Young Writers Society

I.
I have done all those things you want to do.
Fucked all the pretty girls you want to.
Got high with the guys you want to.
Been beaten by the pricks who hate you.
I've seen things you wouldn't believe.
Done things you couldn't believe.
Rode this son of a bitch that I call life,
That you fools think is a dream.
I.
I have learnt.
So much much from failing.
That I gave up on winning.
By playing by the rules.
And loosing everything.
I don't want to be like you, with your pathetic perception on right and wrong.
I want to be the truth. I want to see the truth.
I don't want to be pretty, I want to be harsh. Save your English for the dullest cunt who turns his head.
I'm bitter. I know. But isn't this what you want? This is real, this is life, a fucking trip through a fucking conscience that doesn't fit at all, into your standards and expectations, into your toned down faux paragraphs, it's ironic and it's beautiful but it's a god damn ugly sight to see.
It's jumpy and uneven, it's broken, don't try fix it, if you want it smooth and flowing and clear then go jump into the nearest river.
This is the ocean son, come drown with all the big dogs.
I hope you enjoy your repressed lusts, because soon they're going to burst out of your eyes. Blood. Thick blood. Then we'll see what bitch hides in your heart.
This is change. And this boy, is pain.
Welcome to the real world, where your words, well they don't mean shit.

Depressing and harsh but at the same time you've done really well here!
I liked the layout of the poem, and the way you altered it to reinforce your words.
I did noticed one thig though, but it's only minor:

ethanswish wrote:I don't want to be like you, with your pathetic perception on right and wrong.

I think this should be 'perception of right and wrong'. But that's really your call. Good poem, and keep on typing!
Icy.

Harsh ye truthful in a way. It's a nice poem and has a nice flow. The format is very different and unique, I like it. Keep on writing!

Wow. Interesting. The form is very unique. I don't wanna be picky about minor things, but...

I have learnt.

So much much from failing.

That I gave up on winning.

By playing by the rules.

And loosing everything.

I don't like that you used only periods. They mess up with the flow. Maybe you should put some commas or skip them at all.

And true, this is harsh and a bit depressing, but it keeps it real. It's a nice stain on the sheet of perfect, cheesy and happy-ending love stories. Good one. Really good.

--Eve