Young Writers Society

I used to post my, well I'm not even sure what they were, on another site. I decided to go back and re-read what I had written before and, needless to say, decided to post something on here; Mostly just to humor myself, but also to look back and see if I've changed my writing style.

ps.I wasn't entirely sure where to post it and I left it exactly as it was.


It's like having a collar around my neck, with several different leashes attached.Testing out the length of one leash, only results in getting pulled short by a shorter leash,causing the collar to tighten it's current hold on my neck. Unable to get enough air I frantically try to pry the collar off, or at least loosen it, to no avail. Forcing myself to calm down, I am able to learn to breath again, even though I am only able to take in a bit of oxygen at a time. Next time,Iattempt to walk to the end of the shortest leash, only to find it shorter than I expected, causing the leash to strain, and the collar to tighten, pinching my skin and worse, cutting off my air. Completely delirious with fear I claw at my neck in hope to get air into my desperate aching lungs. With no success,I find my sight dimming and my fear slowly fading along with it. Laying on the cold pavement, I can feel it vibrating as the sounds of footsteps continues to get louder.Incapable of moving, I can do nothing but listen to the silent cries, the hectic pleads and the ear-piercing scolding of the thousands of voices echoing around me.I'm dead.When my mind suddenly grasps the horrible notion, I cannot help but smile on the inside. All I ever wanted was to be free of those leashes that held me back. Without anyone's help I managed to free myself. Inspite of this huge accomplishment, I find myself frowning. Looking around, I begin to notice I was free of nothing. Standing alone in the pitch black, with nothing under me, or around me, I feel tears start to cascade down my face. I was still unable to go anywhere, but instead of leashes holding me back from places, I was capable of walking forever,without ever finding anything. The collar around my neck ceased to exist, but the blackness seemed to take its' spot, making me feel like where ever I was, Iwas being suffocated by it. Closing my eyes as tears streamed down my face more heavily, I wished Iwas still alive. Pleaded to go back, back to the terrifying feeling of the leather collar wrapped around my neck. With a sudden gasp, fresh air filled my lungs as if for the first time and my eyes shot open to see a world of true beauty. Standing there in the waist high grass of a meadow, looking at the gentle river that curved graciously through the soft earth in front of me and the breathtaking red and purple colored sky as the sun slowly began to rise right before my eyes I was in awe. With my right hand pressed over my heart,I silently wept. Completely astounded to find out this was the same world I had been more than ready to leave behind without a second thought. "Thank you" I whispered into the breeze, grateful fora second chance.

Hey there,

Sorry this is a flying review


I like your story, it has some good emotions in it. Throughout the piece there are a few missed out spaces where I don't think you have hit the space bar. ( for example fora should be for a ... etc.) I also think it might be a good idea to maybe split the piece into a few (2-3) paragraphs. Just because when I started to read it the first thing I noticed was that it looked long.
On another note some of your sentences could be broken up into a new sentence instead of putting in a comma (If you get what I mean).
However I like the emotions in the piece and your descriptions are great

Can't wait to read more of your work

This is beautiful. I love the desperation in the story and then the resolve at the end. You've got the length and the detail just right and I was able to relate to the concept.

This is quite nice!

The emotion in the piece really comes out. The writing style is quite nice, too.
Although, It would be nice to spread it out into paragraphs, so it's not all smashed together.

It was a nice read, and I would love to see more of your work!

I noticed (like nyx) there were a few places where I think your space bar was being mean. A spell/grammar check could help with that.
Also:

Pleaded to go back, back to the terrifying feeling of the leather collar wrapped around my neck.

This sounds a little awkward. You might consider putting an "I" at the beginning of the sentence.

Overall this was a very good piece of writing that I really enjoyed reading. Thank you for posting it.

I agree. Breaking it up into paragraphs would make it both look better and be easier to read. Also, great emotion shown here.
Keep writing,
Bel