
Madison: (turns your back to him)
Kara: (stares at clock) Whoa, it is time for us to wrap things up for the next show. Next Top Rockstar, don't miss it folks. I hear that Tammy is going to win, but who knows? Thanks for watching Rock Talks, the talking rock show, um I mean-
Mason: The only show that you can see changes! Bye! (waves)
Kara: (smiles and waves) Thats a wrap!
Madison ( runs in front of Kara and Mason, blows kisses, say really fast) Don't forget to watch me on rockstar legends, it is supposed to be super good. It is all about my beautiful life, reality TV, the critics rated it no stars, but do they really matter? I don't really think so it is on at 5:00 on this channel that doesn't even have a name but I know I'll get lots of view-
Mason: (goes by lockers)
Kara: Betsy, the-
Madison: Sh! This could be my big moment, see my life is really crazy and full of awesomeness, so-
Kara (yelling) Betsy the show has been off for 5 minutes now.
Madison: Oh, well, huff. (stamps off to the lockers)

KCunder, comments by past reviewers are key on spelling mistakes and questions towards punctuation and grammar.

Consider this: what is your point here? Why do you articulate actions by characters and give the cast an appearance at diversity in actions? What is the focus of the interactions to the end? And why do you focus on rocks? I get the feeling this was written for a grade and you had fun, going on and on further and further into the design of the play.

So now that you've done it, what did you learn? It's extremely tiresome and time-consuming to keep dialogue interesting when it gets detailed and technical, when it becomes inundated in aspects and qualities of tangible, physical things. Why am I listening to this? I could read it, but it would bore me as well. I listen to things to stir up emotions and show and make me feel drama.

Your premise isn't stirring anything inside of me. Where is the drama that captivates and disfigures my very desire to live? Where do I love someone I will never understand and never meet truly and never once touch and never once live in the same time and space? Where do we all feel that continuous fear and dread? What of the tragedy when my fears are justified, when my suspicions are made real, and my insecurities fulfilled and I am dropped off the canyon side and I must watch the character before me live out the same action I have ruminated for years, but only think I remember in nightmares. And I am happy because I think the nightmares temporary, only at night, and I never remember them; BUT, they are there.

SO, take a step back. Your goal is obvious. That said, be more adventurous. Don't make this an info prompt, did you know format, unless you must get a grade, but then, do you need critique for that to work? Not at all. In the future, take the information you've compiled and use it to connect to new things in script writing.