Young Writers Society

This was so totally an English assignment.

Act I: Tibalt and Juliet
Tibalt: Yo, Juliet.
Juliet: ‘Sup, cuz?
Tibalt: Wel I wuz ch@n wit Abraham n do u wnt to kno wut those gud fer nuttin mntagues did in Verona 2day?
Juliet: Wut?
Tibalt: 1 of them flipped the finger n mocked us Capulets!
Juliet: NO WAI!
Tibalt: YA! RLY! He wuz Tweeting as it happened.
Juliet: OMG
Tibalt: I KNO!
Juliet: Srry I g2g. Mom is calling.
Tibalt: K. TTYL
Juliet: TTYL

Act I: Benvolio and Mercutio

Mercutio1594: So wuts up wit Romeo boy?
Benvolio: Ah, he seems to be in quite the predicament. See, he fell in love with a nun.
Mercutio1594: OIC. Remnds me o the time wen I had a luv uffair wit a membr of the clerjee.
Benvolio: You misspelled “clergy.” And you had a love affair with a priest?
Mercutio1594: EW NO!
Benvolio: A monk, then?
Mercutio1594: …
Benvolio: Mercutio?

Mercutio1594 has put you on ignore.

Act II: Romeo and Juliet

Romeo: Hi.
Juliet: Who r u?
Romeo: I am your knight in shining armor, my lady, the one who shall always be by your side no matter the danger, for my heart has hopelessly fallen for your grace and beauty. Yes, those eyes of yours twinkle like the brightest stars and your cheeks – as well as the rest of your face - put those stars to shame. I would love nothing more tha--
Juliet: …?
Romeo: Ah, my apologies. I typed too many characters and it cut me off.
Juliet: Thts wut ch@speek is 4.
Romeo: But I would not dare to speak so informally to my one true love, especially since it is our first time conversing.
Juliet: Dnt wry. Its cool.
Say, rnt u tht mntague who wuz @ the parT?
Romeo: I shall be a Montague if you wish.
Juliet: Thts not rly helpful.
How did u get this # neway?
Romeo: True love knows no bounds, my angel.
Juliet: Is tht so, my prince? Thn I hope 1 as devoted as u wil not mind me askin a small favor.
Romeo: Anything for you, my dear.
Juliet: Y dnt u cum to my bedroom blcony 2night? If tru luv is as strng as u say it is u shuld hav no truble getting heer.
Romeo: Truth be told, my fair lady, I’m actually sitting atop the wall to the Capulet orchard.
Juliet: NO WAI! Lemme look!
OICU! HIIII!!! :DDDDDD
Romeo: Fear not, dear angel, I shall be at your side in the blink of an eye.
Juliet: K. Looking 4ward 2 it! :D

Act III: Benvolio and Mercutio

Mercutio1594: OMG BENVOLIO HELP ME!11!!1!111!!1!!!!
Benvolio: Mercutio? No longer ignoring me, I see. What ails you, pray tell?
Mercutio1594: I’VE BIN STABBED!!!!!1111!1!!1!!!1!11
Benvolio: Correction: been.
And go find a doctor.
Mercutio1594: Dude, not funy!
Benvolio: Mercutio. Go. Find. A. Doctor.
Mercutio1594: A plague on both your houses!
Benvolio: …What did I do to you?
Mercutio1594: O srry wrng ch@ windw.
Benvolio: I see. Well, good luck with your boo-boo.
…
Mercutio?

Mercutio1594 has been disconnected.

Act V: Paris vs. Romeo

Paris: YOU! Out of all the people I could meet at this holy place the least likely has shown his face! Begone, malefactor! I shall not allow you to vandalize the grave of my late love.
Romeo: Hah! Juliet would never love a fool such as you! If anything I should be the one stopping you from vandalizing her final resting place.
Paris: I see. So that’s the way it has to be. Very well, then! We shall settle this like gentlemen!
Romeo: I concur!
Paris: I roll a sixteen.
Romeo: I got a four.
Paris: Hah! Initiative, cur! Havat thee! I roll a fourteen! A hit!
Romeo: Trees! Plus five to dodge!
Paris: Clever convict. I miss!
Romeo: An opening! I lunge for attack. A natural twenty! Eat charisma-based damage, gentle man!
Paris: AGH! I see you have an affinity for word play, my advocacy, but I, too, am of the dashing swordsman class. I retreat! Thirty feet per round movement rate.
Romeo: Curses! I only have twenty-five. I pursue for fifty feet! Spot check! Nothing? I move on.
Paris: Initiative bonus! I attack from the bushes. A nineteen! What’s the matter, Romeo? Disappointed that I now have a hedge against you?
Romeo: NGH! Not as disappointed as I would be if I lacked a limb trimmer! Attack! A nineteen. Critical hit!
Paris: AAAAGGGGHHH!
Romeo: Any last words before your hit point total reaches negative ten?
Paris: My only wish… Is that I be buried beside… my beloved Juliet…

Paris has been disconnected.

Romeo: You fought honorably, my rival, as a true dashing swordsman should. I shall do as you ask.

Romeo took Paris’ phone.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS.

Fantastic. Literally fantastic.

I really have nothing to change, other than the fact that it's Tybalt, not Tibalt. That might be on purpose, though, because it's his screen name.

Oh, Romeo and Juliet in chat speak. I give it an A+.

Do you think you could do more scenes? While this is good for an assignment, I (and many others) would love it if you maybe went through the play and added the most important scenes? I think Nurse, Friar, the Capulets and Montagues, and the Prince should be previewed, if you decide to add.

Genuine HILARITY, darling. Love it.

~Taylor

I loved it!
I honestly just finished reading romeo and juliet so it's funny to see this up here x)
I agree with ErBear, It would be awesome to see some more of this^^
My favorite part was the last one, I was laughing so hard at the 'duel' soooo good x)
but yeah again (because one time is not enough for this awesomeness) I LOVED IT <3

Hey,
If you don't mind, I'll review for you today.

The title kind of caught my atention as I've just finished looking over Romeo and Juliet in hell of detail for my leaving school exams. Thats irrelevant though as I'm here to dump some hopefully helpful words on you.
Well, on your story.

Alright, Firstly-Even if it was an assignment I found this quite a unique post and one I haven't seen around before. I thought, it funny, informative and attractive, in it's presentation and general idea. You really pulled it together quite well and even though, it was short it seemed to end alright. The only thing I'd say is that, as we know, Romeo and Juliet is based on love, passion, desire and more love. There was really nothing about any passion or love in this at all.
I mean, I know it's hard to interpret such deep emotions into instant messaging but it's not hard enough not to have any at all.

What I would try and do, is work on adding in another glimpse of the play but with more connection with the play itself and of course, the charchters that the great William Shakespere created. That way, we'll be able to understand Romeo and Juliet better in a fun way, as you really got that humorous side across while giving a good dose of information.

As a critique, I'd say you need to polish this a bit. Too much exclamation marks can make things look real tacky!!!! Which isn't the look you really want. Also, I know quite a bit about text talk, but at the beginning your chat was sometimes quite confusing. Remember that, even though it's a fun piece, it also has to be neat, professional and easy enough to understand and read.

So, to finish I'll just add a bit of advice. Try and give as much information as you can, as the way you wrote this was quite enjoyable but needs a good bit of editing and looking over. I would suggest you, re-read and edit. Hopefully then you'll have a fun, neat and tidy, understandable and very effective way of portraying the lives of Romeo and his beloved Juliet.

All in all, its a good idea that hasn't yet been let fill its full potential. In time, it could be so I hope you work hard and improve on it.

Good luck!

Of course, if this reviews leaves you with any questions please leave a comment on my wall and I'll explain the best I can.

Keep writing,

Kagi x

HILARIOUS! I even showed my friend, we couldn't cease laughing! This is one of the most creative interpretation of Romeo & Juliet I've read!

Favorite quote #1:

Benvolio: You misspelled “clergy.” And you had a love affair with a priest?
Mercutio1594: EW NO!
Benvolio: A monk, then?
Mercutio1594: …
Benvolio: Mercutio?

Mercutio1594 has put you on ignore.

Favorite quote #2:

Romeo: Truth be told, my fair lady, I’m actually sitting atop the wall to the Capulet orchard.
Juliet: NO WAI! Lemme look!
OICU! HIIII!!! DDDDD
Romeo: Fear not, dear angel, I shall be at your side in the blink of an eye.
Juliet: K. Looking 4ward 2 it!

You should be featured. x) Keep writing.

~Panda;;

Ahahahah, I loved this! It was very entertaing and amusing... eesh never knew I could actually enjoy reading shakespeare this much
This is a really unique assignment, and I wish my school did stuff like this. Anyways, I loved the piece

I just have two suggestions/concerns:
1. The first conversation between Juliet and Tybalt was a little confusing to read at some parts. I think you could get rid of some of the short forms, because I don't think someone would actually type like that (well that's only my opinion anyway)
2. The last conversation between Romeo and Paris was also kind of confusing. What were they doing? I got the gist of what was happening, but I'm still not entirely sure what they were playing? (they were playing some sort of game right?)
Anyways, I think you should just make that a little clearer. Perhaps have one of them say how they are going to battle it out for Juliet.

Also, I just wanted to mention that I absoluetely adored your version of Benvolio. Ahahaha, he is so sarcastic, yet serious at the same time. Loved him! The first conversation between him and Mercutio was my favourite. Awesome work!

First off, I love Mercutio and Benevolio. Heehee that was so awesome. Ben and Merc were my favorite characters in the original play. My suggestion would be to put the setting in the top also. I liked the chat speak but sometimes I thought you were being a bit obnoxious with it. I reccomend using the shortened versions but not the numbers and symbols (except for # because that is real) because no one uses them. Seriously. I chat with a lot of people and I have not come across someone who used it that much. I also would like to see more love between Romeo and Juliet. I also want to see Merc and Tybalt's opening scene. Heehee the internet is really amazing for this. I liked that you did this. It was a lot easier to understand. Good job. I hope I can see all the scenes. Adios!

Oh and you forgot smiley signs. They always make it better.

This.was.Awesome. Great idea and pretty funny, too!!!!

I ADRED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are like my hero!!!! and did anyone else think that teh last part,
" Initiative bonus! I attack from the bushes. A nineteen! What’s the matter, Romeo? Disappointed that I now have a hedge against you?
Romeo: NGH! Not as disappointed as I would be if I lacked a limb trimmer! Attack! A nineteen. Critical hit!
Paris: AAAAGGGGHHH!
Romeo: Any last words before your hit point total reaches negative ten?"
sounded like a video game you used to play??? XD (i know that was teh point, and i laughed so hard!!!!)

This made my day. Thank you for posting it, and thank you to your English teacher who made you write it!

~Blue

LOVELY WORK

It just so happens that I am currently doing a report and annotating the play in my literature class in school... so I get everything in a way that you wouldn't imagine..


Lovely Job!
Keep writing!
-----------------
-Jojo

A D&D swordfight? Epic win.

The ponly thing that bothered me was juliet. I mean, the entire thing is a letter to her parents about how she fell in love and pretended to die then ended up dying herself. For real. The story truely is a tragedy. It is a lesson covered in dead bodies. And you utterly lost that, especially with juliet. You turn it into a comical thing. A spoof, almost. You mock what is a piece of liturature that is writtin by who is quite arguably one of the greatest writers out there! I hate that. If youre going to comcalize something, at least do it to something that deserves to be spoofed. In honesty, the modernizing of these characters utterly and completely loses the air that writing got back then. The mystical beauty, the mysterious essence. Lost. I personally hate this. To me, you ruined romeo and juliet. But, seeing as everyoje else doesnt seem to mind a mangled story, that is all I shall say. Good chatspeak, punctuation, "dialogue" . . . It was correct, as far as spelling spacing and such goes. I do not mean to be men. But this fills me with passion. I reacted rashly possibly. But still. . . . . How could you do that to such an amazing book? *sighs* sorry. I just cant hdlp it.

Fantastic job! I loved this, and my english teacher asked to see it!

HI!! I thought this was AMAZING!! Its so creative and funny and awesome and really I would have never thought of doing something like this! I think they should replace the text books and use this if they want kids to understand shakespeare =D I really love the bit with Mercutio when he sends a ' a plague on both your houses!' on the wrong chat and Romeo when he runs out of room to write. I thought it was hilarious. It sounds like you had fun writing this! Its opened my mind to think outside the box =) Also the title made it really interesting and me curious. I thought this was great! I loved reading it!! Keep us updated with more =D